Sometimes for an addict it's not one day at a time, or even an hour, it's a moment to moment deal and I found my self-talk going something like this on the way home from work today. 'Remember how great it feels to wake up in the morning knowing you have nothing to be ashamed of from the day before. Remember the feeling of anticipation just before you get on the scale and see a lower number. Remember, remember remember all you have to do is get past the next exit and continue on home where you can make a filling chocolate shake for dinner.'
I stopped for groceries on the way to work this morning for berries, small sweet peppers and pink lady apples. And two large carrots. The berries were for breakfast, the carrots and peppers were lunch, and one apple for the ride home. I was full, I wasn't hungry, and all I could think of was what I could stop and get before arriving home. I had to tell myself that no amount of stress could justify junk food, that this was my time, and my program, and I was going to follow it. And I arrived home safely, and the urge to eat is gone.
It's my own fault. While driving all over the Bay Area as a project manager for a year and a half I would defray the stress by eating in the car, and my brain now goes there of it's own accord sometimes. I wish I could snap that mental\emotional link more easily, but at least I know I can power through and have my way. MY way, not the way of that persistent little devil who tries to woo me from my shoulder. I envision my thumb smashing him down to insignificance, and me standing victorious.
I am too old for this shit. Eating & weight should not be such a challenge by this point. What a way to spend a life. Time to change my clothes and feed the dogs and head outside for some sun therapy! Which reminds me, I walked at lunch and have two cute pinecones to add to the basket. Come the holidays I will drizzle cinnamon oil over them all and bring them inside. There, a good note to end my ranting!