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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

It's all good for now

My 3 year anniversary review at work this afternoon took 2 hours. I have a raise and some work to do, but my boss is happy with the 'smoke and mirrors' of the department and how everything is getting done. I am to finish up my table top desk and take it in with my flat screen monitor so he can see how I want to make my workstation 'dynamic'. Hopefully he will approve and I can put in a work order to mount the monitor and move my bulletin board.

I was so tired after our meeting that it was easy to head straight home to heat up soup for dinner. I'll make a new batch tomorrow while the rest of the Fam is at softball and the kitchen is free. We always make do in there no matter what needs to be done, it's just more relaxing when we aren't playing bumper cars in the process. Maybe I'll even have a Crabbies seeing as how I splurged and picked up a 4-pack at the store my last shopping trip. As H use to note, I do better in the evenings with a drink under my belt.

Speaking of H, I noticed the other day that I hadn't really thought of him much recently, and when he does cross my mind it's fleeting or in reference to something specific, not me dwelling on the unfixable. I think I know now that even should I never have another love interest I'll be okay. A life different than I had anticipated, but one still good and worthwhile. Baby steps.

Lets see, what is on the agenda for this evening. First dinner and a show, then hopefully reading with A - she continues to amaze us all with her proficiency, and maybe a quick check on the new tomato plants in the back first; I've barely been outside all day and my skin and eyes and joints ache for it.

Well, my 'show' was Noah and it was loooong. So no outside puttering. A and I did read the first chapter of Lemony Snicket's The Bad Beginning, A reading the first page almost entirely by herself. And I am too tired to bathe her, the rents out and about in their separate endeavors. It's Spring break, she is suppose to be dirtier than usual from playing all day, no? Yes.

Farewell March, farewell the first quarter of the year, where did you go? How did you slip through my fingers with so little to show from it. Sneaky months, just sayin'.

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: bean burrito from CJ's with extra pico de gallo, sweet greens juice
Snack: banana, apple
Dinner: last of left over veggie bean soup with parmesan noodles added

Monday, March 30, 2015

More greens please

I did my Monday lunchtime shopping at sprouts for my weekly salads and picked up a juice for the drive home after work. I am planning to eat well this week, in terms of quality not quantity, and my shopping reflected my goals. My drive through breakfast did not.

Neither did my tacos at 380 Calories and very little lettuce and salsa to compensate for all of the processed ingredients. I don't know if I'm really hungry when I stop or if I'm avoiding arriving home. Which is weird, I love being home, it's just that there isn't anything fried or super bad here. I think I 'prestress' eat in preparation of whatever may come. Survival instincts gone awry!!

Quiet prevening at home with the Fam at softball practice followed by a quiet evening as they set out to play Ingress, leaving me with a pudding cake in the kitchen. I can't complain, I brought one home this weekend per a request from M when asking if they needed anything from the store. We are all bad, not a saving grace among us at the moment; it's a frickin feeding frenzy!

Just listened to the movie Anita. I remember the trial so vividly and being so pissed off at Spectre and applauding her bravery; she has meant so much to women finding their voices, I am thrilled to see how her life has turned out.

I will do better tomorrow by 1. remembering my green juice to drink on the way home and 2. win the fight to stay on the freeway passing fast food exits. I will.

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: Grocery store blend of Kale, Brussels sprouts, etc to which I added pepitas, sprouted chick peas & avocado
Snack: banana, two tacos from JITB
Dinner: whole grain toast w/organic apricot jam, tiny cheeseburger white castle style home made by R
Dessert: Lemon pudding cake.


Katy Says that April is National Foot Health Awareness Month. The link will take you to a calendar of events that I will be following closely. Not only is Katy fun to listen to, but full of the biomechanic data we need to work towards better movement and less pain in our lives. I highly recommend going back and listening to her podcast series with Dani Hemmat; education, practical applications and laughter all in one engaging package of two friends chatting it up.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Sometimes it's better to just stop ...OR NOT

Another quiet weekend day. Some more cleaning up, the last of the laundry, another stint in the back yard weeding and picking up the dog messes. Three dogs is too many, just sayin'.

An afternoon shower and then lying down to watch Hugo left me with a head of flopsy wavy hair that will need to be tamed before work tomorrow. I had thought about going out to the theatre to see the new Cinderella, but I seem to be limited to a half day of energy. Better that than none, no?

Perhaps that is why I have found it so hard to make salads lately, it just takes so much out of me. And with that I am done writing for the day, I don't like where this is going.

Deciding action might be the better course of action I headed out intending to go to the Library where it would be cool and quiet and I could pick up the next audio book in my series. But looking at the car clock and realizing the Library was already closed I turned into Lowes instead for some Pineapple Sage and Garden Sage, both deterrents to the flies that want to swarm in the breezeway on our patio. In an attempt to cheer up my daughter who is also in somewhat of a funk today I splurged and bought a cherry tomato that was already staked and fruiting! So really a present for both of us if the green tomatoes actually ripen. Back home I am once again a bit too warm and telling myself that the weather too is part of our bodies working like a finely tuned machine; You can read more about that over at

Maybe I'll go out to a prevening show and have popcorn for dinner instead of soup. That would be totally out of my comfort zone and energy level. But I'm full of ... repressed frustration?..and feel the need to do something more than the retail therapy I am just back from indulging in at Lowes.

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: chopped salad: romaine, cilantro, cauliflower, orange bell pepper, sunflower seeds, sprouted garbanzo beans, green onion. Left over bow-tie pasta, parmesan, freshly ground pepper.
Planned Dinner: left over veggie-bean soup  Actual Dinner: Polish dog from Spanky's

Saturday, March 28, 2015

73 and burning up!

Typical Saturday morning; dishes, laundry, puttering around picking up and putting away the detritus of the week. But then we girls headed out back and did some pruning, weeding and planting. We have Early Girl tomatoes in the hanging planter and some heartier beefsteak type toms staked in the planter on the back patio. It will be wonderful to have garden ripened tomatoes again this summer.

It only took about half an hour in the sun before the heat and sweat drove us in the first time. Checking the temperature it was only 73! We chatted a bit with A about how lucky we are to have the sun and a back yard trying to ease the burden of picking up old dried up oranges and weeding. I'm not sure she was going for it. But every week the yard is looking better. I might need to pick up a new weed whacker. Might.

Resting while watching Yard Crashers was good for the big girls, but A went out front with a ball of string and a bunch of sticks she had cut to length. Now she is struggling with her imagination, and the lack of appropriate materials to build the swing she has her heart set on; god I wish I could keep up with her!

Done and done! I convinced her that a swing engineered to hold the weight of one of her dolls would be awesome, that I was sorry I didn't have rope heavier than string, and she agreed it was a good compromise. We knotted and hung and punched and knotted some more and viola! She has a beautiful little swing hanging from the Crepe Myrtle by the front door. On the same branch she uses to swing herself, practice pull ups, and fly around the trunk.

While the depth of the swing's seat could have been deeper, she was happy with the results.

Grocery shopping done, fruit salad made, bean soup simmering away on the stove. The sun is finally on it's way down and I'm going to head out back for a few more minutes of Spring weather. I so love having all the windows open and listening to the motorcycles, ducks, and white noise of the neighborhood.

I've been on my feet most of the day, either barefoot, wearing my thin 'barefoot' OP shoes or few minutes on my Crocs to dash outside once. I can feel a difference after only a few days, I do believe my feet are getting stronger. I'm also doing toe exercises on and off when I am standing at the keyboard. Go me.

breakfast: decaf, egg on toast
lunch: whole grain toast, quinoa Qrunch pattie, tomatoes, sriracha sauce sandwich
Dinner: home made bean soup: bok choy, celery heart, orange bell pepper, white onion, cannellini beans, magic mushroom mix, freshly ground pepper, spoonful of sr cream.

Friday, March 27, 2015

More thinking, and Dreams

I lay in bed thinking last night after signing off, discouraged by my lack of progress and having these 'failures' in my past still haunting me. I realized that I was only seeing a small part of the picture, that the people in my life were there for me too, not just the other way around, and that they have influenced the path of my life probably more than I affected theirs. I sometimes use to wonder what my path may have been had I not left LA, if I instead had been gifted with the foresight to pair with someone local who would ensure my continued Summer presence at the Lake. But it was only in brief flashes, because as I have noted before, I would not trade my children for any alternate life. I do have a fantasy streak in which I did make different choices and am living vicariously through those parallel universes where I am happy, an artist, a music teacher, a writer. Dreams. Kudos to those who have the passion to pursue them in this life.

This worker bee is letting all this go for now and getting back to writing procedures. See, I am a writer after all.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. God people can make me crazy. Just really bat shit crazy. Just sayin'.

Back to work.

Totally forgot to finish up this post. Nice evening with the Fam watching Jack and the Cuckoo Clock heart, then early to bed and another movie, this time Hansel and Gretel, Witch Hunters. Cool.

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: last of the pea soup with a spoonful of organic sour cream and hot sauce
Dinner: Curly Fries, couple of chips out of A's nachos, small handful of salami

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Some days just don't end well

Another busy day under my belt, all of a sudden there is lots to do and I am happy to have the hours fly past.

Lunch was spent finding a Bday card for my sis, and some chocolate to slip into the envelope. Then driving around talking myself out of any possible bad choice I could make. I wasn't so successful on the way home, stopping for tacos more out of a desire to delay my arrival at home than anything else. I am doing my share to keep positive around M, and knowing he has been home while I have been at work can be trying when I see the chores to be done. But whatever it takes to keep him whole and sane and here for his Fam is what we will do and gladly despite the mini rant.

Just in from mowing the back and bringing out the garbage cans and I am sweaty and beat. I wore one of my two new pair of $10 shoes from Walmart to work today and I am thrilled with how my feet feel. Thin rubber flexible flat soles, wide enough toe box, and a single strap across the top of my foot. Nice looking enough for the office. The second pair look a little like my vibrams, but no toe separation, just a really wide font to the shoe and same thin flexible rubber sole. Those will be Friday\weekend shoes looking more sporty and flashing a trim of orange stripe. Perhaps the Crocs have not been such a great idea as a transition shoe to more natural footwear. It's too early to tell, but my feet are currently happier than usual and I am hopeful.

Thoughts are flickering through my head this evening, one thing after another reminding me of Joey, of H, of my Ex J. What was I to these men in my life? Did being with me change them in any way? For better or worse? I still wonder mostly about Joey and the quality of his life; the balance between what a happy loving creative child he was and the misery he found himself in later. I still don't know what I could have done different at the time. In hindsight I would have paid closer attention to him and less to his father's problems. Wow, that sounded full of blame and bitterness. Have I been harbouring ill feelings without realizing it? Maybe. It no longer matters. Dead is dead.

Going to bed before a case of morbidity consumes my better sense. I'm glad to look forward to another busy work day tomorrow and fine weather for the weekend and getting some much needed yardwork done. I may even indulge in a little more retail therapy and purchase a new weed whacker. One that actually works!

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: last of the leftover corned beef veggies with a spoonful of organic sour cream and hot sauce
Dinner: 2 tacos, salad with avocado
Snacks: Popcorn, one pot sticker

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Just checking in

Up early this morning and had coffee and breakfast ready to go by 6:30. My decaf definitely does not have as much caffeine as the Mickey D's decaf, but my daughter is encouraging me to take Shaklee's Mind Works and I know from experience that will fill in the missing lift.

I turned into a couch potato this evening, guess I used up all my oomph yesterday. But I am proud of the fact that I was alone all evening and, despite several visits to the kitchen for a snack, I was able to do without. Wearing short sleeves and seeing my once beautiful arms inflated to baggy saggy sad appendages instead of the strong and toned limbs they once were is a great incentive. Sometimes. I still drove through for dinner again this afternoon. But no fries & no snacking. That's all good.

I'm still bushed, and ready to call it a day. I will not succumb to an easy fix, I will tough out this allergy season being grateful that I am not hacking up a lung. I will continue to hydrate, take my immune support, and somehow up my plant intake. "Just do it Sweetie, your body will thank you!" squeaks the angel sitting on my right shoulder.

breakfast: home decaf, toast w\ PB, honey, flax meal, half a banana
lunch: leftover homemade pea soup with a spoonful of organic sour cream and hot sauce
Dinner: Star burger

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Writing - the good gene

I made a decision at the beginning of this year to write everyday, and then I later decided to add my food log in an attempt to add a component of accountability to my eating habits. While I can't say it's been entirely successful, it does make me happy in an odd sort of way that I am in fact following through with something. I have also been eating more at home and limiting my fast food to breakfast.

All that being said I was 'starving' as I left work and my early dinner was dashboard dining on a Star burger. Back when I was having what I later discovered was probably low blood sugar while eating a diet that was the current popular high protein\low carb fare, I came to recognize the symptoms that triggered an immediate response to eat. Panic, sweat, shakes - when these start I know to bolt for food like a diabetic staving off coma. Okay, not that drastic, but the urge is there and it's pretty frantic. As long as I don't snack tonight pretending that I haven't really had 'dinner' the day won't be a loss. Along those lines my prevening snack was the last of the raw mushrooms taking up space in the fridge.

The Fam is home and the big secret is that A is going to be presented with Student of the Month at the next Spirit Assembly. She has already been the 'Star' of the week - that is for everyone in the class to celebrate why they are special. This award is truly only given out once a school term month, nine or ten? to one child. She is excelling at writing above her grade level and I am so so happy and proud that she is a writer. I tease her mother sometimes that she will be the one to write a best seller and keep us warm and safe in our retirement years. Go A!

Time to go visit with my fellow creatures for a bit before bedtime. I have been rather wrapped up in my audio books of late while giving them time to be together as an independent family unit. All in less than 1200 sq ft. Quite the feat.

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: leftover homemade pea soup and garlic bread
Dinner: Star burger
Snack: raw mushrooms
Bedtime Snack: one slice buttered bread (organic whole grain)

Monday, March 23, 2015

Then and Now, a girl's perspective on being here

The girl stood on the gate swinging slightly to and fro wishing she could just.go.back. Where, exactly, was not as clear as the feeling that she should be there instead of here, but she knew for certain that she remembered it as bright and calm and satisfying in a way that this world would never be. Why did she have to be here, why did she have to be doing this. Not that she didn't love her family, and her summers at the Lake, and the pretty dresses her mother sewed for her, but the social obligations were killing her. Having pictures taken, going to school, helping with the dishes. And she knew she was looking at a life filled with all kinds of interruptions and irritations just like these were but more so. Had she really picked this? What an odd thought she mused. Then her brother was there demanding her presence for the Easter photo. Everyone was ready but her and he had been sent to gather in the stray sheep. So she went, admiring her white patent leather shoes and the bounce of her hair on her shoulders as she headed resignedly over to their grand-parents house next door. She might have been 8 or 9 at the time, it was hard to remember.

I go back to this memory every so often; it's from my childhood but also tied to the day Joey died and I felt him open a door from somewhere else to let me know he was okay; both direct experiences of the great 'unknown'. I am blessed, some never feel this this connection. And no, it matters not if they were coping mechanisms  or accurate observations, for me they were absolute truths. And for some reason today I am dwelling in the feelings those experiences invoked, and a bit more than a little embarrassed that I have not stepped up to meet whatever this challenge is that is facing me. That I have been complaining about in one way or another most of my life. Typically my wisdom comes from books, and today I was reminded by Cassandra Clare (Mortal Instruments) that steel is forged in fire, and that I have an organic obligation to not only abstain from giving up, but to actually thrive and be empowered by my failures. So after hearing this I could do naught but make good choices, while keeping my temper down and my thoughts positive. It would seem an upward spiral may have commenced, and I desperately wish it so.

In that light, it is time to go make a dinner more healthy than not.

I've kept busy all prevening into evening; stopping at the store on the way home from work for supplies and then getting dinner ready for my softball crew of three. I had my own dinner, and then after a few games of solitaire went back out and cleaned up the kitchen. Rotating the dishes, drying and putting away one load and setting the next to start. M and A are watching Big Hero 6, and as soon as it's over it will be time for teeth, PJ's and getting tucked in for the night. All of us!

It was a really busy day at work for me with half our department out and one whose body was there but who disappeared into her phone ALL day. Literally. Okay, there was the hour and three quarters that she was gone for lunch that I can't account for, but maybe she actually got in 1-2 hours of work today while I went from one thing to the next covering for the other two. Of course I couldn't have asked for help, I am much too passive aggressive for that. Not that I feel martyred, just super disappointed that our partnership hasn't worked out, and the time has come to say something to my boss since trying to get through to her hasn't worked. Very sad. My review is coming up at the end of the Month, and I am thinking about what exactly to say. It will kill any ties of friendship I have, but I have tried and tried and can't get her on board. Her personal life comes first and it always will - her right to make that choice, I can't deny that - but the negative impact on the department needs to be mended. I don't want to lose two good workers because of one uninterested one.

Time for some tylenol pm, I can't take three sleepless nights in a row!

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: Amy's Organic cheese enchilada w\ avocado on a bed of power greens and a spoon of organic sr cream. Oh, and lots of fresh cilantro mixed in too.
Dinner: leftover St Paddy's day veggies and freshly  made garlic bread

Sunday, March 22, 2015

What a lazy day; I'm blaming the pancakes

Breakfast out with the Fam and then driving around for a bit while they 'hack portals, load resonators? and 'link back' to whatever. Ingress has become a normal part of their driving habit, and M is proficient at ambidextrously keeping both phones going while R does the driving. I can tell they are having fun doing this together and it makes me smile.

It's grey outside, and we arrived home to little flurries of tiny raindrops blowing hither and yon. Might be time to snuggle up for an early movie while I crash from my pancake breakfast.

Hopefully I will make myself straighten up in my room today, it's feeling a bit claustrophobic again. I feel like I am wasting my life away on mundane household chores. I will be the first to admit I have not\am not doing the best job of enjoying this life on earth. One might say it's a waste of space, but I keep thinking there will eventually be something more for me here. Not that loving my family isn't enough, but that is only a part of who I am, no?

The afternoon was spent tending a fire, helping A with her sewing project, and listening to the end of my current book while playing solitaire. Quiet and homey. Who cares if my room is a disaster. Apparently not me.

breakfast: two large Emil Villas six grain pancakes with organic walnuts
lunch: one leftover pancake, a slice of bacon,yesterday's juice
early dinner: sauteed mushrooms and sun dried tomatoes, leftover pasta, combined with a splash of cream and parmesan.
dinner part II: onion roll with cheese, tomatoes, sriracha sauce and red onion

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Hobbit meals and staying busy

It seems as though I have Hobbit blood coursing through my veins and compelling me to have seconds, not just helpings but whole meals. Yesterday I attributed my overeating to how tired I am, and again today it's all I can do to keep moving between sneezes. I left my asthma meds in my drawer at work, and I'm wondering if I should go pick up an over the counter nasal spray or detox over the weekend to see what happens. Am I really trading allergies and energy for meds and comatose energy levels? I keep reminding myself that if I don't treat these allergies I could trigger the asthma and be back on steroids. Again I think I would rather be tired than coughing, I think I will go with that.

Beginning my day with mostly carbs after berating myself for overindulging yesterday feels a lot like hair of the dog that bit me. I've already had my coffee and just want a shot of...OMG. I will NOT go down that road. Addicts in recovery do not joke about needing shots. Of anything.

Back to work! The first of the laundry is in, the vacuuming done, A's bed is changed and her floor picked up; mine not so much. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.....

Lunch! After rotating the dishes I juiced all of the lemons we got on sale this past week. From experience we know a sale means on their way out and we didn't wan to lose any as we did with the last large bag. There are now two ice cube trays full of freshly squeezed lemon juice in the freezer for recipes, water bottles and lemonade. There was a jar leftover and I decided on juicing as a way to clear out some of the fridge - it's a little out of control in there - and a good option for lunch after the mornings bad choices. Celery, cucumber, green apple, fresh pineapple, carrots, ginger & kale stalks. Then I added the fresh lemon juice until the celery wasn't overpowering. Very delicious and glad I took the time and energy to prepare it. There are three glass bottles in the fridge, maybe I'll just keep drinking some every time I'm hungry and maybe my allergies will calm down a little with the infusion of nutrients. A good intention that will not last, I am already full of doubt this will happen.

I have spent most of the day on my feet, and I know once I sit down they will tighten up and be painful once I try to stand again. But I am tired, and need a break.Oh the dilemmas of a fat woman!

A little time with A reading, a Saturday afternoon nap, a movie, and now some solitaire and mortal instruments before bed.

breakfast: decaf coffee, buttered toast with the last of the left over corned beef
2nd breakfast:last two slices of thin crust veggie pizza
snack: eight ritz crackers and 1 thin slice of cheddar shared between them
lunch: freshly squeezed juice
dinner: left over pasta, sauce and a meatball, two slices of bread, parmesan cheese
dessert: vanilla ice cream

Friday, March 20, 2015

Welcome Spring

Like many I enjoy the creative Google graphics that greet me when signing on in the morning. Adds a little smile and helps lift the mood if stuck at a desk. Anyway, the weather has certainly felt like Spring the past few days; heater in the morning, AC in the afternoon driving to and from work. That initial blast of the AC when starting the car in the morning can be a shocker!

Our schedules at work have changed a bit and I am enjoying my quiet mornings, maybe too much since I am typing here instead of writing procedures and reviewing ongoing projects. It is sometimes hard to be motivated when there is nothing with timely importance on my desk. Not to say our department manual isn't important, and should be completed by June, or August as J guessed yesterday. But it does not inspire.

This evening A and I have a date night, and we have a sewing project to finish up. I need to think of something fun for us to do; maybe go out for frozen yogurt downtown. Sigh. The little angel sitting on my shoulder is compelling me to get to work. 8:08 am and I am already yearning for home.

Damn, I just remembered I forgot to bring my lunch of leftover pizza.

The day turned into an odd one. I had once again not slept well until after 2am when I finally got up and had another piece of pizza. Waking at quarter to 7 I made coffee, dressed, washed my face and rushed out the door with an apple and a banana in my lunch bag. Once at work I couldn't stand the feel of my dirty hair and as soon as I could (8:30) I lit out for a shampoo and a blow out at the local supercuts. On the way back to the office I was still dragging and stopped by Starbucks to use up my holiday gift card. Spotting a darling little egg salad sandwich I grabbed it for a very early lunch along with my decaf americano.

Finally busy with work and not hungry for lunch it was 2 when I needed a break. Three of us met at Starbucks for hot chocolate and a meeting. I think we accomplished a couple of things before heading back to the office. Out of there at 3:30 I was still dragging. This after an all time high of two decafs and a chocolate in the same day. I know it's the inhaler I am using to ward off the cough that stems from allergies, but I know I hate the coughing worse than the not sleeping so I will tough it out.

A was an absolute angel this evening. She has an upcoming 'Egg Drop' at school next week and it was all about making her box. She did a great job, incorporating cotton balls and a parachute made from an organic vegetable bag and plastic straws, some green holiday ribbon and a home made cardboard box for the base of her 'hot egg carrier balloon'. She rocks projects. I'm sure she will remember about the sewing at some point this weekend, or I will remind her, but I am thankful she forgot about it tonight. The reigning project was much more fun.

She had left over pasta with sauce and a big meatball and finished her whole bowl - a rare occurrence these days - and I had a couple pieces of my left over veggie pizza and a small corned beef sandwich. We each had a small bowl of vanilla ice cream for dessert and watched the 4th Harry Potter movie. A nice productive quiet evening. I hope the 'rents are having fun on their night out; Warriors are up by six in the 2nd quarter, so far so good.

After logging my food I can't help but give a heartfelt OMG! What a day of bad carbs, what was I thinking, or better yet why wasn't I thinking?  Oh yes, that would be the 'tired all day' and reaching for a pick me up. Insane when I know energy comes from greens, not refined carbs. I had better make it a weekend of plants, especially green ones.

Crazy woman signing out.

early breakfast: slice of leftover pizza (meat) 2am
breakfast: slice of TJ's Pugliese bread and thin smear of butter
lunch: egg salad with greens on whole grain bread
dinner: left over veggie pizza, super small corned beef sandwich
dessert: small bowl of vanilla ice cream

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Pizza and voting

Salt is saturating every pore in my mouth as I type. I'm loving and hating it all at the same time. Loving the sharp spice and resulting saliva in my mouth, hating how I will be swollen and cranky later and trying to purge the sodium.

I had heated up another Praeger's corn cake for lunch, topped with 2 small vine ripened tomatoes and half an avocado. For my protein I added the last of a bag of roasted and salted pepitas, and by last of the bag I mean all of the salt that had accumulated at the bottom. Tomorrow I start in on the newly purchased bag of seeds and I am sure I will miss the salt. Maybe I should have something different tomorrow so I don't have the comparison and am tempted to add salt.

Can I over think things or what?!

At lunch I had picked up three small tomato plants, an Early Girl and two...I don't know the picture looked good...and they are now out on the back patio resting in the middle of the table stand up high where hopefully the dogs won't bother them and the sun will start working it's magic. 59 days until tomatoes says the package :)

This afternoon was a game day for A and I volunteered to pick up some Papa Murphy's pizzas to bake at home and have ready for them afterwards. A regular crust all meat for M and A and a Gourmet Veggie DeLite for Me and R. Of course we will dip into their pizza for a slice but my intentions were good. They are sitting on the counter resting and I have just had a text that one of the girls' Mothers brought them pizza. Go figure. But pizza will not go to waste in this house. No harm no foul, appropriately enough given the season.

I wonder why I can hate my body yet not stop eating in order to change it. I am not alone, that is why there is a billion dollar diet industry. Can't some great minds get together and figure this out? It's not just about nutrition, or self realization. There has to be another element, and if so why can't someone figure it out? I don't want to eat too much, it just happens.

Checking back in before turning in for the night. American Idol is on and it's a voting night. Like mine counts, ha. That is sometimes a hard concept; if no one participates because they feel that one vote doesn't make a difference, then there are no votes. So either they all count or none of them do. I like to think they all do. Just like in politics. So vote.

Breakfast:  decaf coffee, sausage muffin
Lunch: Dr. Praeger's corn patties, avocado, tomatoes, pepitas
Dinner: left over veggies, one slice of veggie pizza - super thin crust and light cheese
Dessert: two freshly baked chocolate chip cookies  -  thank you Papa Murphy

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

First the quiet, then the binging

It's a quiet morning in my office, sunlight streaming through the open blinds and not a sound to be heard. No geese honking outside, no cars driving by, no laughter from down the hallway. It's a rare occurrence this peach, and I find it is conducive to, well, not working. I sit quietly for a moment, head down stretching out the back of my neck, hands loose in my lap, feet resting lightly on the floor. Then a car door closes, a footstep echoes from the upstairs suite, the glass door outside my office bangs shut. Time to get busy.

Taking a short lunch meant leaving half an hour early, and I must say that usually by 3 each day I am getting antsy to be gone and away from work. It's my new solution to the old office problem; be there at the same time as little as possible. Harrumph.

I'm tired this evening. I got home and ate almost a whole bag of microwave popcorn. Then had a bowl of leftover veggies from last night's feast, then a small bowl of Kashi cereal that was so horrible I had to add honey, flax meal and half a banana to make it edible. I still wasn't done, buttering a piece of bread and making a cuppa tea. I may have kept eating if the family hadn't returned home from tball practice.

Helping A with her homework and then watching part of Face Off together filled some time and then her parents arrive home from picking up some dinner. Now A is floating in a bathtub filled with beautifully striking aqua water and a light sprinkling of bubbles. She so loves to float and dream and ignore the whole washing part of taking a bath. I would too if I fit in the tub anymore.

Time to call it a day, make some chamomile tea, and settle in with Kaylee. I'm just done and pissed about the non stop eating. Although, it's a calm mad, nothing frantic or accusatory. I'll do better tomorrow.

Breakfast:  decaf coffee, sausage biscuit
Lunch: Dr. Praeger's corn patties, avocado
Snack: popcorn, cereal
Dinner: left over veggies, slice of bread with butter 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

A St. Paddy's Day Brisket

Awake at 4 something this morning I watched last night's episode of Castle before getting up and prepping everything for tonight's dinner. The plan was to leave directions for M to get dinner started and in the oven and I would finish up when I got home.

We are going to oven braise our corned beef this year in a homemade onion mixture seasoned with magic mushroom mix. It was a little early to really enjoy the smells steaming up out of the sautee pan, but once I added the prepackaged spices from the meat package it smelled like St. Paddy's day and that was good. I peeled and rough chopped the carrots, white onions & red potatoes and left them bagged and in the fridge. I rinsed and re-bagged the meat, and dumped the onion mix into a container and those went in the fridge along with everything else. I even left the roasting pan and jar of red palm oil on the counter with the directions that went something like this:

2pm: Preheat oven to 325
1. Sear both sides of meat for 1-2 minutes in 2T of red palm oil preheated in blue pan on stove
2. Add onion mix, then as many veggies as will fit, your choice.
3. Cover and put in the oven
4. I will add cabbage when I get home

Yikes! forgot to tell him to drain the potatoes before adding them, they are in water so they don't turn brown. A quick text later and it's all good.

Back to work for the wicked.

To Sprouts for lunch; I picked up a BoBo's Oat Bar - Maple Pecan - and munched on raw carrots left over from this morning's prep - plus a very small avocado that I was afraid was going to be inedible and ended up being perfect. What a lovely lunch; whole grains, raw veggie, healthy fat. Go me.

I also picked up some organic garlic bread from the fridge section to throw in the oven this evening to go with the brisket; A and M will appreciate it.

A quick stop at the store on the way home for horseradish - go figure they were all out - and some staples before heading home to finish up dinner.

Ta Da! Home in time to throw in the cabbage quarters for the last 45 minutes having turned the oven up to 350, then once the roasting pot was out of the oven the bread went in. While it was toasting I tossed the ceasar salad and sliced the brisket. Dinner was everything it was supposed to be; there are few things as wonderful as potatoes and carrots mashed together with onion after they have all spent a few hours basking together in a roasting pan with a corned beef brisket. Yum.

There is a blueberry and peach galette for dessert but that will have to wait; I am full and tired after packing up the leftovers and rinsing the mountain of pans, strainers, utensils and bowls it took to pull all of this together. M did a great job putting everything together this morning; it wouldn't have been possible without his help.

A and I had taken a quick trip to the library while the cabbage was cooking, and so my day has been literally non stop go go go. If my fitbit hadn't broken (if I hadn't washed it) I would have loved to know how many steps the day contained. Now it's time for a sit down and an episode of Mike and Molly while I relax.

Breakfast:  home brewed decaf coffee, half n half;  last two tiny slices of leftover pizza
Lunch: Bobo's oat bar, raw carrots, small avocado
Early Dinner: corned beef, cabbage, carrots, potatoes, onions, salad, garlic bread
Dessert: blueberry\peach galette

Monday, March 16, 2015

Baby steps

Something has me off kilter and I was up late again this morning. But I didn't rush off all hair brained. I made my coffee and breakfast as planned, and headed out ten minutes late, but not stopping for breakfast evened out the time.

I am writing this during a ten minute break. My work is caught up, my 'roomie' is on her phone, and I don't want to be here. Time to start in on procedures. Fun.

Ended up taking an early lunch and wandering around target; picked up a new pepper grinder and then headed back to the office in time to heat up my soup and listen to a little more of my story (now on book 4 of the Mortal Instruments.)

On the way home I picked up sewing pins for a project A and I are working on - making a nightgown for her sock monkey. That child has no ends of ideas, and she wants to do everything; my goal is to get through one thing. My lunch wasn't enough and I succumbed to temptation on the way to the store and picked up two tacos for a buck, around 380 calories so as long as I stick with salad later when I am hungry I should be fine for the day. Baby steps, get more things right than wrong within the day and you make progress.  A"What About Bob!" inspired comment.

I am wondering about my morning coffee, after three days of brewing my own decaf I seem more tired than ever in the afternoons. But everyone is complaining about how awful their allergies are and I suppose that is the culprit. Maybe juice instead of salad for dinner, that's an idea.

The house is quiet, I have dinner started for the kids, and it's time to watch a bit of uninterrupted tv. The windows are open, the geese honking as they fly by, and the dogs underfoot. Life is good.

Breakfast:  home brewed decaf coffee, half n half;  toast w\ PB, flax meal & half a banana
Lunch: homemade pea soup
Early Dinner: tacos from JITB

Sunday, March 15, 2015

A little slap

This morning I waited for the caffeine to kick in before even attempting to get started on the day. Sitting in my cozy bed sipping fresh coffee and visiting with A is a great way to begin a day and I relished every moment of it. After they all left for breakfast I began puttering around the house and  my feet were so sore I had to slip on my crocs. Inspiration hit and I googled the good feet store, got directions, and off I went. I knew it would be expensive, but their inserts had worked before when I was 200#'s and walking five miles a day. (my poor feetsies) I was horrified to hear that the package was now $600, it was like a slap to my psyche.This after driving over an hour to get there and spending another little bit being lost. God forbid I should have asked on the phone about the price - no - I just wanted to know their hours.

Driving home I felt a new level of determination to lose weight and give my poor feet some relief. Money talks and all that. Once at home I took a quick scan of the fridge and headed out for groceries. I have whole grain bread for toast upon which I can build a breakfast to eat on the way to work. I have carrots onion and potatoes for the corned beef on Tuesday. I have mushrooms to make lentil soup and cucumbers and lemons to make fresh juice. I am set to have a positive week eating which will result in a negative week on the scale. I can't keep futzing around, I have to take care of this. I am tired of obsessing about my weight and all of the agony that entails. Mental and physical. I so want to be over this. Not just for me but for my granddaughter. A, bless her heart, told me last week that I am not fat. I need to remedy my weight before she starts seeing me from a different perspective.

I have had a pot of pea soup simmering for a couple of hours and that will be my dinner or lunch each day depending upon the weather. Salads, juice, smoothies and raw veggies will round out the meals; I just want to use up every scrap of food in the house. Waste not want not!

A quiet evening at home and I ended up watching Barnwood Builders - fun program. Now for a couple more tasks and I will be done for the day. I'm still a little disappointed in my Modesto trip, but if it helps motivate me, then all's well that end's well.

Breakfast:  home brewed decaf coffee, half n half; another tiny piece of left over pizza - thin crust hardly any cheese...
Snack: 3 small new potatoes, sour cream
Lunch: veggie burrito from Del Taco
Snack: small slice of cheesecake
Dinner: Pasta Arabica from TJ's

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Saturday - manic or normal?

I am very happy with my new little black and decker coffee maker. It came with a travel mug and a reusable filter basket and it's small enough to fit on the kitchen counter without too much fuss.  Being able to control the quality of the components is all of a sudden once again important to me, and to restrict the use of cream and sugar. Eventually I might quit using either or stop drinking coffee, but in the meantime it's something to look forward to on the drive to work which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half depending on traffic. Normal is 45 minutes, and I don't think I would be able to do it without my audio book and hot drink, so I am thankful I have those.
This little gem was $25.99 at target; it will pay for itself in six weeks

Breakfasts will be things like green smoothies, toast with PB or egg, fresh fruit. Anything but a sausage biscuit. That will be reserved for an occasional indulgence, if my plan proceeds on track.

Plan? Just going back to the basics. "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants", Michael Pollan. Only whole grains and in moderation, no artificial sweeteners, flavours or colours if I am tempted to buy something processed, and cutting way back on the sugar. At least a cup of beans\legumes each day to stabilize blood sugar. A tablespoon of flax meal with breakfast to stabilize mood and add a healthy fat. Nuts or seeds in my salads, adding fat so more nutrients are absorbed from the greens. Cooking batches of veggie soup on the weekend so I have a healthy go to in the fridge at all times. Keeping staples on hand like potatoes in the cupboard, cooked rice in the freezer, and fresh fruit on the counter. Splurge at the grocery store on berries and seeds, always worth the bang for the buck, and have a sandwich once a week so I don't feel deprived. I'm sure I have forgotten something, but those are the basics.

I walk past the bowl of 'fun' sized candy bars each day at work on the way to the ladies room but haven't been tempted all year, and haven't picked up a single one. And yesterday at target grabbed a bag of the hard shell chocolate eggs that M is partial to, but wasn't tempted to get anything for myself. Sugar in my coffee or honey in my tea remain my two sources of added sugar. For Now. Because reading blogs of others trying to manage their weight, this always comes up, how much better they feel sans sugar. And I believe that my cutting out most sugar is responsible for my trigger digits not coming back, as I may have mentioned once or twice!

Sharing links and pictures was also part of my research into nutrition and making healthy meals, so I will try to do more of that. Not to 'stay accountable' but to celebrate good food coming from good decisions. The beginning of a positive energy cycle; May the Force be with me!

Well, something is with me. The laundry is done, and I have broken a sweat weeding out in the back yard. Of course it is 77 and I was in the direct sun. But if I am sick why am I up and doing things? Am I in a Manic swing or is it the new inhaler? Looking online I find that some idiots are taking it apart, soaking the inside cotton to extract the active chemical, and drinking it to get high. Lord but people can be crazy, and blogging about it. So weird. I guess no more strange than  my random rants and posts; most of us need to feel connected in one way or another.

An enforced rest is called for, and lots more drinking, and then I will reasses and maybe go back out once I have cooled off.

Laundry is done, and I did make it out to weed a little more once the sun was lower in the sky. I also mowed the bulk of the grass that is growing like crazy due to aforesaid weather changes. Maybe that is where I should spend my tax return instead of keeping it in savings for 'emergencies'. But I am hot from the exercise followed by the soup for dinner and it's time to sign off.

I still don't know if it's a cold or allergies, but at this point I am pretty sure it's allergies. I'll add nasal rinsing back into the regime and see if that helps.

It felt good to be on my feet moving most of the day, although after sitting down for dinner it hurts to stand up. Maybe it's time to go back to the good foot doctor.

Breakfast:  home brewed decaf coffee, half n half; whole wheat toast, PB, flax meal, fresh blackberries
Snack: TJ's guilt free kettle chips, small avocado mashed with garlic powder\salt
Lunch: Cheese and crackers, few bites of a small leftover sandwich
Dinner: won ton soup (I had a quart left from yesterday) and one tiny piece of cheese pizza.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Out Damn Germs!

Sore throat, I banish thee
Congestion, I banish thee
DayQuil, thank you for a drip free morning at the office

Home now and full of won ton soup ( a whole quart) I am ready to call it a day. I've been by TJ's to get some groceries, taken M to get cash and do some quick 'drive bys' as part of the Resistance movement in the Ingress app he is playing on Google, and given Kaylee a bath. Now that the DayQuil is wearing off I am sure I will slow down and need a nap. A has a game this prevening, so the house will be quiet and I can sneeze in peace. Out Damn Germs indeed!

I need to up the Immune again tonight and keep the liquids coming; why I am already battling another bug I don't know - maybe it's just really bad allergies due to all the swinging back and forth between warm sunny days and rainy ones. But in any case I am determined to be over it before Sunday so I can finally make it to a T-Ball game and watch A play.

restless...Dayquil no longer feels like my friend....

A trip to Target and I am stocked with tissues, a new inhaler, and a one serving coffee pot for the morning. Today was it, no more sausage. No more driving through in the morning. I have dark roast decaf from TJ's and half n half in the fridge. No sugar. I can make my coffee and breakfast at home or do without. I'm done. I'm also medicated and can't be trusted but at the moment my intentions are pure.

I hope I sleep well, I just took some tylenol pm and I'm ready to sleep instead of sneeze.


Breakfast:  decaf coffee, sausage biscuit
Lunch: TJ's organic cheese and green chili tamales (2), scoop of guacamole
Early Dinner: restaurant grade won ton soup with lots of freshly wilted spinach
2nd Dinner: organic chili, hot and bun with onions & tomatoes

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Just a quick note

Today was busy. Up in time to shower and plan meals but then a text came in and an office mate was not coming in. So instead of making meals I went in early. Good thing too, ended up two short for most of the day but got all of the work done.

Hmm, when did this become about work? Let's focus instead on the beautiful green hills I drove through on the way home, on the half hour of weeding I did in the backyard when I got here, and on the excitement of planning a triathlon with A. And who knew - when I googled the spelling I ended up on a link to a local triathlon with her age group included coming in May! Right here in town no less! GMTA and all that. Now she has training to do for not just our little endeavor but also for the city event. No places, no timing, just good healthy fun. A has already made up a poster; I'll have to take a pic and post later.

Now I am exhausted, fighting a cold, and ready for bed early. Please let the Immune and Immunity do their work while I sleep tonight; I would love to get through the end of this Winter without a full blown cold.

Breakfast:  decaf coffee, sausage biscuit
Lunch: TJ's organic cheese and green chili tamales (2), scoop of guacamole
Dinner: last of the homemade black bean and kale soup, WW Naan with organic cheddar cheese and spicy sprouts

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Unintentional plans and complaining

The decaf at JITB yesterday must have been either 1.not decaf or 2.a very strong variety. I couldn't fall asleep last night and watched too much TV as I tossed and turned and tried to get comfortable. I really want these first ten pounds to go quickly, that seems to be when the hip pain set in and I can't lay on my side for too long before the burning starts. How's that for motivation. And first ten pounds? When did I decide to do that? Admittedly they are the same 'first' ten pounds that I have lost a couple of times before, but writing that it almost felt like I had an intentional plan. Weird. Guess I do.

In any case I woke up fifteen minutes before I should have been leaving so I ran out of the house having only completed the bare essentials before leaving for work; Now I am heating up a frozen entree for lunch. This after a visit to the ladies room revealed that after being caught in the rain this morning I hadn't brushed my hair and random curls were everywhere and no one had mentioned it. Big Sigh.

Now it's back to writing procedures - will it ever end? Eventually this department will be just about ISO 9000 compliant. Like anyone but me cares...arghhh..get over yourself!

Came home from work irritated and forgot to finish this post. Now it's tomorrow and I'm over it and playing catch up.

Breakfast:  decaf coffee, sausage muffin
Lunch: Amy's organic tamale, scoop of guacamole
Dinner: homemade black bean & kale soup
Dessert: kids cup of chocolate chip ice cream from Baskin Robbins

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

choices, decisions, belief

This morning the drive through was so crowded I took the side road to the next entrance. BUT there was JITB and I ended up getting my decaf and sandwich anyway. And grilled no less so more calories than god I am sure.

I did win the battle for lunch. I did not drive through BK for fries (next to the FedEx drop off), nor did I go into Target for popcorn. I pulled into  a parking place, didn't even turn the engine off, and backed out to head back to the office. I did see a huge sign for organic corned beef at whole foods so I stopped in there and picked one up for St. Paddy's day. I also picked up some whole wheat Nan, and a basket of strawberries. Still bread which I didn't need, but wholesome food and not crap for lunch. Wait, will the corned beef last a week? Did I buy it too early? Maybe we are celebrating early this year.

A healthy dinner will put me ahead for the day and that is what matters, small choices that wrack up to a day in the black, so to say.

And then it was a horrible drive home; not the traffic, the fighting! It was a battle at every off ramp to stay on the freeway and come home to my bean soup.  But I did it, and is soup is wont to do, it was even better today. So rich and tasty and satisfying. I need to believe these small decisions will add up to create motivation and even will power. I do believe, I do.

Breakfast:  decaf coffee, breakfast sandwich
Lunch: Nan bread, kosher cheese, spicy sprouts, cucumber, avocado sandwich
Snack: med pink lady apple
Dinner: homemade black bean and kale soup with a dollop of sour cream

Monday, March 9, 2015

Back to square one

I was putting dishes away in the kitchen this morning when I realized that
     1. I was not alone and
     2.I needed to leave for work.

So at lunch time I drove over to sprouts to get salad fixings for the week. And my brain went, "really, salad all week?" I stopped in my tracks and reassessed the situation. When I lost weight before it was because I ate in moderation, ate mostly plants, and treated myself to a sandwich once a week on the day I did the grocery shopping. I decided this was a good place to start and set forth to find what I really wanted for lunch. A sandwich. Getting back to the office I prepped the fresh ingredients and have just finished a wonderful treat. In the car I have a large fresh looking bunch of organic kale to use in my veggie bean soup tonight. I feel good, and look forward to getting back to the basics of what has worked for me in the past.

I do need to revise it a little bit, if it had been perfect I wouldn't have strayed back to the dark side. In my defense there was a LOT of emotional stress during the regaining years and I shouldn't beat myself up so much. But stepping into the offense box for a moment, it was a good strategy and I can't keep dipping into the pity pool for excuses. A little bit smaller portions since I am not walking, and adding stretching at home will help. I found my work out Capri's pushed into the back of a drawer while organizing my clothes this weekend so I am ready to change when I get home and get down on the floor. I am.

BUT...instead I made awesome Black Bean and Kale soup. And fresh lemonade. And a big salad. I'll stretch after dinner is through digesting, probably in front of the tv a little bit later.

So, the soup. I started with the onion, cauliflower mix I threw together yesterday. I added a large can of organic black beans (quart?) that I had blended with a quart of veggie stock. To this I added garlic powder, cumin, smoked paprika and oregano. Once the pot had reached a boil I threw in five really large kale leaves that I had destemmed while waiting. Once the 20 minute timer dinged (during which time I made the fresh lemonade) I held the blender by the pot and pulled out all of the wilted kale leaves then blended them into oblivious before adding them back to the pot. I added about a cup of water to the blender and shook it well to get every last bit of green and threw that in the pot as well.

Bringing everything back to the boil, I then turned it down to a simmer and let it steam away uncovered until I liked the consistency, about another 15 minutes. While waiting, I tossed together a chopped salad for R to use for her dinner tonight with enough left over for me tomorrow.

The first spoonful of soup was good, but a little too  spicy so I added a spoonful of organic sour cream and then it was perfecto. With every bite my taste buds liked it more and more and now my bowl is empty. And I am stuffed full of wonderful nutrients. Yay me!

Tonight's agenda, stretching while watching Once Upon A Time.

Breakfast:  decaf coffee, sausage biscuit
Lunch: small kaiser roll, kosher cheese, spicy sprouts, cucumber, avocado sandwich
Snack: med pink lady apple
Dinner: homemade black bean & kale soup

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Meerkat Motto or Climb Every Mountain

Sleeping in on top of daylight savings had me in bed until 9am. Amazing. Perfect for a Sunday.

This morning A was hanging out in my room while the 'rents were getting ready to go out for breakfast. She offered me a sticker and looking around I noticed a long ago posted but sort of ignored clipping on the wall. The Meerkat Motto (I miss that show, Meerkat Manor!). Anyway, I put my chosen sticker on the corner of the paper then shared the motto with A.

Meerkat Motto
Respect the Elders,
Teach the Young,
Cooperate with the Family.
Play when you can,
Work when you should,
Rest In Between.
Share your Affection,
Voice your Feelings,
Leave your Mark.

All of the important benchmarks of being human too, in my humble opinion. I need to work on the 'play when you can' aspect'. She thought it was a little insulting when I explained why she made a good Meerkat. In her defense she is six and it's sometimes hard to spot a compliment.

Last night I went to bed thinking about habits, and my food addiction struggles, and my mental health. Not an exceptionally pleasant set of ruminations but a problem ignored is not one that goes away. Not that I have ignored it, I have 40 years of battling under my belt to no avail. That thought saddens me, not that there has been no miraculous solution as I use to pray for, but that all the effort and thought was apparently  just wasted. Or is my svelte 230 the good news, and without the fight I would be 500lbs? Now to my favorite quote from EPL - "there is no control group for a human life."

Now i'm thinking about breakfast. How sick is that? In my defense it is morning, and my last meal was over 12 hours ago. Let's not be crazy. Let's just make some more eggs and toast! Done.

Climb every Mountain  Earlier this morning before there were plans for them to go out to breakfast, A and I were watching The Pacifier. If you are not familiar with this movie, the son is in a production of the Sound of Music, and after everyone left I was inspired to look up this link, (Acted by Peggy Wood, dubbed by Margery McKay.) Best performance of the song ever. How can anyone ever give up or lose faith after listening to her. Including me. Showered, dressed, and about to go out!

I did pass on Sunday Dinner at a friends, but next time my face will be better and I'll say yes. I accidentally made a delicious dinner for myself at home. Yellow onion sauteed in red palm oil, then diced cauliflower added in equal part, seasoned with magic mushroom mix, dried sage, a little Montreal steak seasoning, and a dash of celery seed. Earlier I had sliced some firm sprouted tofu and had it marinating in soy, catsup, garlic, vinegar and raw honey. I pan seared the sliced, and put one in a bowl and topped it with the onion mixture. Very good and somehow WAY spicy. Remembering some left over white rice in the fridge I added some to my next bowl and it was perfect. So good that I made a final small bowl the same way and savored every bite. There is lots of onion  mixture left over to use as a base for bean soup, I know that will be delicious too.

Breakfast:  whole wheat toast, eggs soft scrambled with mustard
Lunch: two green chili and cheese tamales from TJ's
Dinner: marinated tofu, white rice, onion & cauliflower saute
Dessert: finally really eating the vanilla ice cream I wrote down but didn't actually have the past two days

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Busy day

I am sipping away at a cuppa green tea sweetened with raw Bay Area honey. Listening to The Mortal Instruments book one and playing solitaire I wait for energy and motivation to creep upon each other until they collide and in their synergy I am compelled to act.

I am feeling especially plump this morning, swollen from salting the fries last night, but extra water and moving will take care of that. I will drink until I am forced to consider that I am probably hungry,  I wonder if I have any Shape left in the cupboard...well, that didn't last long. R broke the yolk of an egg she was cooking over easy and all of a sudden a scrambled egg was up for grabs. I threw a slice of whole grain wheat bread in the toaster and minutes later I was indulging in an old favorite; scrambled egg on toast with mustard! Regular yellow  mustard you might find in a squeeze bottle at the local diner or hot dog truck. Spicy, creamy, crunchy - speaking of synergy this is another case of normal ingredients combining to create something special. Yum.

A gift, a cuppa decaf from Mickey D's. Two hours later the living room and hallway have both had a vigorous carpet cleaning - not that it made much of a dent but at least it will feel better for awhile. And it always looks better when it dries. Laundry is almost done for the week, I did the dishes this morning, and I have a short shopping list for an afternoon outing.  Bottom line I have been on my feet almost all day with brief sitting for meals and intend to keep it up for at least a couple more hours.

OMG I ache all over, from just a little added activity. But the carpets are looking better and the laundry is done. I shouldn't have sat down for dinner because as I already said, I ache! I think a couple of tylenol pm are in order and early to bed. Good timing, tomorrow the clock springing forward and all.

Breakfast: green tea
Lunch: chopped salad with 1/4 avocado
Dinner: half a steamed artichoke, bean & cheese burrito with the last 1/4 avocado
Dessert: cheap vanilla ice cream

Friday, March 6, 2015

Honk Honk

The geese outside my office window are raising quite the alarm with all of their honking and flapping as they try to settle on the 2nd story balconies. I know they are considered 'problematic' by the building super, but I do so enjoy the clamor. It reminds me there is an outside world, one with ponds and blue skies and fresh air. And since it is almost Spring, maybe even some small fuzzy goslings. Each year I have been here (3) in the Spring I have seen a few, and it is such a joy watching them waddle after their parents down the middle of the parking lot or lounging out front on the lawn by the water fountain. Love them, can hardly wait for the yearly sighting.

Lunch was so delicious I wolfed it down way too fast, hence the time left over to type. Amy's Organic Enchiladas with half a perfectly ripe avocado; tasty and filling. So delicious, but I am sure full of sodium.  Yep! 880g of sodium in the box, which says it is two servings (2x440) but that must be in another country. I will be swollen when I wake up tomorrow; I'll try pounding down some extra water this afternoon.

Blood test results are in: everything within normal ranges - even my thyroid was just under the top of the normal range. So  much for a miracle cure !  But I know why I'm tired - it's the trade off to limit my back pain. Reminder - lose weight, get off meds, get energy back, move more, then finally no more pain!

Back to taxes and to think about what to make for dinner. I find it helps to have a plan in place before I start my drive past every fast food joint in the world on the way home. Well, at least it seems that way most days.

So tired at the end of the work day I stopped for a second decaf coffee - I haven't done that in more years than I can remember. And here I am just a few hours later and still tired. Fried up some sliced baby potatoes for dinner; yellow, gold, white, purple. Now I am really ready to lay down and watch the pilot of Dig. Like any pilot it will either grab me or not, but I love the idea so I'm game to try.

The weekend looms, and it seems only hours since I was doing chores last weekend. I need to get out of the house. I am too much a recluse which lends to overeating. Oh for the energy to stride out the front door with purpose. I could take something, or brew some real coffee, but I know it will only end badly eventually so why bother.

Weekend goal: eat lots of salad! Set some garbanzo beans to sprout. See a movie. Laugh. Admirable goals, no?

Breakfast: decaff  coffee, sausage biscuit
Lunch: Amy's organic enchiladas, half an avocado
Dinner: home fried baby potatoes
Dessert: it's Friday, I may go out and pick up some ice cream :)

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Get up and move

I have to move when I hear this song - the underlying beat and tone just speaks to my body and brain and I can't sit still. Love it. Does that make me Crazy

And there my good morning ended. I felt witchy for one reason or another for the rest of my work day, and even a most delicious grilled cheese at lunch with my department couldn't entirely lift my cranky pants mood. Parmesan sourdough with cheddar, swiss and pepper jack cheeses; creamy inside, toasty out. Beautifully done and I savored every bite. We will definitely go back.

The garbage cans are ready to go curbside, but A wants to go out in the dark so we are waiting until their dinner is done. Two birds, one stone, and all that.

I don't think I mentioned yesterday that my Thyroid number was off in the blood work done a month or so ago. So that was one of the tests she had ordered yesterday. My roomie at work says to hope I get the magic pill that will fix my thyroid while making forty pounds melt away from my body like magic. I could deal with that, but I would rather just have a healthy least I'm pretty sure that's what I think. Hmmmm...maybe I am just a tad bit more shallow than my first response might have indicated.

Tonights movie pick: Snow White and the Huntsman

Breakfast: decaff  coffee, sausage muffin
Lunch: Grilled Cheese at Fat Maddies Grill
Snack in the car: Pink Lady apple
Dinner: 2 large bowls of left over stoup after adding more mushroom and sun dried tomatoes to change it up

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Ouch etc

Head and ear aches are driving me to the Dr. today. It makes me realize how much I take for granted that I don't usually have headaches anymore. Not since 2004? when I started taking Immune by Orenda. Miraculous stuff.

Four vials of blood later and a diagnoses of stress I am home and resting. I refuse to go into details, I am not THAT old and whiny yet. I know I need to spend time relaxing - not watching tv, but meditating or playing family games, or just being quiet. And spending more time outside. My front windshield is iced over most mornings, and a chill breeze picks up after work. So many excuses. But looking at my fat arms while the nurse tried to find a vein was disturbing. Another sign, another bit of motivation. Whose arms were those anyway? What happened to my strong sailing and archery arms, my toned biceps and small wrists? I keep noticing there is too much of me and I don't like any of it.

I hate being lazy, if I could change one thing it would be to shut down that gene. No, I would wish to have never injured my back; I think that was the beginning of the end, so to say. Part of every day being in pain does take a toll.....AND, here I am whining anyway.

Off to visit the Prince of Persia - sigh.

Once A was back from her T-Ball practice we did her reading and homework together. I am so happy with how fast she has caught on, picking up and sounding out new words like an automatic pistol. She is rocking the whole reading thing, and math too - lots of good genes there from most sides of the family. Please let us keep her safe and happy and grounded and full of self esteem. Please let her love her life from start to finish, just a small heartfelt wish. In fact now that I think about it, THAT would be my one wish.

I walk, I breathe, I fight.

Breakfast: decaff  coffee, cold left over pizza
Snack: Froovie, supergreens blend, about a cup
Late Lunch: Star burger, small fries and a root beer
Dinner: half a steamed artichoke dipped in mayo

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Cake and determination

The house is quiet, A has her first softball game and my face is not up to being seen in public. Canker sores at my age is just ridiculous, but there it is and I would rather hang out here. There will be lots of games this spring & summer that I will want to attend, so no regrets. But weeks of being emotional has finally taken it's toll and as usual it's my face paying the price.

Dinner is in the microwave, cozy stretchy clothes have been donned, and there are a couple of episodes of Mike and Molly to watch. Those are my new guilty pleasure, watching reruns of a series I never watched when new.

I am trying to make sure I at least eat light every evening, loading up on veggies and water and not eating after 7 so I go to bed on an empty stomach. Last night I heard a peanut butter sandwich calling my name around ten but I made the decision to stay in bed and be grateful for other things. I was very glad this morning upon remembering this and plan on repeating this night after night after night. It will make a difference, it's a healthy choice that will add up over time.

Of course, in the kitchen is a chunk of leftover flourless chocolate cake that was part of my 'work' birthday celebration. OMG - like silky light fudge that melts on the tongue. Sigh. But no more for me, I had one piece this afternoon and that will suffice. I am determined.

Breakfast: decaff  coffee, sausage muffin
Lunch:  polish dog from Costco
Dessert: flourless chocolate cake (small piece)
Dinner: 8-veggie mix from TJ's stir fried in red palm oil served over baby potatoes with magic mushroom mix and English peas
Snack: steamed artichoke, half one medium (planned for 7)

Monday, March 2, 2015

Happy Birthday to Me!

I do love that Google does this, who cares if it might be a little big brotherish.

This morning my darling A greeted me with "Happy Birthday, Grama!" When I tried to fill the dog bowls before leaving for work she offered to do it for me, taking the bowls away from me and declaring that, 'you don't have to do chores on your birthday, I'll feed them." Sweetness personified.

A busy day at work, a stop at TJ's for a few things, and then to home driving under darkened skies and scattered rain drops.

I am 60 years old today. What a blessing (obviously my mood has improved) to have lived through what I have and still be able to love and be loved, to be surrounded by family, to have relative health and the chance and ability to take better care of myself to improve it, to have a warm cozy bed and a snuggly dog. Many would envy me my security and independence no matter how fragile I deem it, and I need to remember that.

My birthday dinner was last night, and this evening I threw together 'fast food'. Meaning pre-chopped veggies and baby potatoes and fresh peas that cook quickly. The dark bits are purple potatoes, I wish the colour were better in the picture here, but it's lovely and bright and fresh and very tasty with a pat of butter, magic mushroom mix and fresh ground pepper. Best of all there are another two large servings and only one pan and one dish to wash.

Time to change into something warm and stretchy. Hopefully there is enough time after softball practice to watch Once Upon a Time with the girls.

Is Goooooood. God, now I can't remember what movie that's from.

Breakfast: decaff  coffee, sausage muffin
Lunch:  Bean and pico de gallo burrito
Dinner: 8-veggie mix from TJ's stir fried in red palm oil served over baby potatoes with magic mushroom mix and English peas stirred in

Pre Birthday biking and dining

Back from our first bike ride together, A and I flipped through the California bird book trying to find the duck? heron? goose? that we saw fishing in the pond. I couldn't find anything close. My guess would be a heron, but the bill was wider and neck longer that the typical night heron's we see around here, and shorter than the large white and blue heron's. But no matter what the classification we enjoyed watching them dive until a flock of ducks noticed us and made a beeline across the water in hopes of bread crumbs or worms. We made our getaway, A not wanting to get 'beaked', and by the time we reached home I was tired. Mentally tired from feeling my stomach bump against my thighs as I peddled (ew gross) and physically from the exercise. How can I keep living in this body? Will there ever be a point of determination that lasts for more than a day? But enough grousing - I am so proud of A riding so far and already so confident on her bike with only two wheels. I look forward to many bike rides together this spring.

On a lighter note, I was down .2 lbs on the Wii after not stepping on for over 300 days. 'Apparently' I'm great at maintenance.

R has a dinner planned for me at a friends home tonight to celebrate my birthday which is tomorrow. This is the last day of my life in the 50's. Sort of weird to think about it that way. Heaven knows I don't feel my age, which is totally normal from things I have heard other's say about aging. I just hope I can make up for lost time in my sixth decade; I anticipate a lighter healthier and more active body, I'm just not sure how to make that happen yet. Perseverance? Pushing myself out of the way? Getting out of my head and into the world?

But in the meantime I am enjoying listening to her putter in the kitchen as she layers the lasagna and Alanna updates us as to what all the avatars on the Wii are doing now that we have finished weighing all of the dogs. They have all lost weight and seem healthy. At least someone is!

Dinner was wonderful, R decorated and made it amazing. There was a big blue 60 on the cake. Me? Really?  Now I can't sleep and wonder what the year will bring, what I will make of it. I would rather be sleeping.

Breakfast: decaff  tea, a deviled egg
Brunch: toast with PB
Lunch:  tossed salad, last of the veggie soup
Dinner: homemade lasagna, salad, garlic bread
Dessert: pineapple upside down cake