BLE: Halloween without Candy

For me, not the kids. I haven't been tempted at all today by the candy floating around, and looking back on this day last year apparently it wasn't a problem then either - never even mentioned it. The funny thing is that we almost had the same thing for dinner; tri-tip! This year we had broccoli and we had asparagus last year. When the chance came to share dinner with the family, of course I opted out of my planned dinner - a perfectly sane choice.

And while I can't remember last year, and if I struggled at all, I don't believe I did. I started so strong and was sticking to my Bright Lines so well back then that I doubt I did.

Today I accomplished my shopping, baked off my meatballs (instead of meatloaf) and cooked up a bunch of green peppers, red onions, and crushed tomatoes in the instant pot for then minutes. Quick release, and then stirred in a whole big box of baby spinach. Changed the setting to sauté and kept stirring until all of the spinach was wilted, and some of the moisture had steamed off.

Packed in the fridge are eight meals using the meatballs; five with corn and green beans, and three with the stewed veggies. Oh, and I seasoned the pot of veggies with all the spaghetti spices. I decided against the yam pudding because there are left over potatoes in the fridge for breakfasts, and no room for any more containers! I picked up some plant based Italian sausages, and will cook them up tomorrow, weigh them out into portions, and freeze them. These can be added to the left over veggies for a change of pace when I feel the need.

We had a really good Master Mind group meeting this morning, even though we were down one, and have decided to continue meeting to do the IFS work we have learned in Bright Line Freedom. I'm excited about the work, and the fact that I am finally taking action with regards to self therapy. The reality is that I should have been in therapy years ago, but better late than never. Tonight my mood is so positive, and I am so calm, that I know this is the right path forward.

Dark has finally fallen, and I am dressed all in black. I will sneak out the front door to sit in the dark and spy upon any trick or treaters that may come by. Our candy is down at the end of the driveway, bundled in fun little bags tied with ribbon and bestickered with ghosts. The sign says one per child, or something, and the jack-o-lanterns are grinning their welcome. And all of the happiness around costumes and carving pumpkins had nothing to do with candy. Perfect.

Tomorrow's Food:

B:  Potatoes, egg & cheese; green grapes

L:  Meatballs and stewed veggies, apple

D:  Stroganoff, green salad

Time to go soak up some energy.

Happy Halloween.

Friday's Food

 Today's Food:

B:  Farro, Almond butter, ground flax, walnuts, blueberries

L:  White Bean & Chorizo soup w/ kale, carrots & onions, apple

D:  Taco salad w/refried beans, tomatoes, onions, cheese

I'm trying to set a reminder on my phone for 8pm every evening so I remember to commit my food the evening before. This is an important part of the plan for me right now, and I am motivated by the damn PB crackers I ate in bed around midnight. Since I can't control the foods in the house, I need to ramp up the habits that fortify my will power. Bright Line Eating calls this, 'bridging the willpower gap' and I have neglected building healthy habits for too long. 

In other words, I need to get my shit together. More on my plans to do this later.

Back at 8.

Long day, but here I am to commit tomorrow's food. Which is hard because there is not much in the fridge for a change.

B:  Cheese & Crackers, banana

L:  Quinoa & roasted veggies, apple

D:  Stroganoff, green salad

I absolutely need to cook tomorrow. I've looked at a few recipes for bean 'meatballs' and it's just all too complicated at the moment. Instead I will shop to make the meatloaf from the BLE cookbook, and cabbage lasagna. I have a little bit of Farro still leftover for a breakfast, and will bake off some yam puddings Sunday morning. Because there is a slice of pumpkin pie sitting in the kitchen right now and while it isn't making me crazy, it has set up shop in a small corner of my mind.

I am contemplating measuring my waist on the first instead of stepping on the scale. There has been some talk about this being a better way to gauge one's progress instead of focusing on a number. But I worry that it's too easy to manipulate the measuring tape. Maybe I will do both for a couple of months just to see how it goes.

So, committing my food tonight, and I plan on spending a few minutes in the morning breathing and easing my way into meditating. These two things will make a difference if I can be consistent. I think that is key for me; is it doable, because if it's tedious I won't stay on board very long.

I'm looking forward to finishing up the last webinar of my Bright Line Freedom class, and meeting with my group in the morning. They have become a constant that I enjoy and look forward to even if it is hard work sometimes.

I'm looking forward to a weekend at home; maybe finally getting to the rain gutters, and definitely watching a Hallmark Christmas movie. Corny, but relaxing. I wish I could hold a book, I have a box of Christmas stories in the garage that I would love to re-read. But it is what it is. I am so grateful for my audio books, and that I can shop tomorrow without pinching too many pennies. 

The Next Right Thing

 Another day lost to committing my food here, but ate on plan yesterday and made it to the grocery store so I can plan the rest of the week.

It's so cold this morning I turned the heater on for the first time this season. A whole two days since we ran the AC - shortest Autumn yet.

Yesterdays Food:

B:  Farro, cream cheese & pecans, blueberries

L:  Garbanzo beans, green peppers & red onions, kiwis

D:  Pot roast, yum

We have been so enamored of our Instant Pot that it's been a while since I cooked a pot roast in the oven. Three hours of heavenly smells wafted from the oven, and by the time I ate dinner I was so ready. Feeling hungry when you know a meal is forthcoming is such a blessing, and then the news comes on and the feed at the bottom is telling us that 1.5 million children will die of malnutrition this year is some far off country I can't even remember the name of. I am pathetic, and guilt remains stuck in my craw like a poisoned apple,  immobilizing me.

It's hard to commit to my food in the wake of that memory, but I have to believe in the Butterfly Effect and just keep doing the next right thing in the hopes it makes a difference to the energy of the world. Because right now that is all I am capable of. Well, that and $19/mo. Such a pittance, but slowly heading in the right direction.

Okay, deep breath and back to my little corner of reality. Taking care of myself is the first step to helping others. I will get there. 

Today's Food:

B:  Farro, eggs over easy, banana

L:  Chopped salad, garbanzo beans, apple

D:  Pot Roast/Quinoa , green salad if there aren't enough left over veggies

It feels strange to eat meat again, and dinner last night was noticeably a heavier meal than I am used to having. So tonight I will split my protein between beef & quinoa to lighten it up.

Yesterday my Bright Line Eating supplies arrived, and I am so happy with the quality of the journals. The refrigerator magnet is great too, so much better than the BLE paperwork that has been hanging out for the past year, AND, best of all is the little magnet that came with it. SO CUTE, and perfect. Just a little round magnet with a metal expandable band attached to slip a pen or pencil in - this is to use with the paper shopping lists that are also on the fridge courtesy of the pad's magnetic strip on the back.

Yikes, time has flown and the work day beckons.

Normal Labs and great expectations

Sometimes days just disappear, and I'm not sure how, but if I can't remember anything horrible it must have been all good. I guess that's the thing with planning things out; knowing what you're going to do, what you're going to eat, you don't  the worry and stress of the unknown.

Today's Food:

B:  Farro, chorizo & eggs, banana

L:  Quinoa, roasted veggies, 2 perfectly delicious plums

D:  Quinoa stroganoff

Somehow we are out of lettuce, and my bag of broccoli slaw had started to turn and I tossed it out. I wasn't hungry and passed on my dinner salad tonight. I am a little hungry as I prepare for bed, but have tea to sip on and a book to listen to and it will be fine. It's been awhile since I have had a bite to eat in the middle of the night; at least three weeks I think. And I love the way I feel in the morning when I am able to just go back to bed after a tip to the Lou. I have three stickies on my bedroom door, and while it's too dark to read them I know what they say. Fasting Heals, Just go Back to Bed, and There are Things that matter more than your Goals.

I had a blood draw this morning, and this afternoon labs came back with everything normal. My triglycerides are still low, and Cholesterol in the normal range too. Everything normal, just as it was in January after following Bright Line eating for just three months. They didn't do a fasting glucose so I don't have that number, which of course was the one I was interested in, but we'll do that in January again. This was just an interim testing to see if anything pointed to why I am so tired.

I picked up a couple of things from Walmart afterwards; a couple of sweater & legging sets in a smaller size. That was nice. Really nice! Just cheap stopgap clothes because I know I am getting smaller again. Slow and Steady, that's me. I don't know if it's the fear of saggy skin, or just having more IFS work to do with my rebel parts, but I can't seem to submit wholly to the weight loss plan, and maintenance meals sneak their way into my portions every so often. Just enough to slow the weight loss.. But I am getting better at being curious about my food decisions, and it all feels like progress, so I am content.

Tomorrows Food:

B:  Farro, blueberries, cream cheese & Walnuts

L:  Bell Pepper stuffed with garbanzo salad, persimmons

D:  Black Bean Burger, frozen veggies, green salad

I will have to make an early trip for groceries in the morning to make this happen, but I'm a morning person so that's okay. I'm going to splurge and pick up some already prepped salads; I hate how expensive they are, but everyone needs a break once in a while, and I've chopped up my fair share of veggies this summer past.

I also had my flu shot this morning, and my arm is a little sore, but I'm glad it's out of the way. Strange to think I haven't been sick for a whole year. Me, who once had outrageous upper respiratory problems stemming from allergies twice a year. I know part of it is the social distancing, and the safety protocols of masks & clean hands, but I also know Bright Line Eating has made a huge impact on my health, and I am grateful everyday. I still use my Orenda products daily, Immune and O'Tropin, as well as the alfalfa from Shaklee for the extra greens, but having a foundation of nutritional abundance has made the difference I think. And I'm glad to be rid of another pill. Two to go, blood pressure & Thyroid meds, and I suspect this next thirty pounds' may make the difference there.

It's so nice to feel calm, and to be truly grateful for my progress, and to have great expectations that there is more good to come. And on that note, I say goodnight.

A short recap and an early night

I always tend to think I haven't done enough on the weekends, and because I took a short nap this afternoon was thinking it was a lazy day. But really I got quite a bit done, and need to be kinder to myself in all things, not just about eating.

The stroganoff I made was good, if a bit stodgy, and there are three containers of left overs for meals this week. R roasted off a couple of pans of veggies; carrots, brussels sprouts & onions. And I have left over Quinoa, Farro, and beans for some quick meal prep for a few more days.

Tomorrow's Food:

B:  Potatoes, egg & cheese, banana

L:  Beans & roasted veg, apple\grapes

D:  Leftover stroganoff, peas

Honestly I'm having a hard time thinking this evening, I have a raging stomach ache - I am guessing it's from the broccoli & red onions I had with dinner and not from the stroganoff, but who knows. In any case, I am going to brew some ginger tea and turn in early.

From Farro to Legos

 Let me start by saying that my breakfast was more delicious than I had anticipated. It was my first time using Farro, and I was so very happy! Loved the texture, and I can tell it will be a favorite for hot breakfasts going forward into the cold season. I did swap out the Greek yogurt for cream cheese just because I was too lazy to excavate the tub of yogurt from the back of the fridge. It's really crowded in there right now, which also explains my deviation at dinner.

Realizing how packed the fridge was, instead of cooking the cabbage lasagna as intended, I just reheated some roasted squash & onions, weighed out 2oz of marinara over the top, stirred in 2oz of cheese divided between mozzarella and parmesan, then nuked the bowl for three minutes.  Simple, delicious, and no leftovers to add to the cold box. Then I decided to finish off the veggie soup (no beans) instead of making a salad, so another container gone. I really don't even consider these changes as deviations from the plan. They were 'sane' choices under the circumstances.

And did I mention that R was in the kitchen cooking at the same time I wanted to prepare my dinner and I didn't want to get in her way? It all just made sense.

Today feels like Fall, and I stayed in my PJ's and watched a movie this morning. After some light chores and lunch I watched the sequel; a nice restful day. I did jump on to 'work' for a couple of hours this afternoon because the office workload is heavy right now due to a special project, but it was nothing.

Tomorrow I am hoping to pull out my new little ladder and get started on cleaning out the rain gutters. The weather should be nice the next ten days or so, and I am hoping to get a lot done outside. But me and plans...well, we don't always get along so well. Maybe that was the old me, maybe I'll do better at following through now that my brain is working better.

Tomorrows Food:

B:  Farro, cinnamon apples & date, cream cheese & walnuts (so good I have to have it again.)

L:  Chopped salad, artichoke hearts & blue cheese, grapes

D:  Lentil penne stroganoff, mushrooms, onions & carrots, cream cheese

Hmmmm, I see a disturbing trend using cheese. I'll have to be sure the rest of the week is a little more 'clean' and will make sure my grocery list tonight reflects that. Tomorrow I meet with my BLF Master Mind Group, and I am looking forward to seeing everyone; they are becoming an important part of  my Bright LINE Eating journey. I love listening to them, and learning from them, and sharing myself with them. It just feels good.

Off to join C in building something with the Lego assortment he has been carting into my room while I typed. How blessed am I.

Stress Eating

So we were concerned about C this morning, and R ended up driving him in for bloodwork and a follow up with his oncologist. Nothing to worry about it turns out, but the hours in between watching him lay lethargic in his mother's arms and their return home with good news was more than my own true self could bear.

I broke all the lines, and of course now I am sorry, but there was something very powerful about surrendering to the urge to eat. And I was caught up in the storm. First just having a snack of cheese and crackers, and then taking bites of a variety of evils - none of them tasting as I remember or as I thought they should, and none of them satisfying. But the heaviness I was aware of in my middle was an old comfort, and I actually didn't go too crazy. It wasn't a binge, just stress eating, and since I wasn't hungry at dinner time I made the decision to forego that meal. I'm sure I more than made up for the calories in my afternoon break.

So here I am,  after five Bright days, starting over. Again. And once again I have proven to the neural pathways in my brain that I can be seduced from my intentions.  No shame, not really much guilt - just a tiny smidge - because I know I will not eat anything else until breakfast tomorrow. And I know that tomorrow is day one in the next string of Bright days. My stretches are getting longer, and I will focus on that, and how unstoppable I am.

Tomorrow's food:

B:    Farro w/ cinnamon apples sautéed in butter, and Greek yogurt w\dates

L:    Left over vegetable bean soup, green grapes

D:    Cabbage & zucchini lasagna

I need to sit down in the morning after taking inventory in the fridge and plan out some meals before I head out to the store. Maybe some quinoa soup for a change of protein; I'm thinking Mexican meatball soup but quinoa instead of meatballs. I love wilted spinach in soup I think that will work.

I just went to take a peek online and this Butternut & Quinoa recipe sounds amazing too; lots to think about.

It's chilly tonight and my toes are decidedly unhappy as they urge me towards either bed or slippers. I think I am still a little tired from yesterday's headache, and will opt for bed.

TGIF <3 

Salt, Bean Stoup, and a Nap!

 Dinner tonight was so delicious. I chopped up a small yellow onion, a couple handfuls of those snack sized baby carrots, and two gray zucchini and set them to simmering in enough chicken broth to cover them all and several shakes of the Mrs. Dash Onion blend. While that was cooking I drained and rinsed a can of white beans, and weighed out 6oz to add later.

Once the veggies were just tender, I set the beans to warm in the microwave, then used a slotted spoon to weigh out 10oz of the veg and then 2oz of broth. (The serving of vegetables was already so large I couldn't imagine going all the way to 12oz.) After adding in the beans, I had a large beautiful bowl of bean stoup. To this I ground in lots of black pepper, and added a small spoon of finishing salt. This may or may not have been important, but after just a cup or so of the meal I started feeling better.

I had been having really strange headaches all day; waves of pain shooting across my head, mostly in the back and through the middle of my head. And I was tired, even more so than usual, and just plain feeling out of it. At lunch I was making my salad, and having just diced up the hard boiled eggs I thought of salt, and a light went on. I haven't been eating meat (which I would either normally salt, or prepare with salt, or buy already salted such as sausage) and I had been using different Mrs. Dash variations on my cooked vegetables. Maybe my sodium was low??

I did salt my lunch and felt a little better afterwards, but just couldn't do anything productive most of the afternoon. Well, aside from rinsing dishes and rotating laundry and trimming back more of the tomatoes plants and watching C play outside. Oh, and changing out the covers on the couch (we have to keep it clean for C to use as he wants to play, eat, and nap.) And making my meals. Okay, so not as much of a slouch as I thought, but I didn't pick up toys at the end of the day or take out the garbage. When M got home I apologized for the house being at sixes and sevens and he gave me that 'crazy mother in law' look and asked what it meant. I was embarrassed to admit I didn't remember exactly, that I had just been saying it my whole life when the house was a mess. So silly.

Anyway, after my salty dinner I did feel better, but called in sick to work and laid down for a much needed nap. I am still feeling somewhat better, no headache, and sipping a big cup of Throat Coat tea just because it's delicious and comforting.

I do have an appt. for blood work on Tuesday because of how fatigued I am, with a follow up phone appt. with the Dr., and I'm wondering if my medications need adjusting. I requested the blood work before any of this happened, and I am hoping to be fully recovered tomorrow, but it will be nice to make sure everything is as it should be once the bloodwork is back.

Back to my original thought, dinner was delicious and I need to do this more often. I've been so enamored of the instant pot I've been batch cooking and it's so easy to make too much. The fridge and freezer are usually pretty packed! When I was eating for nutrition ala Fuhrman many years ago now,  I would make a small pan of stoup most evenings. Just big bowls of veggies with either beans, rice, or pasta added. I will be able to do this again, just without the pasta. That being said (I wonder if there is a way to count how many times I have said that in this blog), I will be able to experiment with adding things like bean and lentil pastas to my soups and stoups once I am in BLE maintenance.

Tomorrows Food:

B:  Yam Pudding, banana\green grapes

L:  8oz chopped salad w/ blue cheese, apple

D:  Stone soup and beans, 6oz green salad

Stone soup being code for, 'use up the oldest veggies in the fridge because the imperfect produce order was delivered today.'

So grateful to be feeling enough like myself to sit and type for a few minutes, but still ready to lay back down. Maybe listen to some Thursday Night Football.

Forming a new Habit

I have to laugh at myself, I lasted two days before forgetting to post my food at night. I know I just need to persist and eventually the habit will form; 21-60 days depending on what you read. In my defense I was tired last night, and just wanted to sign off the computer after work and get ready for bed. Typically I am done by 8 or 8:30 each evening, but it makes for a long day when I am up before 6am.

Pause to consider how grateful I am to have my jobs, and realize I am not the only one working two - hell, some work three just to make ends meet. I have no room to complain so strike my excuse.

Todays food:

B: Yam pudding, green grapes

L: 8oz Chopped salad w\artichoke hearts and parmesan, apple

D: Black Bean Burger, roasted veggies, 6oz salad

I've already been to the store this morning. C is really picky about what he eats right now, and we are down to McD's hasbrowns and mini peanut butter crackers. We ran out of the crackers yesterday so I made an early grocery run; I bought the last box of the mini PB crackers off the shelf! Lucky me.

I'll finish this up later, time to get to work.

--------------------

Later being a relative word, it's now Thursday morning and I never made it back to update this. Surprised? Not really.  But it's okay. I ended up in the actual office for work last night and came home to the siren call of my flannel sheets. (Yes, nights are cool enough for flannel; I love summer pajamas and flannel sheets, Fall is the perfect sleeping season.)

Todays food:

B: Triscuits, sharp cheddar cheese, banana\green grapes

L: 8oz Chopped salad w\hard boiled eggs, apple

D: Bean stoup w\ 12oz veggies including zucchini, onion and carrots

I've just finished breakfast, and I must say that cheese & crackers is still my go to if I haven't prepped anything. And in case you've forgotten, bananas and grapes are divine together.

There is one yam pudding left in the fridge for tomorrow's breakfast, and I'll do my usual planning to prep for next week over the weekend. I also really love eggs, potatoes & cheese together, and I was thinking about baking a casserole that is easily divisible by four. We'll see.

Busy and Bright; just another day on plan

I started to title my post with BLE, but really all of my posts are about Bright Line Eating now I think. So having BLE in the title seems sort of superfluous and unnecessary. So I took it off.

It was a good day, and I stayed busier than usual. I think this is my third day eating vegetarian, and I'm looking forward to another Bright night. I've started marking off my days when I sit down to write in the evening. Susan says that our day really starts the evening before when we commit our food for the next day, so it just made sense to start doing it this way. And it's part of my new nightly habit so I stay accountable even if it's just to myself.

While the house was still cool this morning I roasted off two pans of green peppers, sweet onions, and cherry tomatoes. I used a little sesame oil on them, and they were delicious with my black bean burger. Afterwards I did the dishes and prepped a tub of cauliflower, red peppers, green onions, and carrots to have ready for salads this week. I really need to pick up some more artichoke hearts. But going back to the oil - I've been weighing the oil for my salads! Half an ounce goes a long ways it turns out. I didn't weigh the oil for roasting the veg, but I don't ever add an oil at lunch unless we have avocados ready to eat, so I'm fine with that.

I ordered presents online this afternoon for A's upcoming birthday; it's really hard to understand how she will be turning 12 already. That we have been living together since she was four. I guess that is the real shocker, that we've been living together for almost eight years.

So here are the changes I made to my food today. I swapped out my lunch and dinner, and I forgot to add carrots to the batch of veggies I was roasting this morning, but I added carrots to my dinner salad so I feel it all worked out. I know I've said this before, but those small changes don't make me crazy as long as I'm on plan. I would rather feel sane than obsessed with sticking to the exact letter of what I decided on the night before. 

My salad was delicious tonight, changing up the fat in my dressing from olive oil to sesame oil. Delightful. And while I felt more energetic today, I also have more gas from all the beans these past few days. I know my enzymes will adjust, I've been down this road before, and I'll get back to normal soon as my digestion improves. Speaking of which, I need to check my Kaiser messages. I asked if they could test to make sure I am absorbing nutrients.

So tomorrow I plan on having:

B:  Rice, eggs over easy, banana\green grapes

L:  Black Bean Burger, roasted veggies, apple

D: Chopped salad, garbanzo beans, sunflower seeds, sesame dressing

I may not make my plates and bowls as pretty as R does hers, but my food is always delicious. I really do need to figure out an easier way to get pictures from my phone to the blog. Oh well.

I have much to be grateful for, and it's time to get ready for bed and contemplate that.

BLE: Food, plus this and that

Today's food. Hmmmm. Maybe I should be posting the night before what the food will be the next day instead of recording what I ate on the current day. I tried in the beginning to journal what I would eat the next day (as we are supposed to do) but it never stuck, never became a habit. Maybe I can make it a habit here if I can indeed start writing again everyday. I'll try, but in the meantime here is what I ate today.

B:  Yam Pudding, green grapes

L:   8oz salad, 3oz garbanzo beans, 1oz parmesan cheese, oil & vinegar dressing.

D:  4oz  Spicy Black Bean Burger, 12oz roasted veggies (acorn squash, onion, potato)

In BLE a vegetable is a vegetable, and as with today if I have had a salad at lunch I often will just double up on  my cooked veggies at dinner. I did that today and I am currently stuffed. But not in a heavy lethargic sort of way, more of just a feeling of fullness in my stomach that I am aware of but isn't distressing me.

I had to go into the office today, and on the way I picked up sparkling water, bananas, and a few things for the office. We have a new girl starting Monday so I arranged pretty white coffee cups on each desk with a couple of the small sunflowers they sell at the grocery store, a green beady sort of plant to compliment them, and placed a small pumpkin by each cup of plants just so it will feel sort of festive when they arrive in the morning. I was only there a couple of hours or so, but it broke up my day off and I haven't really accomplished much here at home today.

My honey-do list that was ignored: clean gutters, finish eucalyptus bark project, trim back tomato plants, figure out what to do in the last section of the back yard that hasn't been finished. Currently it's a fire pit surrounded by chairs with large sheets of cardboard underneath that we laid down last winter to cover over the mud. So pretty! But I just can't decide on the type of ground cover, or rocks, or pathway. And I don't want to go browsing at the store given the current state of Covid-19. So maybe that last chore will once again wait for the Spring. The rest I can tackle while Cal naps during the week as the weather will be cooling off from the high to low 80's. My kind of weather. It doesn't even feel like an Indian Summer, it just feels like a longer Summer and I am afraid we will not have much of a Fall this year. Yes, they are nothing like other parts of the world, but we do have seasons in California!

Tomorrow's food looks very similar to todays menu, but part of my goal is to keep things simple this week,  While I'm thinking about routines and goas for the week, I need to set an alarm for this evening to remember to write in my gratitude journal. A recurring alarm, for maybe 8:30 each night. That sounds about right.

B:  Yam Pudding, green grapes & banana

L:   8oz salad, 3oz garbanzo beans, 1oz parmesan cheese, oil & vinegar dressing.

D:  4oz  Spicy Black Bean Burger, 12oz roasted veggies (green peppers, tomatoes, onions, carrots)

I hear adventure music in the living room! It's a girls night here at the house with M out to Church, so I am off to join in the fun.

BLE: Prepping for a Bright week

There is a large bowl of roasted veggies in the fridge; acorn squash, onions, and a few potatoes that were all sliced up and seasoned with Mrs. Dash table blend and sprayed lightly with olive oil before heading into the oven for just under an hour.

Currently four ceramic bowls are baking away in the oven, full of yam pudding for breakfasts next week.

There are Spicy Black Bean Burgers in the freezer, ready for the microwave, and tomorrow I will prep a large bowl of raw green onion, cauliflower, red pepper and celery so a heavier mix of veggies is ready to round out my lettuce salads.

My goal for the week is to keep my Bright Lines simple, and practice self compassion anytime a wayward part insinuates itself into my days. It has become obvious that my 'parts' arrive in tandem with my  'reactions'.  Angry? My rebel needs attention. Hungry? My indulger is on the loose. Overthinking my choices? Either my food indulger or food controller are trying to protect me and we need to have a chat.

So I will be aware of when I am reacting irrationally, or have thoughts that may lead towards a bad decision, and be prepared to be compassionate towards the part of me that has risen to the top. I will be curious as to what sparked them, and I will be loving and understanding until they melt away.

Why the emphasis on compassion? Because I found myself getting mad this week, mad at myself for perceived shortcomings. Mad at myself for snacking again at Midnight. Mad at myself that I am not being perfect. Since the whole IFS process is about recognizing our parts, and practicing self compassion while learning about them and eventually healing them, I was also mad in part that I wasn't doing my 'parts work'. A viscous little circle.

But Master Mind Group to the rescue this morning, and now I am calm and ready for the week ahead. I will practice being kind to myself, and make sure my thoughts are positive. I will meditate each morning, and end each day by giving thanks. These are not new ideas, they go back literally thousands of years. So either I am a much younger soul that I imagined, or just a stubborn learner. But it doesn't matter, because I am only and exactly just where I am and it's okay. Because I am learning about myself, and learning what it means to be unstoppable, and that means I already have a better place to start from tomorrow than I did yesterday.

Time to rest my back after a busy and productive morning of shopping, meeting, and cooking.

BLE: Chile Rellenos made Bright

Last night I weighed out two breakfast servings of Rice, egg, cheese & Chiles. My glass containers are perfect for prepping dishes like this, so it's easy to throw in the microwave for a quick and delicious breakfast. Each container had 4oz left over cooked rice, about a tablespoon of mild chipped green chilies, one slice of pepper jack cheese crumbled, and about .2oz of parmesan ea to bring the half protein servings up to 1oz. One egg, raw and whisked, was stirred into each dish for the final allotment of protein and then the dishes were covered and in the fridge.

This morning I scooped 2oz of salsa on the top of mine, and microwaved it for three minutes. It was wonderful. A little heavier on the stomach than is a usual Bright Line breakfast, but that is just the nature of rice.

I had the last of my spicy stew for lunch, and there is bean stoup in the fridge for dinner tonight. In the morning I'll do my shopping from the list I will make today - and having woken this morning thinking about keeping meals more simple this week I'm not sure yet what that will look like. Meatballs and steamed broccoli comes to mind, but I need a meatless recipe so that will be my google assignment while C is down for his nap. Maybe a bean/meat hybrid...

Last night was not good, and bread an butter was the reason. When A mentioned only the heels were left of the loaf of Dave's seeded bread, I should have just thrown them out. But instead my saboteur tucked away the note that the kids wouldn't eat them. Which of course meant that when I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night eventually that note was presented to me. I did lay in bed and ask the indulger part why, and didn't they know this would hurt me, but the bigger part at that moment was marching around with a big sign that said, 'I DON'T CARE' in bold Helvetica print.

Pulling out my little paper journal, I see that I only had three bright days behind me, so not much of a stretch. But let me put that in to perspective. The prior 100 days that I tracked only had ten bright days all told. Not much to brag about. Mostly Bright days broken by midnight snacks that were NOT flour or sugar. Currently I am on day 64 of my next 100 days, and there are already 23 brightly highlighted boxes; fully 50% Bright so far. So no shame or blame, just back to day one again this morning.

And I just realized what probably happened. Yesterday I wrote about wearing size XL at Christmas. That probably invoked my Rebel part who comes out to protect me whenever it's noticeable that I may be getting smaller. Speaking of which, I seem to have lost the extra little folds of fat from my back! I was checking out the back of my hair yesterday when I noticed that they were missing, so two indicators of my body changing back towards the sexy me I was when I was abused and taken advantage of in younger years.

But I am not that little girl anymore, nor a young impressionable woman, and I will keep working with the protector part of me to reassure them I can now take care of myself, and that I am no longer in danger.

And so the parts work continues in Bright Line Freedom.

BLE: Not pizza for lunch

 This was so delicious, and I made it two days in a row for lunch. I have a feeling it will become a staple.

Season a pan of green peppers & red onions cut into quarter inch strips with oregano, basil, fennel seed, rosemary, sage & thyme. ( I drizzled on a bit of olive oil and used my hands to mix it all together well.) Roast to your preference, I use 350 for 45 minutes.

Layer 6oz of the  cooked veggies on a glass or microwave safe plate. Mine was about 8" in diameter. Spoon over 2oz of no sugar marinara sauce, 3/4oz mozzarella cheese and 1/4oz parmesan, and 1oz of turkey pepperoni. Cube and add over top 6oz of pineapple.

Microwave until hot through and the cheese has 'fried' a little bit. I cooked mine on high for six minutes total. It was delicious and probably too sexy for BLE, but on plan and so very satisfying. The next time I make a batch I'll add cherry tomatoes to the roasting pan. It makes me think of the kabobs my Mother made when I was little that had those little smoky sausages, cherry tomatoes, green peppers, onions, and pineapple on them. Those flavours together have definitely not gone out of style.

I was reading part of another blog this evening about someone who had lost weight on BLE, but had dropped out because she was never satisfied after a meal. I won't be that person. Even if I give up a little of the 'freedom' part of Happy, Thin & Free by making food that is technicaly too sexy, it will still be a much better life than I have had the last 40+ years.

My daughter is also losing weight on Bright Line Eating, and she is ordering Christmas Pajamas in size XL for us. I still have my XXXL polar bear flannel pajamas and they are ridiculously big on me. But even knowing that, I have a hard time imagining that I will fit into XL pajamas this year. But I know by keeping my lines Bright it can, and will, happen.

What a happy thought!

BLE: Bean with Bacon Soup

 As the temperature dips from the 100s to the 70s I find myself craving soup. Rich and thick bean soup that will be almost Bright Line compliant. Because I am going to cook some bacon to crumble up into the soup.  Just a bit, just enough for the flavour. I'm also going to use ham hocks to make the base of the soup along with vegetable stock, carrots celery and onion, and a whole box of fresh baby spinach.

My intention is to be meticulous about weighing the proteins, so I will carefully separate out the ham after cooking the vegetables. After storing the base in the fridge overnight, in the morning I will be able to skim off the fat, blend up the veggies, then weigh the soup into bowls. To those I will weigh in the beans, ham, and bacon. I'm going to have to back into the measurements, weighing the ham and bacon first, then figuring out how many beans to add. (The white beans are currently in the instant pot.)

And all of a sudden it's all seeming way too complicated at this point. Which is probably why SPT doesn't eat soup - it's just not simple. Maybe that should be my strategy - how do I make this simple. Back when I did this the end of last year, I just made the pot of bean soup with tons of veggies and divided it into however many servings of beans there were in the bag.

Okay, deep breath. When the beans come out of the instant pot I'll divide them into 9 servings. After googling my reasoning is...1# of dried beans = 6 cups cooked beans, each cup should weigh about 8.5oz. 6x8.5=51 divided by 6oz servings is 8.5 servings. But I am going to add small amounts of ham and bacon to each serving so I am spreading the beans out over 9 servings. Then tomorrow after processing the veggies I'll add to the containers filling them up. Because I've been using the same glass containers for a year I know what a meal looks like. For my brain this works, and really that is the only 'rule' to Bright Line Eating. SPT likes to say there are no BLE Police. And that we should make sane choices based on what works for us. For me this recipe seems reasonable. Lots of whole plant foods spiced up with a little animal protein and fat; a compromise I can live with for now.

That being said I shouldn't feel guilty about heading into the kitchen to cook the bacon. It will be crisp, and drained, before adding it to the soup. And it's a small center cut package that will be spread out over 9 servings. Not even half an ounce each. Am I fine with that? Yes, I believe I am. Or is it the part of me that is excellent at rationalizing that is thinking this? Maybe, but I know myself well enough to know that restricting anything can set off my rebel part. 

And now I'm thinking about the pig.

Well this has turned into a rambling mess, but I suppose that is what journaling is. What did I call this venture? Writing helps me Think?

BLE: Fasting and Love

I love how so many lessons I have learned during my years eating for nutrition and searching for answers to better health all show up in Bright Line Eating, and in Susan's Facebook Live today she answered questions for over two hours and one of the topics was about the healing our bodies do overnight. She suggested that we could break our fast with water in the mornings in order to extend the healing time gained by fasting. There is a Bright Line for meals, meaning we only eat three meals a day, and never a bite after dinner. "Front loading' our meals is suggested - eating earlier rather than later in the day - to optimize the fasting period at night and I have slipped into the rhythm of having my meals about 7, 11, and 4 each day or thereabouts. This gives me on average about 15 hours each night where my immune system can work on healing me.

So in essence, Intermittent Fasting.

Years ago I would make a point of drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning. It's such a wonderful sensation to feel your body hydrate and come alive inside. So another habit to reform, water first thing in the morning. Maybe that extra hour or two of fasting will help with the inflammation that is still causing pain in my knees and hips. At least I hope that's what it is. So many years of pounding away with an extra hundred pounds or so leaves me afraid there is damage in there.

But I am hoping for inflammation and that the pain will be receding soon.

It was a challenging day keeping up with C, the house, everything in general. But I did not taste a bit of the various chocolate items I had purchased at the store in hopes of tempting C into eating something. (He has barely eaten anything this week and had asked for chocolate sticks. I did not buy KitKats.) I did not steal a bite of A's grilled cheese she left half uneaten on the dining room table. And it wasn't hard. Not really. The thought came, "Just pick it up and take a bite, it will be so crunchy and delicious." And my answer was a kind, "No thanks, we will just feel badly about it later. Let's stay Bright instead."  And there was no argument. Just love and compassion towards the part of me that wanted the bite was enough to calm the urge and silence the voice. Just Awesome. Bright Line Freedom at work.

I did some cooking this morning; Andouille sausage in the instant pot with lots of kale & onions, and some potato. Creole seasoning, Mrs. Dash Onion blend, red pepper flakes & Cardamom went in with a couple cups of chicken broth. Cooked on high for 40 minutes, then a quick release. I measured out three meals consisting of:

3oz Adzuki beans (canned), 2oz Sausage, 2oz potato, 4oz kale & onions, 3\4 cup broth.

It feels better splitting my protein, and eventually I imagine I will be mostly vegetarian. But in the meantime I was very happy with my lunch and glad there are two more meals ready to go. The rest of the sausage and the veggies are stored separately in the fridge to combine as desired into more meals.

Better get back to work. Big Sigh.