From Soup to Strawberries

I am excited about the soup I made this morning. Slow sauteed onions and peppers, the last 6oz container of roasted sweet potatoes and onions, the last of the beef and chicken broth packages in the fridge, and a large bunch of alligator kale that was stemmed and chopped. Also invited to the party were a half bag of lima beans and a handful of corn. Stone Soup; all the oldest and left over bits from the fridge and freezer. I forgot to season the soup, but tasting it after an hour at simmer, I found it needed none. Almost. I did add a couple of grinds of fresh pepper to each container. Oh, and there were five links of smoked apple Gouda sausage in the pot. Links I had cut in half for easy measuring later.

I weighed out protein for three servings (three half links and a bit), and covered with mostly veggies to get to my 6oz, then weighed out 5.5 ounces of beans for two more servings and covered them with veg from the soup. So five servings, then I divided the leftover broth and the few veggies that were left between the containers. A note about the beans. I know that in Bright Line Eating there are 6oz of beans in a serving of protein. But once the can of pinto beans were rinsed, the net weight was just under 11oz. It makes more sense to me to divide the can equally for two servings than to open another can of beans that I will have to store most of in the fridge - which will get lost and spoil and eventually be tossed out with much disgust after the stink in the fridge warrants the search to find and destroy. Five and one half ounces of beans is plenty of protein. Plus there is the soup broth adding a bit more protein, so it's all good.

Tomorrow after work I'll do my weekly turn at shopping, and stop for mushrooms on the way home. I wanted to make a fritatta today with the fresh spinach that needs to be eaten, but opted for soup since it was the mushrooms I was craving. So that's on the cooking schedule for Sunday, and will provide breakfasts for next week. Eggs, cheese and milk will provide the protein, and I'll eat with my usual triscuits each morning. Can hardly wait.

It's beautiful outside today, and I have already been busy watering and bringing in garbage cans. It's actually too hot for where I want to work by the front door right now, so that will have to wait for later. The damn snails have eaten all of the johnny jump ups that were left over from winter, but I can't really justify another trip to a store to buy flowers. I should have taken the time to pick some up the day I was getting the garage door. Which is wonderful by the way. A shout out to M for installing it!

Earlier this week we gathered around the fire pit in the back yard for S'mores. I had one tiny taste of warm sticky roasted marshmallow on a graham cracker, but that was it. Mostly I was just out there to spend time with the family. I'm so glad we did the back yard last year so we can actually use it.  The tomatoes are growing nicely, with peppers a bit behind. And the potatoes seem to be thriving. It's so exciting! Oh, and the strawberries are flowering already, the little plants nicely tucked away in their new tower.

Between the cooking and the garden, I am going to have to start taking pictures again.

Pudding, a Labour of Love

A is sick, with a really bad sore throat. I mean red swollen scary things in her throat sick. And I wanted her to take some Immune, but she couldn't bear even trying to swallow the capsules. The softest thing I could think of was pudding, and she agreed to try. But of course there was no pudding in the house, and I decided to make some. I googled 'homemade pudding' and picked the recipe with the most comments and highest star count.

Everyone loved it. Except C who wouldn't try it.  A had hers warm with two capsules of Immune mixed in so mission accomplished. My back is paying for it, all of the stirring after all of the measuring, sifting and whisking. And now there are containers of chocolate pudding chilling in the fridge. But sometimes it doesn't feel right to think of oneself first, and it feels eminently right to think of a grandchild first. So there you have it, and I'll just have to ignore the pudding - I don't imagine that it will last long.

I almost had two Bright Line days under my belt, but I licked a bit chocolate deliciousness off of the spoon and a little bit more off of the pan before washing it, so two lines broken. Barely, but broken nevertheless. I am hoping it won't affect my progress; after just two days I am already feeling better. About myself, and feeling lighter, and a ring is loose. If you stay true it happens fast.

I have been listening to Susan's vlogs again, and have signed up to have access to the upcoming health summit she is speaking at, so taking time for myself is paying off.

Big Yawn. I am craving the relaxation of laying down after being up all day, that feeling of release as muscles let go of their tension and your body is flooded with..just the nothingness of it all. Nighttime tea first so I sleep better, then the laying down part. I'm out.

Shades of Essential

Essential has become a topic of interest during Shelter in Place. Essential for whom? For what? Food certainly is essential, but are Twinkies? And given we don't know what our future will bring as we battle the pandemic, are tomato stakes? And garage doors?

Today, these things were essential for my peace of mind. The last rainstorm that blew through had stripped the side garage door of it's last semblance of security. It had been weathered almost beyond redemption, and the storm was the final blow. I ordered one online to pick up, and since I was there I grabbed the tomato stakes we needed, and some soil to bolster the potatoes that are growing. I only knew I needed that from watching Grow, Cook, Eat on a 'free to me' xfinity channel at some point last night while not sleeping. We had planted some sprouted potatoes on a whim, accidentally at exactly the right time of year, and the timing of the show was perfect. Our plants were about 6" high or so having been in the ground a few weeks, and this is when you push dirt up around the leaves, covering all but the topmost greenery. This forces the plant to keep reaching up, creating a longer stem, resulting in more potatoes. I'll do this a couple of more times over the next month or so and the potatoes should be ready to harvest come October. Next year we'll plant them in a raised bed instead of a container, now that I have the skinny on proper planting.

So M is in the backyard replacing the door. It was a testament to my strength and fortitude that I figured out (with a little handyman help at Lowe's) how to fit it in the car, and had a bungee cord on hand to hold the back gate closed on the drive home. It feels good to know we are being productive, and it's such a beautiful day out.

Side Note: yes I wore a face mask, disinfected my hands at the store, changed clothes and washed up once home. New normal and all that.

Those are the good things.

While looking for the items on my list at the store (caulking, shims, hand set) I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirrored door. In aisle 45. At least I think it was myself. A grey haired frumpy woman leaning over the handle of a shopping cart and slumping along. Obviously tired, looking beat. It wasn't how I felt. While the glow of having lost 20 pounds is fading, I feel so much stronger that I forgot how much farther I have to go.

Time to get off the maintenance I have slid into and back in to losing mode. There are a couple of things I have been thinking about. One, the more energy I put into thinking I need to do this, the worse I do. I have come to the conclusion that the energy I am generating gets eaten up by both wolves. I need to go back to the beginning when I just did what the book said. No cheer-leading, no fan fare, just doing. Plain and simple. Luckily I do begin each day Bright, so it will be easy to continue.

Back to one day at a time. I can do this today. I can keep my Bright Lines today. While the pool may not open this Summer, I expect there will be hot days on which I need to take my turn supervision in a wading pool out back. I will be ready.

The difference a day makes

I'm struggling today, and it's all my fault. I woke up early and grumpy; I would say the wrong side of the bed if I currently had two sides to my bed. The old crazy took over and I had Raisin Bran cereal for breakfast about 6am. By ten this morning I was crashing and had a string cheese. I held out until 11:20 before making lunch despite the lingering light headed feeling.

I had forgotten how devastating and immediate this feeling is, this need to shove something in my face. It's been a while I guess. But I tried to think before reacting, and hence the string cheese. Just some fat and protein to stabilize. Even after my Bright Line lunch I am a little shaky, but I know I need to power through. Because if the past has taught me anything it is that if I don't gain control now I will be back on a roller coaster of feeling this way. And I don't want to feel this way. It sucks.

I want to feel the way I have for most of the last six month. Stable. I am appreciating this morning how bright line eating has given me freedom from the hyper or hypoglycemia, I can never remember which one it is, that has plagued me on and off for years depending on my eating habits. To have gone so many months in a row without the panic and stuffing of food into my face has been a relief. Albeit one I may have forgotten to appreciate, but I do now, and it should make it easier to rezoom.

My cooking pattern was interrupted by Covid-19, and while I was planning bright line meals daily, I haven't been keeping days of food pre cooked, weighed and measured and ready to eat. So there was nothing automatic about breakfast. Instead I stood there deciding what to eat. Automaticity removes the need for will power. Well, most of it I think. But there I was on manual drive and it did me no favors.

Today I will get a box of triscuits out of the garage, and be better prepared for breakfast tomorrow. I did cook up a batch of veggies yesterday for lunches and dinners, so today I just need to prep some proteins.

I had such a pattern of shopping 2-3 times a week and cooking enough for several days. But mostly I'm not doing the shopping, and it's harder to ask for what I need. I'm better at rambling through the store, seeing what's on sale, and what sparks meal ideas. Time to look up some recipes and plan ahead.

I thought I had adjusted to this 'new normal' but obviously I haven't. But I will.

Speaking of shopping, I stood in the 'Senior Line' at Costco yesterday to buy, of course, Toilet Paper. We haven't found any the last couple of trips out to the regular grocery store so I thought it in our best interest to try Costco. They are so organized and helpful, and I left with what we needed, so I am grateful.

Grateful and apparently rambling. Time to get some fresh air.

Covid-19 and Bright Line Eating

I have been sticking pretty close to my Bright Lines, but listening to some Bright Lifers share their thoughts on Covid-19 this afternoon made me think about this in a different perspective.  By eating three meals a day, and only the amount of food I need for a right sized body, I am only using exactly the resources I need - only my fair share so to speak. We don't know what our new reality is going to be like this Summer, but I can see that it may get worse before it gets better.

Will manufacturing plants keep operating adequately, will supply chains remain intact. Right now we still have some shelves in the grocery store that are stripped bare - mostly from panic and everyone trying to take care of their own. And in theory these shelves will be restocked. But pasta and toilet paper - you don't see much of those yet. And while I don't eat pasta, my family does, and it is usually a low cost option when times are tight.

And will farmers be able to keep up with demand if processed foods are not as accessible. So many questions, but not many answers in this unprecedented pandemic. The first one to hit when science and knowledge are giving us a fighting chance. Not that all humans are using these tools; I'm not the only one who cringed at the crowded Spring break beaches. And there were two parties in our neighborhood this past weekend. Seriously NOT global minded humans.

Part of me is very callous, and has read enough on the overpopulation of the world to know that ultimately this is probably a good thing to thin the crowd. But my heart is not behind the thought.

I am still dumbfounded by the idiocy of our president, and proud of the companies who are showing up in a time of crisis despite his refusal to address this better at the Federal level. And so grateful for those on the front lines at hospitals. What would we do without them. The extra precautions when C goes for treatment is hard on his parents, but ultimately for their own good.

I am thankful we have our jobs, that C has been able to continue treatment, and that A is getting some schoolwork done. There are many who have been harder hit than we have, and I should give thanks every day that we are maintaining some semblance of normalcy. But we adjust so rapidly to this new order that it sometimes slips my mind that there are those who are suffering, having lost jobs or family, or both. And then there is something we need from the store, and for a few hours I lean towards panic before calming once more and remembering to be grateful for what we have.

Speaking of which, I am glad we started up the imperfect produce deliveries so that fruit and veggies are delivered each week. It's incentive to use up what's available before the next delivery comes, and reduces our trips out for groceries. Having Bright Lines to keep helps me use up what's on hand. I wish the rest of the family had a similar mind set, but that's not my business. My business is doing what I can to take care of myself, and that starts with my food. I almost took a walk the other day, but watering the tomatoes was enough movement - regular exercising is on the horizon, just not here yet.

One more thought to share. Following my Bright Lines is an affirmation of my future self. That there will be one, and that sheltering in place is not a stagnant time, but a time during which I can make progress, and feel like I am accomplishing something instead of stagnating.

I am blessed. Between work and family there is no boredom here.

Sun Dried Tomatoes

How do I forget from time to time how wonderful sun dried tomatoes are in ... everything! Today I made meatballs and I am sitting her anticipating the aroma from the oven once the heat starts baking them. Trying to save my back, I used the small food processor to chop the onions (red and yellow), peppers (red, yellow & orange), and aforementioned tomatoes before adding them to the ground sausage and beef. I added in Bragg's seasonings, some mushroom mix (dried mushrooms, sage, red pepper, salt) and lots of fresh ground pepper. I already know they will be delicious.

I've been adding veggies to my meatballs regularly for a couple of years now, loving how juicy and flavorful they become. I was leaning into an Italian flavour profile, so I am thinking roasted tomatoes for my vegetable with dinner. And I'll make fresh garlic dressing for my salad. It's nice to know dinner will be wonderful, full of real food, and satisfying to boot.

Speaking of food, I have been thinking about the Easter menu - the same every year of my life - and I am tempted to change out the ham for a pork shoulder. I need to decide before leaving work tomorrow as the plan is to shop on the way home.  I'm sure I have written many times before on the richness of the perfect Easter bite; ham, coleslaw, and brown bread. Rhiannon is going to make the brown bread as it has become astronomically expensive to order online. I think she is also baking savory rolls with cheese and sage - or was it basil -for our brunch. So yes, I may eat some bread tomorrow. May, not will, and therein lies the problem. I need to draw Bright Lines around Holidays.

So yes, holidays continue to be about food. No, that is wrong. Let us just say that food maintains it's historical place in our holidays. It's fun to have something special to share, and remember those who once shared it with you. I can remember my Grandmothers puttering around in their respective kitchens; Mommer baking pies and Grandmother baking beans. I think of my Mother scoring and adding cloves to a ham, and baking potatoes - au gratin? scalloped? - and wrapping the brown bread in foil to heat in the oven.

So yes, holiday food, and no apologies. But my portions will be different, and there will be no gorging until I feel like passing out. Even the slip ups I have endured this week have not been about stuffing myself, but rather about taming the shrew. It may be the normal amount of stress the whole world is experiencing right now with the Covid-19 Pandemic, and sheltering in place. Or it may be the new Yerba Matte tea I am drinking in the morning that is waking me up at night and propelling me towards the kitchen where I am once again searching about for...something.

It's a little disconcerting. But I know it can take years to come to grips with this addiction, to teach myself about trust and endurance. So I am not beating myself up, and that is new after a lifetime of self recrimination. I can and will work past this. I can and will be kind to myself.

Ahhhhh yes...the wafting of wonderful aromas from the kitchen has just found my bedroom; I had almost forgotten.