Saturday, February 14, 2009
I was thinking in the shower this morning, that if indeed we choose our lives, then I must have felt I was ready for the challenges that this one would bring. At some point I must have pointed and thought, "I can do that, I'm ready for this." Sometimes I feel that strength within me, shining out and manifesting as courage. Sometimes I wonder if I have given up too much too often and not fought hard enough. But there are times like this morning when I can look from a distance and critique from a place of calm acceptance that things are as they should be. For whatever reason or lack there of. Times like this I don't need for there to be a 'big plan' or an 'evolving spiritual life' or really to know anything. Just being here is enough, for this one moment before the physical world comes barreling back in, I am all that I should be, or can be, or desire to be. I am calm, satisfied to be breathing, warm from the shower, damp..clean..wholesome. And with the calm is a sense of heaviness, and all of a sudden instead of writing words I want to be curled up with a soft blanket and my dog and reading words written by someone else - words that will take me somewhere wonderful. I have always used books as a buffer between me and the 'world'. Today is no different.