Sunday, November 7, 2010
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"...memorable advice from my maternal grandmother, Mommer, that I can't seem to follow despite how true the words ring or how often I quote it to myself and others. The follow up is from my daughter, who looked up the word procrastination and didn't like what she read since that is a trait I seem to have passed along to her. I also do not like what it says about me, since I am a chronic procrastinator, and zeroed in on this passage:
"The psychological causes of procrastination vary greatly, but generally surround issues of anxiety, low sense of self-worth, and a self-defeating mentality. Procrastinators are also thought to have a lower-than-normal level of conscientiousness, more based on the "dreams and wishes" of perfection or achievement in contrast to a realistic appreciation of their obligations and potential."
That's me,dreams and wishes, and not living up to my potential. Crap. I hate being self aware on one hand and lazy enough to ignore what I learn on the other; there is a serious disconnect here and so far I have been unable to bridge the gap. I am a good worker bee, and take pride in my work when it is for another. The disconnect becomes apparent when the work is for myself, and I continually forget about the ripple effect that can suck others down into my ever deepening tar pit of good intentions. Road to hell indeed. So today I decided to make myself a 'honey do' list (me being the honey), and what better place to post it than the blog I keep 'intending' to update! I don't want to clutter the list with the day to day humdrum details that I keep putting off, but instead to focus on the things that I feel will help me move forward - the mental list that keeps popping up but is continually left undone. So my goal here is to write the list, and then stay accountable to myself by republishing it with items marked off.
Reorganize home 'office'
Write each day for an hour instead of virtual farming (more about that later)
Yoga or stretching as a routine
Quit fast food yet again
AND....this is ridiculous - making yet another list instead of working on something - I am the Goddess of Procrastination! At least I am writing it down so my actions can count towards the new habit of writing each day.
I think I need to append the stages of grief with a notation about being stuck thrown in as 4.5 on the list. That being said, I haven't even written about how I am working again, but that is for another day, and another moment of quiet in which to write.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
While I don't like the idea of Annie replacing Pollyanna, the words seemed appropriate this morning. I need to write...and I think I will start again tomorrow. And I need to start writing down ideas in a notebook so I can expound upon them later; who knows, these could be the columns that fuel my retirement!