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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Closet ramblings

A year or two or so ago I remember posting about clearing out old clothes from my closet - well, let me just go search and see if I can find it, hang on....found it! Too Many Clothes was written just barely over a year ago - wow, only a year?  I was so glad to find it just where I thought it would be under the label 'self discovery'. And now I want to write about lots of other things; why I looked first for a post about clothes under self discovery and about the benefit of keeping a journal or blogging or however we account for ourselves. Because going back and reading how I was feeling then, really helps me put into perspective what I am doing, thinking and feeling today. Now, what was I saying???

Oh yea, the closet and yes, the yearly spring cleaning - or should I say the yearly spring thinning?  I have been sort of sorting through my winter clothes as I do the laundry, and while there is less to go through this year, I am still amazed by how many things I have that just aren't me. All the 'make do' items that I bought as I grew larger just because they were the least offensive and fit the criteria of that day, or rather, they just fit period.  I hate all these high rise jeans I have, thank heavens my DD passed on some of her more current style jeans for me to wear during this weight transition. Reading back it's nice to see that the 18's are all gone now, and while I'm not as far along as I thought I would be by now size wise, at least I am still going in the right direction. And this year I am thinking about this before I drag the dreaded blue tubs out of the closet to sort through and exchange winter for summer garb. I will not pack away any winter clothes that I have kept before just because they fit or I might need a larger size next winter -not going to happen. Only the clothes that 'speak' to me get to stay. No dwelling over choices like I did last year, just looking forward to the fun of purging the things I really don't want to keep and lightening the load a little bit more ... both in the closet and off my shoulders.

The whole continuity of this makes me wonder if maybe next year I will feel compelled to post about this again, and I can't help but wonder how much better it will be - fewer and smaller clothes for sure - but also a clearer brain and a lighter heart. It's good to know I'm making progress, and that maybe someday there won't even be a link between the size of my jeans and the mental hurdles I put myself through. I can hardly wait!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Hiking Boots

I've never been one to plan much ahead, and I've always been intimidated by goals and, I suppose, the fear of failing to meet them. I know I have written before of how I disparaged of ever 'knowing what I will be when I grow up' and envied the far sightedness of my siblings as they worked towards their respective careers. But I think I've turned another corner and realized  something.

The morning was typical, including a post holiday cleaning of the kitchen; carefully washing and drying my grandmother's good sliver and crystal, loading the dishwasher with my mother's ironstone plates, and giving everything a good wiping down before heading to the gym. 

Audio book in ears and a good workout later I changed into jeans and  hiking boots to take the little dog for a walk. So, okay, this is another disjointed and rambling post, but that's how my brain has been of late - if 'of late' can mean a span of 30 or 40 years... - anyway I digress (duh!)  We have a shoot coming up in May where the hiking is fierce (Redding) and proper footwear is paramount. But the last couple of archery tournaments we hiked I noticed that my feet were overly tired, and realized my boots are probably about 6 years old. Yikes!  But not to despair, I do have a back up pair that I bought in Watkins Glen back in 2004 while slogging through the thick muddy trails at Nationals that year. But they are high tops, and heavy, and a little thicker and stiffer than I would like. They are also what I have and I can't really justify going out and getting something new, so for once I am thinking ahead and have decided to start wearing them everyday to break them in. Well, to be more precise, to break ME in, and give myself the chance to get use to them.

Which brings me around to the point I started thinking about on my walk with Kaylee. Maybe for me it's not about setting a goal and figuring out how to reach it. Maybe for me it's about giving myself a chance to become accustomed to the new 'weight' of what it is I want to do.  I know I have been doing this with my eating, working each day to eat for nutrition (that being said I had a ham and tomato sandwich for lunch, but I am human!) and becoming accustomed to more veggies and less processed grain as a way of life. And I do it with exercise, finding something each day to break a sweat or suffer the consequences of sleeping badly, and I think now it's time to do it with work.  Just like other facets of my life, I don't have to do it perfectly, or have some magnificent goal (think lake house) I just need to get my toes wet, and become accustomed to the work so that I get into the habit of doing it. Like being able to walk 2 treadmill miles or breaking in hiking boots so I won't end up with blisters or a charlie horse in my calf.

I had a bit of a conversation with a friend yesterday, who said, "I didn't know you were looking for a job, I'll keep my eyes open."  And I realized later that evening that the reason she didn't know, is that I don't want a job.  I have work to do, I just haven't been doing it. I remember blogging a bit ago that I was going to write everyday, and I haven't been doing that. So that is the first thing, get in the habit of writing.  Sharing the great products that I've been using is the 2nd  thing, so I need to update my Core4 blog and post the link.   WAIT A MINUTE!  So did I really just write that? I need to write each day and I need to update my Core4 blog. I know it isn't exactly the same thing, but close enough. Certainly part of my daily writing can be about my Core4 experience. And it's not just Core4 anymore, it's as much about the Xyng now too.

So today I will start getting use to the idea of working each day, that is better than putting if off until I can do it perfectly. And I want to digress yet again to thank some unknown DNA contributor for THAT lovely little gene; there should be a pill to treat for perfectionism. But I suppose action is that pill, and I'm thinking that I might be ready to take it.

So a thought can lead to a revolution; funny how there is never anything new, just new people learning the same things over and over and in many different ways.