Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I have been working hard at eating healthy foods and riding my bike each day; trying to keep physically healthy to help barricade my brain against the emotions that are running rampant. My Dr. called in a script for Valium for me, just a few in case I need it. So far breathing exercises and my Orenda Balance spray are keeping me on an even keel. I have been shooting my bow this week, trying to practice for the archery tournament in Van Nuys the beginning of June that will qualify me for the Senior Games in August of '09. This gives me something to focus on, but this morning my heart is racing as I realize 6/2 is less than a week away. So I sit to write and wait for the spray to do it's magic leveling out my cortisol levels. I don't know what I would have done these past two years without Orenda, their products keeping me focused on health at some subliminal level while I work through all of this. It's good to know I can pick up my business anytime I am ready. I feel the spray working as I start to calm and now I can focus on positive thoughts and stave off the panic. The trial won't change anything, it will just bring an end to the waiting, and hopefully it will bring some small measure of justice for Joey. Not that he probably cares where he has gone on to, but those of us left do. I want that bully who hit him off the streets, but more than anything I wish for him a heart to feel what he has done. How horrible of me to wish another pain, but I am human. And truly from his pain I wish him to learn and to feel sorry for what he has done and to use this to make his life something worthwhile, so that losing Joey wasn't for nothing. I did run into one of Joe's friends a while back, and because of him she is clean and sober and working and trying to make her life better; we cried to think of him, but at the same time I was so proud of her, and so glad she found a way to love her own life out of his death. I have a busy June lined up, trying to distract myself and give myself something to do after the first trial is over. The 2nd defendant has his pretrial hearing mid way through the month and if the first guy is convicted he might put in a plea at that time. If not, we go back to court. In any case, this summer should bring an end to the lingering drama. There is always the possibility that the 3rd man involved will be brought in, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Facing the first two will be hard enough and we have the one who actually dealt the killing blow, so I have been able to put the last guy out of my mind. I am okay now, the spray and the words having done their job. We are heading out to the archery range in a bit, it's beautiful there and I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and into the forest; food for the soul.