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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Day is Done

We all know this moment, it's a friend waiting for us at the end of each day. Stripping off the accumulation of dirt and coverings, slipping into a cool and cozy bed, and after the working and chores and being on ones feet, finally it's time and you are laying stretched out; the weight of the body gradually relaxing after the tumult of the day.

Bedtime, what bliss. I go.

Monday, June 23, 2014

The Luck of the Toss

Today was a struggle. Instigated I am sure by the grief of a coworker on the anniversary of her brother's death, my tears and aching throat were reluctant company on the drive to work this morning knowing I would have to not only face her but offer support and emphathy. I LOVE showing up with swollen eyes, but the privacy of my office and an early start gave me the space and peace I needed to pull it together, and she was okay too - well, mostly we were okay.

Lunchtime was a nice distraction. I'm running point for renting a beach house in Morro Bay for a cousin's wedding and it was fun hearing the excitement in my Mother's voice. From the deck we can walk out on the sand to the ocean, and we are all anticipating the trip with gladness galore. Of course, the last time we stayed down there it was for my Aunt's funeral, and like this trip it was on my daughter's birthday, and I find myself thinking about our family and how it has changed. Joey & Jerry both gone, H not by my side (another kettle of fish, that) and A a much loved and welcome addition.  So much love goes and comes in a lifetime, it's a little overwhelming sometimes. I suppose that is what living in the moment is all about; soak up the love while you can. Learn when it's time to let it go.

Big sigh, but no desire to wax poetic about missing H this evening.

One last note; A just beat me by over 100 points at Yahtzee.  "Grama, how come you aren't lucky enough to get a Yahtzee?" She had rolled two during the game, "You're killing me!" I complained. Then I had to explain what I meant so her feelings weren't hurt. I love these learning moments, when we can practice patience, fairness, good gamesmanship and the art of legible numbers. I'm so proud of her, "Good game, Grama!" she tosses out after learning our scores.

I am hoping her luck follows her, it's a handy friend to have at your side. I hate to think that I haven't been lucky; I know I am in the fortunate half of the world and ever so grateful for that and all of the wonderful things that have come my way. But still, a Yahtzee now and then would be nice in the game of life. And I am sad tonight and missing Joey.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Stress Writing - Let it go

About Work. What a serious waste of time and energy. Well, not really; we spend an awful lot of time at work. Well, most of us anyway. So conflict resolution is in my background. I know to first let it go, then if you can't address the 'challenge' with the person involved, and if there is still no resolution, finally go to the boss. But the boss is the owner, and I don't want to throw my compadre under the bus. I want my department and my little office to be a place of positive energy , I want us all to be productive and ready for growth. Is this asking too much? Am I too much of a goody two shoes, do I expect too much from others? Am I the one that needs to slow down and take my time and not give my full attention to work? But, I am being paid to do that, am I not? I want to be proud of how I earn my living, do I not?

So I let it go, and let it go, and let it go until I am afraid I am going to blurt out something inappropriate at the worst of times. Like when we have our department meeting on Wednesday with a visiting consultant. Finally today I quietly shut the office door and tried to have a constructive conversation. With a wall. I am sure they believe that saying 'Ok' and refusing to engage is their way of disputing my claim; even my calling them on shutting down and refusing to engage was wasted effort.  In their defense they may believe they are avoiding a fight, or embarrassed by the veracity of my claims and unwilling to admit it.

I had waited as long as I could, and I may well have waited for ever for all the good it did. But I am tired of the situation rattling around in my brain and taking up valuable real estate. When I am not at work, I want to be NOT AT WORK. So I left work an hour early, and now I will try again to let it go. I have better things to think about don't I?

I am calm, but curious if there will be any fall out tomorrow. I'm guessing they are a no show.

And no, I am not signing that song! Now that's in my head, great!