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Friday, May 31, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 19/30

Today I took a second Off Day. Not on purpose, nor planned, it just sort of happened. I was up last night unable to sleep after waking up around midnight, then woke up late this morning and forgot to pack lunch. I did pack my Burn, and fruit to take in the car for my breakfast, but totally forgot to mix up a shake before heading out. I was really not wanting to be at work where there is a small problem with one of the girls, and trying to find my mojo I indulged in a cup of Decaf when someone offered to deliver it. In retrospect I think even that limited amount of extra caffeine was a mistake given my history with the drug.

Then at lunch I needed to pick up some Frontline from Costco to treat all the critters for fleas this weekend, and while there someone stole my phone! Picked it up right out of the cart where I had set it down to search through a tall pile of brightly coloured cloth for some size 6 summer PJ's for A and waiting for R to call me back. What nerve! I headed straight to Verizon around the corner and they blocked it, but then found out the insurance I pay for is only for damage, not loss or theft. Argh! They gave me a loaner, signed me up for insurance, and said don't file a claim for 30 days. Those will end up being some expensive pajamas. Because I did go back to Costco afterwards and get the PJ's, plus the flea stuff, black peppercorns and a few other items. I figured a little retail therapy would help. But when checking out I ordered ... a slice of pizza? Huh? What the ... heck? (Oh, and I had forgotten to take my midday Burn before leaving the office.)

I wolfed down the pizza on my way back to work around 2pm; irritated, hungry, ready for the day to be over I relished the fat and spice of every bite. My Bad. And I wasn't done. I had a Pink Apple lady on the way home, and then we took A swimming at the pool. Homemade bean soup for dinner once we were back home around 8 along with the last two chugs of Zin straight out of the bottle. Who is this crazy person? Last but not least I snagged the last cup of M's cocoa pebbles and dumped in some milk, which I haven't had in more years than I can remember, and finished those off.

I think I am done. This is the closest I have been to a binge in a long time. I don't even feel like it was me this afternoon - those hours are a blurry haze of emotion and confusion and just plain disconnect that belonged to someone else. Crazy. And all day long, all I wanted to do was to call H and see how his day was going. He is up in Nevada City, at one of my favorite archery ranges, and I am not with him. Double Argh! Why on earth do I want so badly to hear his voice. Splitting up was the right thing to do. It was.

I think part of the days 'relapse' was seeing the ten pounds lost. For some reason (I don't need to spend a zillion dollars to find out why, I pretty much know) every time I start to really feel thinner I sabotage myself. As if I am scared to look great, because god knows I don't want to draw unwanted attention to myself. I thought I was over that, but it's the only thing I can think of that would warrant the reaction I had today. And if you have seen the list of what I ate on my real Off Day it's obvious this all started yesterday. I think the stresses at work & then the whole phone debacle just pushed me over an emotional edge I didn't realize I had been precariously balanced on for some time now.

The good news is that tomorrow is Saturday so I can take the time I need to get both reorganized and re-acquainted with myself. So back on plan first thing - two Burn days this weekend - and stay busy and burn calories. I have great incentive to get things done around the house; a co worker is bringing her mini pinscher over Sunday afternoon to see if she (the dog) gets along with Kaylee & the Puggles. If they all seem to do well together I will be dog sitting for a week while she (the co-worker) goes to Costa Rica. I want to finish getting up the foxtails from the back yard and get some flowers planted out front before they arrive. And it will be back up into the 90's tomorrow! So I need to get out there early to work before it heats up and then back out again in the evening once it begins cooling down.

So I will forgive myself the crazy day, eat well and take my CBS products all weekend, and stay busy on my feet as much as possible. That's the plan.

Maybe if I say it one more time it will cement it in my psyche - Eat plants, use the Burn & Shape, and move move move! Three's the Charm.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 18/30 continued

So maybe I went a little nuts on my Off Day:

Breakfast: Sausage Muffin, decaf coffee w\ cream & sugar (yea, it was Mickey D's)
Lunch: Cheese sandwich on a sourdough roll with lettuce & tomato (Rolls Deli)
Dinner: Buckwheat crepe with tomatoes, bacon & cheese, sr cream & green onion
Dessert: Olallieberry & Strawberry pie

Dinner and Dessert were from the Farmers Market. And my 1/8 share of the six inch pie was about 4 small bites.  I never stuffed myself, took my Burn all 3x and drank my water. I had peppers to snack on at work, walked at the farmers market and came home with some stone fruit, lemon verbena soap, a bag of big juicy blackberries and another one of baby salad greens.

It was a beautiful evening, and A only fell once and came home with a very cute balloon mouse. And after purchasing the pie I turned a blind eye to all of the other bakery stands that peppered the square around Carnegie Park. Nor did I pick up a bag of freshly popped kettle corn (yes there really is a kettle) despite A's tears pleading to the contrary (I am so mean.)

As usual at the end of an Off Day I am ready to get back on plan and anxious to see more results. My body has once again been given the affirmation that I have no intention of starving it, so I'm thinking it will let go of another few pounds without much of a fight.

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm looking forward to a warm weekend; cool mornings of puttering in the yard and sizzling afternoons spent sorting through the rest of my room while the air keeps the house cool. I'm also looking forward to the berries, plums and peaches available now at the house for breakfasts!

Thirteen more days till my weigh in. I would love to lose five more pounds in that time, and I'm donning my mental boxing gloves and going in swinging come the morning.

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 18/30



There is something bothering me at home that I just can't write about, but the stress is building and the old hand to mouth response was a little overwhelming last night. After my early dinner I was ready to eat again around 7, not surprising since I had missed my 2nd and 3rd Burns yesterday. What a difference. First I had an avocado (thinking a healthy fat would keep me out of the freezer), then a banana with some sunflower seed butter on it(thinking if I were really full I could stay out of the freezer). And finally the coup de grace - a dark chocolate and mint ice cream that the kids had smuggled into the freezer. Maybe I would have been fine it R hadn't told me there was ice cream in the house, maybe not. But it happened.

So the comeback plan is to count last night as an early start to my day off, and I'll be back on plan for dinner tonight. And I will follow the above Every Day guidelines. I think Every Day means exactly that, everyday, and these are just healthy eating guidelines with the burn thrown in anyway. I think I made a mistake skipping these my last days off.

Even after my high calorie splurge last night I am down an even ten pounds this morning, down .8 from yesterday.This loss has been in the last 28 days, less than a month. I remember when I would have been happy to be down 2 pounds in a month! The best part is watching my stomach shrink. This has been a relatively new addition to my frame, gaining weight there, and I am glad glad glad to see it going going going! 28 days - just over a quarter of the 100 days are gone! If I lose 30 pounds during this plan I would be ecstatic! I hadn't thought that far ahead yet....but I am now. Wow...what if.

So I will take it easy today, and I won't go nuts. I'm sure there will be some toasted sourdough in there or maybe some pasta, and perhaps even some cheese. But they will be counted in servings, not binges, and my Burn is already packed in my lunch bag - no more forgetting! Today will be a good day, I can just feel it.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape:17/30 continued

I panicked just a bit when realizing I had left my Burn at home today. Around 2:30 I had a half decaf half hot water for a small boost; I know it was just a little caffeine without the benefits of the Burn, but I was using it as an excuse to splurge.

Another drive home from work and another small battle won. This time as I was walking through the courtyard outside my office on the way to the car and began the litany of what I wasn't going to do I did an about face. I thought, this is the time to just decide I am getting home safe to make something healthy, before I ever get in the car. So I did.

Now I am sitting replete, filled up on a wonderful concoction of salad and beans. 

Preface: I had made bean soup last weekend, and as usual saved part of the batch to blend up into refried beans. All that means is that after blending the beans I set them over a low heat to stir occasionally until enough moisture had evaporated and the remaining consistency was a thick, rich, concentrated deliciousness.

Dinner: First I made a dressing with some of the leftover juice from a can of black olives, and blended it with a splash of red wine vinegar and another of leftover oil from a jar of marinated artichoke hearts, a handful of roasted pepitas, and a few big spoonfuls of silken tofu. It was missing something so I added in a few shakes of Mrs. Dash - chipotle lime or something - and took it for another spin. Yum! Now I'm thinking Taco Salad and added chopped tomatoes and red onion to the salad, and added about half a cup of my aforementioned bean mixture to blend with the dressing and heat in the microwave. Poured over my salad it was a hot mess, but very good and filling. I have now discovered a healthy bean dip and will keep this recipe to make another day when roasted corn tortillas can be on the menu.

Take that all you crappy drive through temptations!

There is something to be said for having ingredients on hand to work when you want to eat and it needs to be now and you won't settle for a drive through option. We deserve better, we deserve nutrition, be it fast or slow in coming.

Now to the yard to get in some more steps - I had two walks today, one short one 30 minutes - but I still want to keep busy and I still want a pretty back yard.

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 17/30

Another day another pound gone; it feels great in a peaceful sort of way. As though I am coming home to where I should be and leaving fragments of unwanted baggage on they wayside. Mentally and physically. Each small battle I win imbues me with a little bit more strength and determination.

That being said I am once again making lists of possible meals for my next day off this coming Thursday. I thought briefly about getting back on the original schedule, but that would put my Off day on Saturday, and I still feel it would be more prudent to stick with a work day. I am not sure my gains in mental strength are ready for a whole day off plan and work at the same time! And my list contains the usual suspects - refined carbs & dairy! Grilled cheese, tacos, Mac & Cheese, enchiladas; all of these have crossed my mind. R is doing Paleo and I suggested she take the same day off as me so we can make something yummy to share. I'm hoping whatever we decide we can also make it nutritious. Cauliflower in the Mac & Cheese, beans in the tacos, spinach in the enchiladas, roasted veggies in the grilled cheese - you get the idea. Now that I think of it I'm pretty sure lunch that day will be with my co-worker at the local Diner; roasted veggies on toasted sourdough with feta - best sandwich ever!

Maybe just having some 'ancient grain' bread & butter with my bean soup for dinner would be the best splurge. Guess I'll just have to wait for Thursday and see what sounds best to us both. I know I should have something non-food related to look forward to, but it is what it is right now. Which makes me realize I need to change that; It is what I want it to be! I need to plan for something to celebrate in a non-food related way. Maybe carting my bike over to the road by the winery for a beautiful ride, or drive myself over for a hike up on Mt. Diablo - things I have wanted to do for a while but never follow through because...I'm lazy? Don't want to do them alone? Both bad excuses, and I need to kick them to the curb.

Maybe it's time to do some volunteer work - it would be good to get back to Open Heart and put some hours in - I wonder if they have started the food drive for the Holiday's yet. Hmmm. Food for thought. For a change.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 16/30

It's a Clean Day

Both previous Clean days were travel days, so this will be my first time taking my midday serving at work. I'm really enjoying the minimal cooking I'm having to do on the program.

The work week is beginning well, with loose jeans, another new low number on the scale, and an easy lunch to pack. But gotta run, commute traffic calls! Thank heavens for audio books or that would be unbearable.

Sometimes for an addict it's not one day at a time, or even an hour, it's a moment to moment deal and I found my self-talk going something like this on the way home from work today. 'Remember how great it feels to wake up in the morning knowing you have nothing to be ashamed of from the day before. Remember the feeling of anticipation just before you get on the scale and see a lower number. Remember, remember remember all you have to do is get past the next exit and continue on home where you can make a filling chocolate shake for dinner.'

I stopped for groceries on the way to work this morning for berries, small sweet peppers and pink lady apples. And two large carrots. The berries were for breakfast, the carrots and peppers were lunch, and one apple for the ride home. I was full, I wasn't hungry, and all I could think of was what I could stop and get before arriving home. I had to tell myself that no amount of stress could justify junk food, that this was my time, and my program, and I was going to follow it. And I arrived home safely, and the urge to eat is gone.

It's my own fault. While driving all over the Bay Area as a project manager for a year and a half I would defray the stress by eating in the car, and my brain now goes there of it's own accord sometimes. I wish I could snap that mental\emotional link more easily, but at least I know I can power through and have my way. MY way, not the way of that persistent little devil who tries to woo me from my shoulder.  I envision my thumb smashing him down to insignificance, and me standing victorious.

I am too old for this shit. Eating & weight should not be such a challenge by this point. What a way to spend a life. Time to change my clothes and feed the dogs and head outside for some sun therapy! Which reminds me, I walked at lunch and have two cute pinecones to add to the basket. Come the holidays I will drizzle cinnamon oil over them all and bring them inside. There, a good note to end my ranting!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 15/30

Here are my unofficial measurements at day 25 of the 100 day CleanBurnShape program. My chart is more extensive than the official Orenda one, but I love noting all the changes!

Down 8#'s and over 10 inches. While I know other's are losing more quickly, I have always lost inches before pounds, probably because of my high muscle mass. But I am very excited about thinner arms & legs since Summer, Capri's & tank tops are upon us.

Not that you would know it by today where there is a forecast of rain and highs in the 70's. But the cooler weather is a blessing; I love spring and hate it when we go straight from winter to summer without the mild spring in between that is so conducive to working outside. Speaking of which, after working around the roses yesterday I came in for dinner. Which happened to be a shake since my SIL was sleeping when I went in to make the shake for lunch. So I opted for a salad at lunch instead of powering up the blender and just switched out my lunch and dinner for the day. Anyway, I was sitting on the chaise in the back yard and about half way through my shake (watermelon, spinach, Shape) when realized that I would rather be mowing the lawn. (Yes I remembered my 3rd Burn yesterday!) So A supervised while I picked up dog messes and then mowed down the foxtails that are overtaking the grass. We are going to let most of the lawn go, put in some sand paths and drought resistant perennials and some raised bed garden planters instead. But that project is definitely on the list AFTER the garage. Then a little later after I had cooled down and the family was having their dinner I finished up the shake which I had deposited in the fridge while mowing.

So I kept busy yesterday as intended (that particular path was not leading to hell) and today will be more of the same. Although if the rain appears as forecasted I may be working on my room instead of in the yard. Still, being on my feet and active and not being a couch potato is feeling pretty good. I can hardly wait to get my taxes done so I can convert my desk back to a standing station so I am not sitting down to blog.

I am going to be focusing the next two weeks on something I read on Friday while reading up on green coffee bean extract. Several articles mentioned taking it half an hour before a meal with a large glass of water. And that seemed to work really well for me yesterday. So I'm going to make taking my Burn that way a priority as I head into the rest of this first 30 days.

And right now I need to grab a sweater and go out front and gloat over our new beautiful brick patio. It's going to be fun socializing with the neighbors this summer on our new common ground. (Have I mentioned that one of them is also my massage therapist?)

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 14/30

Man makes plans so God can laugh.

This is the weekend the new brick patio is being laid between our driveway and our neighbors.  We each have a long driveway leading up to our respective garages, and a strip of about four feet that runs between them. Originally filled with variegated gravel and tan bark, eventually both weathered away and many years ago sod was laid. We won't talk about the trees, they are done. The newest neighbors realized that if we bricked in the top part we would each be able to park cars side by side at the top of the driveway and step out onto a dry solid surface instead of wet soggy grass. So the project was developed. 

I knew because of my back I wouldn't be able to help, so I purchased the bricks with the idea that he would do most of the labour. Which he is, bless his heart. But being the little worker bee that I am I have to help - and my back is pinching something fierce. I will say it was fun when at twilight there were five of us working as a team to beat the dark, and all the bricks were laid and ready for the tampering and sand this morning.

So that is all that is going to be getting done this weekend. Bricks. And eating right. Mostly. Because while it is only noon and I am taking a break to jot this down, I can aleady hear a glass of wine calling me. And an ice pack. And then the hot tub. And a couple of  Tylenol PM and an early bedtime.

At least I am up and burning fat - speaking of which I need my midday Burn, then back to the red dust and sand that will later today be a brick patio.

I'm almost halfway through the first 30 day trek of the CBS plan and I can honestly say I feel better overall;  more energy, looser clothes, and eating more plants each day than I have for the past six months. All good things on the road to better health.

Yay, we're done! And R reminded me my back felt better when we were doing all the moving, so I went ahead and dug up around the roses so I could deep water them and feed them. And she was right, doing the bigger muscle movements took the kink out of my back. Maybe now I can skip the wine tonight. 

I can see the chairs and drinks now on this beautiful little patio come warm summer twilights. C (big strong neighbor guy) did most of the work and is out there power washing as I type, but I feel good about the work I did helping. A day well spent!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 13/30

Note to self: This is a Burn Day because you switched your Off Day to Thursday :)

64oz WATER

I picked up some luscious green grapes while grocery shopping with A yesterday, so breakfast is easy. There is organic baby spinach in the fridge to blend up with my Shape shake for lunch and some strawberries to throw in for a little decadence, and by dinner I will have the bean soup all ready for my lean protein. The soup will also be full of kale, peppers, tomatoes, onions and jalapeno so there are some cooked veggies for the day too.

Exercise will be working in the back yard and housework. I know I have to sit down and work on my taxes at some point but it looks to be too beautiful a day for that, so I'll play it by ear - those might have to wait for Sunday as I am anxious to be up on my feet today. I think maybe that was the hardest part of working last week - being stuck in my chair. I want to be up and moving around!

I have 'known' for the past ten years that Orenda was going to be my retirement career, perhaps I need to 'retire' from my J.O.B. a little sooner than planned!

How wonderful to be looking forward to a productive day; thank heaven for Saturdays!

Friday, May 24, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 12/30

It's Friday, the beginning of a long weekend, and I just can't feel guilty about the glass of Zin that is my keyboard companion at the moment. It's rich and jammy and smooth with a tart finish...a delicious way to finish the week, and I am definitely celebrating that this week is over! While I didn't come home from vacation exhausted, it was hard being back at work and the mental exhaustion was challenging.

Yesterday was fun, for my Off Day we went to iHop for dinner and I had two eggs over easy, buttery crisp sourdough toast and two luscious strips of bacon. I saved the hashbrowns for last and after two bites put down my fork and called it a day. I was stuffed. This morning I was anxious to get back on plan, and packed up fruit and veggies to eat at work. R is currently in the kitchen getting ready to roast veggies for dinner, and while they have chicken with theirs I'll have beans for my lean protein.

I must confess I came home starving. I had skipped my afternoon Burn on purpose because I was to stop by Kaiser and have my blood pressure tested, but after waiting 20 minutes I told them I had to get home. By the time I arrived here I was all of a sudden starving and smashed up a ripe avocado and grabbed some left overs from A's nachos the other night and did something I haven't done in quite a while - stood in the kitchen eating!

I feel so great when I use the products right, I am determined that this is the last day of screwing up. I will take better care of myself and put my needs first. I will. I wonder why that is so hard sometimes when the rewards are so great.

Anyway, I have a date in the hot tub with a four year old later this evening to finish off the week on a high note, and then a long honey-do list to take care of over the long weekend- taxes being first on the list! Then my room needs some dire attention. I have a new Nevada Barr book on my shuffle to keep me motivated and plan to spend most of the weekend on my feet. And maybe a bike ride since the weather has cooled off and it looks like 70's instead of 90's. 

I stopped for groceries on the way home and will roast off some veggies for salsa to add to my bean soup. I hope it comes out as delicious as the ones I made at Mom's last week. This is an old habit now, making a big pot of veggie bean soup over the weekend, and now I will have a lean protein ready for dinners all next week.

I am so enjoying the way this wine is tasting better with every mouthful. I had better go cork the bottle now so that I am not tempted to have a second glass. It's a Lodi Zin from H and I can't help but wish he were the one here to share the wine with... and the hot tub; after being apart for almost two months certainly we would find something to ... talk about. And I shouldn't be drinking. 

Change your thoughts and change your life.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 11/30

Yesterday went well up until about 9pm. I wasn't the only one home late from work and it was 7:30 before I made a shake for dinner; having had left over veggies for lunch and raw veggies to snack on about 3 I wasn't really hungry until then anyway. Everything was fine until the SIL brought dinner home for the girls and A was having 'chip tacos', better known to the world as Nachos. OMG. Right there next to me on the couch. And the darling girl wanted to share. One chip led to about ten - right before bedtime too - but this morning I am telling myself I just started my 'Off' day a little early. My instructions for today are to just not go crazy. As usual my intentions are good.

I've been thinking about making a top five list of favorite foods I would like to splurge on so I am ready to have a mostly healthy day with one meal something I would really love to have but normally wouldn't. And while I haven't actually made the list I think it comes down to buttered toast and eggs over easy, and we are planning a trip to iHop for dinner tonight. That way I can have my sourdough without bringing a loaf of bread into the house. Another of Dr. Fuhrman's guidelines that has helped me is to splurge away from home and keep it clean here.

Although, after being awake since 3 something this morning, driving through for a small decaf sounds really good about now. But that might lead to a sausage muffin and I really don't want to go there. I'm thinking I should just take my Burn a little early so that this particular urge goes away before I leave for work. Sigh, but it is my day off...I don't think I am suppose to take any Burn today. I'll have to confirm that. There are worse things to splurge on than coffee....oh what a slippery slope this could be!

I will focus on how I want to feel tomorrow morning, and what I will be able to write about it here. The walk of shame is not a very appealing picture, I would rather show up in the morning with bragging rights; a feeling of accomplishment to crow about. 

Positive thoughts create positive energy and many good things can and will flow from that simple and powerful idea. I am what I think, and I am thinking that my true healthy athletic self is emerging and I can hardly wait to greet her.

Update: Upon reviewing my schedule I don't have a day off until day 13! God it's hard being me sometimes. All in all I think it would be more prudent to have my day off on a work day anyway, Saturday just sounds too dangerous. I think I will stick to the original plan and keep this my Off day. It's all good.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 10/30

Yesterday I battled my little shoulder demon all the way home from work. I had to convince myself all over again at every freeway exit that I was not getting off, that I was going home to eat something healthy, that I did not want fries or tacos or a two point ice cream cone. And finally I really focused on the imagery of the battle, and the heroine, and I dressed the angel on my shoulder in bike shorts and a tank top, with arms up in a show of strength showing off beautifully curved biceps raised in victory and trim hips standing firm  with resolve. 'We are not getting off this freeway. We only need to make it past one exit at a time until we are safe at home!" she cried. The little devil on my other shoulder shrank into a small defeated bundle of red cape and hid, her voice quieted.

As planned I drank my 2 cups of Clean on my way to work in the morning with my 1st Burn and vitamins,  downed another 40oz of water, took my midday Burn around 11am and crunched my way through a quart baggie of sweet little peppers, cauliflower florets, and carrots. Around 2pm I started on the next 2 cups of Clean and remembered my afternoon Burn with my last 20oz bottle of water as I headed home at 4pm apple in hand. 

Once safely home I headed straight to the kitchen where my lit upon a very small and perfectly ripe avocado; sliced in half with a little sea salt I savoured every bite until all that was left were two skin boats gracing the top of the green waste bowl. YUM. Next I cleaned and set some green beans to steaming, and started some onions sauteing in a little coconut oil. I sliced up three little yellow patty pan squashes and once the onions and beans were ready I tossed them all together and threw a top on the pan to let them steam. While waiting I cleaned and stemmed a bunch of small carrots, rinsing the tops and rough chopping them. The carrots went into some ice water in the fridge and the tops went into the NutriBullet, followed by unsweetened almond milk, four bright strawberries, one small orange and a scoop of Shape.

Then everything went on hold as the call came in to walk over and pick up A from daycare. This was my second short walk of the day, I had also enjoyed a small outing on foot to the bank at lunch. (I had to, it was gorgeous walking weather out.) Once back home I had a small bowl of the veggies while we fed the dogs - we still have to supervise the newly formed pack in case someone is tempted to dip their nose into a bowl not their own - and then relaxed on the couch with my newly blended Shape shake to visit with A and find out how her day went.  I watched a movie once where the grandpa would say, 'tell me all about it'. I loved that and find myself saying it to A almost daily.

As bedtime arrived A wanted a snack and we sat taking turns dipping our hands into a bag of raw almonds she had purloined from the fridge, crunching on one at a time. I have found that when eaten slowly it doesn't take many nuts to satisfy the appetite.

I know why I had to battle so hard driving home, it was that damned hot dog yesterday. I am not sure if it was the glutamates, or the primal urge to down a high calorie meal that was trying to draw me off the freeway, but I am so thankful this morning that I was able to resist, and I will remember the power it gave me to personify my little shoulder angel. Which makes sense - what you dwell on expands! I think it's called the law of concentration; Maya Angelou once said she would never attend an anti war rally, but she would be glad to give her energies to a Peace rally. So I am going to focus on the positive, focus on the power of intention, and keep in motion a positive cycle. It must be like the saying, a body in motion stays in motion - I want my positive intent to stay in motion so I will spend more time focusing on all of the positives. 

The next time temptation raises it's ugly head I will be ready with my sword of muchness! Thank you Alice for that visualization; I am ready to slay dragons this morning!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 9/30

Sneak peek: down two more pounds, but again the real story is in the inches. Besides the recommended hot spots for measuring, I also have a chart that includes arms and legs and mine are all smaller around - and we're talking inches! After a morning glance in the mirror I had to check because I look smaller! I think the shake is aptly named, for my shape is definitely changing for the better. I may even wear a sleeveless top to work today!

God I love shrinking. Less is definitely better, at least in my particular case.

It was wonderful to get home and find that unconditional love was waiting for me, A and Kaylee came through with flying colours showering me with hugs and kisses. The kids had done some more clearing out and rearranging and it was nice to walk into a living room devoid of boxes and a cleared off dining room table. While at Mom's I played Bananagrams solitaire each day - it's a great way to soothe the savage mind - and now I can once again play at home too. It will be a little more challenging with a four year old determined to help but I will make it work, and we can practice her letters at the same time.

I know I will miss the quiet I found at Mom's, and it was a wonderful getaway, I never thought about work or crunching numbers, but the activity here is good in it's own way, and I will make sure to find some quiet time amidst all the chaos that comes naturally when living with a young family. I think I will try riding my bike this evening and see how that is on my back.

Yesterday's cleanse did not go as expected. I somehow found a chili dog in my hand after stopping halfway home for other urgent matters. I know it's not the end of the world, and I thought about switching days and counting it as my 'OFF' day, but instead I am going to do a 2nd cleanse day - a real one this time - and just move forward. It's not a horrible thing being human, you just need to work with it!

So it's back to office today, and it will be good to see my extended family. I will need to be careful about getting in some standing time, maybe a walk at lunch. I think that will be what I miss most about vacation - being able to putter in Mom's yard on and off all day was not only fun and relaxing, but it kept me up and moving as opposed to sitting at a desk on and off for 8 hours.

For my real 'OFF' day on Thursday I am going to plan a healthy menu with a little decadence thrown in. I have a couple of days to think about what would really satisfy me mind and body and not surprisingly a flour tortilla keeps jumping to the top of the short list :)

Time to get this smaller, healthier, tanned version of me ready for the J.O.B.

Life is good.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 8/30

Today is both a Clean day and a travel day; I'm heading home later this morning. I'll drink my first 16oz Clean as I pack and strip the bed etc., and I'll have the second one ready in the cooler to drink four hours down the road. I made a thermos of ginger water last night and will use that to flavour my other two 20oz bottles of water to drink during the rest of the drive. I have broccoli and cauliflower florets already bagged and ready to pack in the cooler in case I get hungry or feel like eating along the way, and my iPod shuffle is charging so I can listen to my book as I drive.

Making a Shape shake will be an easy peasy way to fix dinner once I reach home. Okay,not to toot my own funny bone but that expression takes on new meaning since the shake is based on Pea Protein, Ha!

I spent yesterday finishing up the pruning on the rose bushes in back, and replacing a couple of sections of soaker hose in Mom's irrigation nightmare out there. This meant a trip to Home Depot, but the weather had turned hot and a ride in the air conditioning felt good. I had a few challenging moments as we passed the Nathan's hot dog cart out front - god that smelled good - but we did NOT succumb and last night I made another chopped salad full of crunchy veggies and I used the last of the tofu ranch dressing I had carted down with me. For my lean protein I had a bowl of the bean soup I made earlier in the week; I can sure make good soup! But not having had my salt free seasonings with me I used the Montreal Steak Seasoning Mom had in the cupboard and as delicious as that is in soup my hands are swollen this morning.

It felt good to stroll around the patio after everything cooled off and take stock of what I have accomplished down here this week. It feels good to do something to help since I only make it down once a year or so. Which is also good because we do tend to make each other a little crazy; it appears we are both determined to be right most of the time!

I'm looking forward to getting home to my little granddaughter and my even littler dog, but I must say it has been a wonderfully quiet get away for me. I am a quiet creature by nature and the tumult of the last couple of months has been wearying. I will miss the beautiful cool mornings down here, and the large breezy patio where I have spent much of my time. It has given me new ideas on what I want to do with my own back yard, and I am anxious to be home so I can get started.

One last note on the CleanBurnShape, it was so easy to stay on program while away from home, and while I never felt wired or couldn't sleep, the Burn kept me active and off the couch. Mom commented a couple of times that I never just sat, that she guessed I didn't know how to just sit and do nothing after working my whole life. (This from the woman who has never had a J.O.B. in her life.) But she was never there to see me getting home from work and crashing on the couch to watch TV for hours on end while snacking myself to death. I think that thanks to Orenda, that particular pity party may be over.

The day is calling me..back North I go!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 7/30

Yesterday was spectacular. Warm, breezy in the afternoon, and filled with moments of grace. For the first time in seven years I was able to set about a task without the ear buds in and a story going. I had driven to and from work this way one day a week or so ago, but yesterday was different. I was in the middle of rinsing off a tray of beautiful rocks collected by my grandfather, enjoying the sun and the water running over my hands, when I realized I was listening to the birds. The obnoxious cawing of big crows or ravens to be sure, but the point was my shuffle was sitting inside on my nightstand instead of being clipped about my body somewhere. It has been such a permanent fixture, and I hadn't even thought of attaching it to my suit when I changed to come out to the patio to work. I've been trying to get out in the sun an hour or so each day to get some colour back and cover up my office pallor. The freedom I felt in that moment of realization was so powerful; I sat there feeling full of grace and release. For that moment everything was okay, even Joey being gone, and I luxuriated in it.  There I was, handling the rocks my grandfather had collected, thinking about my little boy who was never happier than when he was sitting in a sunny patch digging in the dirt, and I was just me again - a girl in her swimsuit sitting in the sun washing off rocks.

Growing up summers at Lake Arrowhead I would be the last one up from the beach at the end of the day; laying in the shallow water and picking through all the small pebbles at the shoreline that had been rubbed smooth by the constant polishing of the waves rolling over them. Seeking out the fools gold and sparkly quartz by the dock is a moment of happiness I have returned to often in my life. In the blink of an eye I can travel back 50 years and feel that moment as if it were yesterday; the warm water lapping along the length of my body, the coolness of the air on my face and shoulders, the coloured rocks brushing against my fingertips as I search for the perfect one to take up to the house. And then my Mom yelling down the path from the house perched on the hill above, "Anne Vail, come up to dinner" ..."right now please."  I made a new memory yesterday, and will long remember this new combination of sun, water and rocks. But the trigger to remembering all of that will be the feeling that came with it, the release from constant worry and the peace that flowed through me, and the knowledge that I really was okay, and going to be okay.

Mom and I shared a wonderful chopped salad full of yellow patty pan squash, sunflower sprouts, weeds, avocado, white carrot, radishes, celery and sliced up red, orange and yellow peppers out on the patio and admired all the work we (I) have accomplished this past week. It was still warm, with a lovely breeze, and the perfect day to sit and enjoy our dinner outside. We puttered a little more fussing at details and planning what might be my final project before leaving for Home on Monday, then headed inside to our various pursuits. Watermelon for dessert at 7 and then to bed at 9 to read a little. (She has the Nevada Barr collection and I have never read the first one in the series, another treat!)

Program update: I actually remembered to take all three Burn capsules yesterday, and it did remove the desire to snack last night as I suspected it would. I also have to give it credit for the post dinner puttering, the evening shower, and being able to read in bed for an hour. I never felt jittery or anxious, I just had the energy to keep getting things done.  Wonderful!

I have one more Burn day then a Clean day to drive back up North. And even though I don't intend to weigh in until day 41, I know I won't be able to resist an unofficial peek at the scale Tuesday morning. Even Mom has noticed that there is less of me than when I arrived! I already have my snacking veggies ready for the drive home, and yesterday I picked up apricots to have for breakfast - the first of the season! And they are calling me from the kitchen, so I am off to enjoy breakfast on the patio!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 6/30

Last night Mom and I shared a perfectly ripe avocado, each sprinkling our half with a little salt, as we sat watching TV. I have been sticking to the 'no food three hours before bedtime' rule and given my usual bedtime of 9pm I probably shouldn't have been snacking at 7, but as it turned out I was up until ten. I'm still not sure if I should even be eating avocados yet, probably not strictly speaking. And apparently food is still my go to for comfort. (It sucks not having a cuddle-bug with me on my trip.) So I will focus on the positives; I went to bed on an empty stomach so my Immune system had free reign to work on whatever needed attention during the night when our systems are down for maintenance, the late snack was a healthy fat, and I made it through another day without anything, boxed, canned or purchased at a drive through window.

The back patio here at Mom's is looking spiffy. D & I worked together on Wednesday potting and arranging the impatiens, Thursday I hosed off rock collections and cleared away all the yellow dead leaves spilling out of most of the potted plants (working on the garlic was best - beautiful purple flower and a lovely fresh smell), and yesterday I emptied out a hundred (okay, it may be that I'm exaggerating - a little) plastic containers in varying sizes that once housed new plants but were now full of dead pine needles that had been collecting for years on end. So one more corner cleaned out. Today I have two more rock collections to rinse off, a fern to trim, and a rose bush to dead head. It's great to have something to keep me on my feet, and using the natural motions of healthy exercise (walking, reaching & squatting) to occupy my time each day. 

This is also motivating me to start working on my own back yard. I've been avoiding that for a long time, there were just too many painful memories back there. But I think I have grown past that, and have been remembering more with less pain, and with the kids there now it's definitely time. And A needs a fun safe place to play!

Today is another Burn day. I think the only place I'm falling short is remembering to take my 3 Burns each day. When I'm at work I have a set schedule, taking my midday Burn at 11:30 just before lunch and my 3rd of the day at 4:00 when I am leaving to drive home. But here I lose track of time, and either forget the 2nd or 3rd Burn. I imagine if I had remembered yesterday to take all three I wouldn't have been wanting that 7pm snack so I am determined to figure out how to set reminders on my phone so I remember all three today. Morning is easy, as it is in with my vitamins and I never forget my All In One! It's just the other two that need my attention.

Speaking of other Orenda products, I wish Mom would start taking them. She has aged so much recently and I can't help but think how different her life would be right now had she not put up such a big stubborn wall when I started ten years ago. But I tried talking to her about it again the other day and the wall is not only still there but thicker than ever. I look at how other's Mothers are doing on product and it makes me jealous and sad all at the same time.  Let it go Vail, just let it go.

Time to go feed my new friend the blue jay, and sit with tea on the patio to greet the day.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 5/30

I'm not sure if I can trust Mom's scale, but from when I first weighed on it I'm down another 3#'s. I've been keeping busy and trying to stay on my feet as much as possible, drinking 60oz of water a day (usually flavoured with ginger), and eating plants.

I did find my thoughts straying to food a little bit yesterday. While at the store I had to talk myself out of a bakery roll, and then had to consciously divert my thoughts from looking for something else, anything else, to curb the craving to 'cheat'. I even began a mental list of those things I would eat once my 100 days were up and then cut myself short. Of course I will want to eat something I have deprived myself of during this program, but I can cross that bridge when I come to it. For now my thoughts are about how I want to feel in my clothes, actually about what I want to feel about living in my own skin for heaven's sake. Wouldn't pride be better than despair? Confidence better than hiding away? I want to feel like me, the me I was when I could water ski  and go dancing, and sit comfortable in non-stretch jeans all day and not have to change into sweats to be comfortable upon reaching home after work. I want to be able to go hiking with my bow and know I'm not going to fall over from a stroke or heart attack!

I want to discover see what a young, healthy and vibrant 58 I am under this layer of protection I've built up over the years. And very most of all I want to be the Grama A can be proud of when we go to recitals, and social events, and graduations, and family pictures. I want to be there for all of those things, and that is so much more important than a crummy bakery roll.

Back to the present! My bean soup made a delicious dinner last night, along with a small salad of that green mix that looks like it's full of weeds with some vegan ranch and a serving of sunflower seeds. (OMG - just back from shooing off a cat that the blue jay out back was yelling at - sqwak sqwak sqwak! There must be a nest given the low flyover he\she gave me out there yesterday and it is on our agenda to go buy peanuts today.) Back to the soup, I chopped up a whole head of kale to wilt into the pots once they were ready. Pots plural because Mom doesn't cook anymore and has given away off of her big pots and even the sauce pans! I had to use two saute pans and it was quite the shuffling act but I got it done. Yay me, now there are five containers of soup in her freezer for her to have later when I am gone; I worry about her nutrition, but gave up years ago making suggestions. Who wants to listen to the fat lady? So adding 'setting a good example for my Mom' to my list of motivations above. And my daughter - she is following the current Paleo craze right now, which has it's merits just as all the high protein diets do, but bottom line there are thousands (per Dr. Fuhrman) of studies now linking high protein with disease (cancers and heart) and I need to steer her towards a more moderate protein intake while keeping intact her aversion to processed foods.

Which is why I am loving Orenda's new weightloss plan - it supports Pollen's food mantra, "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants."  I highly recommend his book, In defense of Food.

On my Burn days I have a plethora of choices for my lean protein that don't include animals. Seeds are probably the leanest, lentils may be the 'go to' for healthiest? And beans just plain fill me up while being delicious in all the many ways we can fix them. Like my soup last night!

I'm still continuing to add greens to my shake each day, it makes a huge difference in keeping me full and satisfied, adding body and richness and variety to the shake. Never underestimate the power of a carrot top! When it gets hotter out I'll add frozen spinach, or frozen blueberries, to add a nice icy touch to the shakes; the possibilities are endless. And once the 100 days is over keeping green smoothies on the table will be easy, they were already a good habit :)

I think breakfast this morning will be kiwi's, there are a couple of sad ones that are begging to be eaten, and I'll pick up some more oranges when we venture out to the store for peanuts to bribe the blue jay.

I'm loving that Candice won American Idol - what a great show it was last night with all the guest performers pairing up with contestants. And me on the couch chewing away on my lemon meringue pie sugar free gum! While I am not hungry in the evenings, ridding myself of the habit of snacking is still a conscious effort, and the chewing helps.

Family is stopping by today to say hello. Here I am within an hours distance of several friends I would like to see and I didn't even let them know I am here. What a bad friend I am - I am embarrassed for myself that I have let my weight reinforce my unnatural tendencies towards living the life of a hermit. While I love the quiet of puttering at home, I equally love entertaining and visiting with friends, and I am missing that balance in my life - so adding those to the list too. Maybe I'll even add a lover back into the mix at some point, but H still fills those parts of my head and heart and I imagine it will be a while before I am ready to go there.

On to another good day! I think I will start by fixing my crazy socal hair and head out front to dead head the geraniums while listening to my audio book, which is probably my best tool for staying on my feet at the moment. Yay, another vacation day!

I can't seem to find a natural rhythm;  whether to write in the morning about the day before or in the evening about the current day. It seems there is always something to draw me back to the keyboard during the course of a day no matter which I choose.

But since I really just wanted to vent a moment about being treated like a four year old I will curb most of my frustrated words and take a deep breath and accept it for what it is. I know I am smart, not stupid at the very least, but I wish that fact was as apparent to those around me as it is to me. So maybe I am the delusional one! Big sigh, another deep breath; two more days to visit with Mom, to make another dent in the yard, to share a quiet moment with cups of tea. Two more days until I drive home - I will make them good ones.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 4/30

I'm so loving the blackberries this year. They are huge and sweet and satisfying and a great way to break a fast. I'll be back on track today with a Shape shake at lunch and bean soup for dinner. The soup is my gift to Mom; while she is busy today I'm going to make a batch of Red Mills 13 bean soup and load it up with greens. I'll leave containers in the freezer so she can have homemade healthy soup after a few minutes in the microwave once I'm gone. For this evening I will measure out a cup for my lean protein at dinner and add a chopped salad to get in some raw veggies too.

But the best part of today will be laying out by the pool and reading a little, with a dip in the water if I get hot. The universe is being kind and it will only be in the 80's this week while I am here, a good 20 degrees cooler than it has been. Today is a vacation day and I am planning on doing some swimming :)

I had thought of going to the movies, but I worried a little about the lure of a dark theatre and a bag of greasy popcorn. I need to keep a little distance right now between myself and that particular temptation. I do want to go see the new Star Trek and Iron Man on the big screen, but I had better wait until I am home and feeling more stable emotionally. On the road there are too many temptations to be bad and pretend it didn't happen!

So looking forward to a quiet day, and puttering on the patio some more when I am bored of reading - gardening is the perfect low intensity exercise! And tonight we find out who is this year's American Idol - I love having something to grab my interest at the end of the day, it makes eating, or not snacking as the case may be, so much easier. Now, off to try on the dreaded bathing suit! Thank heavens for good walls, the world is not ready for this.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 3/30

It always takes a day to settle in at Mom's house; sort of like an emotional jet lag sets in and I freeze up a little. Lets see, where did I stop off....driving south! I did grab a bag of smart popcorn to munch on for the drive over the Grapevine; it could have been worse, it could have been Cheetos! Arriving in Saugus I stuffed Mom's refrigerator with all the produce I had packed in the cooler and she showed me what she had added for me; I'm looking forward to the Brushetta and lentils she found for lettuce wraps at Trader Joes one evening for dinner.

Wednesday was busy and I switched up lunch and dinner because my sister came to visit and brought a beautiful kale salad for lunch. There was quinoa, carrots and a little bit of feta cheese in it and a lemon & olive oil dressing. Sometimes it is more important to be graceful than perfect, and the salad was very delicious. I'll make a variation at home eliminating the olive oil and feta - I'm thinking marinated tofu? In any case I had earned my little splurge, we had spent time in the back patio cleaning up and reorganizing Mom's flower bed under her bedroom window. It's a raised brick patio with platforms of brick to showcase the clay pots that we filled with impatiens. In a couple of months it should be a waterfall of pinks and white - a job well done, and lots of sweating to wash out impurities. Two birds with one stone - loved it.

We rounded out the day with a couple of games of Bananagrams, which if you are a word person is so fun, and I am and it was. D and I each one a game, but the best part was just being there with these two women that I don't see often enough.

I read a little in the afternoon, and munched my way through a baggie of raw veggies. Then I had my Shape shake for dinner, made with coconut water and spinach, and a bit later we watched the sing off on American Idol. I hope Candice wins, what pipes!

All in all a good start to my mini vacation.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Orenda CleanShahpeBurn: 2/30

Today is a Clean day and a Travel day. Perfect. I can drink my first Clean this morning before I hit the road and pack the second serving premixed and in my cooler along with a bag of baby sweet peppers and cauliflower pre-cut into florets to snack on - and an apple for something sweet. And I have a basket of berries for breakfast as I begin my drive south to see Mom. Driving without Kaylee (wah) it's 4.5 hours door to door and I don't anticipate needing to stop, although I should to stretch out everything. 

Once there it's an easy shake for dinner, and I'll pack greens in the cooler to take so I'm ready to blend up something yummy; Mom is suppose to have apples and oranges on hand and throwing an orange into something chocolate - well, enough said. There were some sunflower greens at the store yesterday and too cute to pass up; I'm hoping they make a good evening snack.

Anyway, I couldn't have planned it better to travel on a Clean day.

When Mom called to see what she should have there for me to eat I said berries, apples and oranges, and salad makings. And D offered to stop at the farmer's market on her way over for our visit Wednesday so I'll send her a list once I get there and see what's on hand. I think they are both tired of me being this big and unhealthy and are being very supportive. Which is great. D is also bringing a gorgeous looking roasted veggie dish with her for lunch on Weds that I'm looking forward to trying.

Food, food, food - one track mind or what!

I anticipate a couple of evenings where there will be a glass of wine, daily walks at various parks around the city, a night out at her favorite mexican restaurant for dinner one evening, and lots of puttering around the house. And...wait for it... IN THE POOL! One of the things I miss is swimming - which is crazy since I live two blocks from our HOA pool and an hour's drive from the beach and half an hour away from the Delta. But I'm just too embarrassed to put on a suit in public, and I'm really looking forward to doing some swimming each day when I'm down there. And even laying in the sun a little bit one day just to have that feeling again of warmth soaking in deep. Just writing that I am back on the dock at Lake Arrowhead, leaning up against the boat cover during Easter break and relishing the heat of the sun as it fights it's way through the chill of the spring breeze coming off the water. I can hear the rustling of the pines overhead and hear the clink of the chains securing the dock to the shore. Thank heavens for memories, may I long have them.

Time to get everything packed up and organized. It's so wonderful to be home and starting the day slow and then off on 'my adventure' as A puts it instead of going to work. I'm going to miss that little stinker and the ration of hugs that both she and Kaylee hand out so generously each day.

Road Trip!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 1/30

I am up this morning filled with renewed enthusiasm and looking forward to what the next part of the CleanBurnShape program will bring. Or sluff off. Notes on the next 30 days of the plan are below. I really thought about how I will continue eating when I am finished with these first 100 days and I am changing my mindset to make it a little more clear about what I am actually eating for the next phase of the CBS program and incorporating what I have found works for me. Just a small adjustment, instead of 'up to 9 servings of whole fruits and veggies a day' I will think 'unlimited veggies and 3 servings of fruit a day'. I'm not sure where nuts fall into this program, there are sources of omega 3's built into the product so it's just the fat I need to think about - I think going with my old guidelines of two servings a day (1oz ea) should be good but I'll have to check - nuts may be off the menu during these 30 days but seeds will fall into the 'lean protein' category. 

It's just as I told my Mom, I will still eat for nutrition but using the vegetarian tools Orenda has provided I will get back into a healthy mindset. 

Yikes, time for work, gotta run.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: Day 10

Tonight at 9 is my ten day weigh in on the Wii, and today is Mother's Day. So I feel the need to  start the day perfectly clear about what a 'Clean Day' is and what I will be celebrating and how.

For me the why is about taking a moment to show love & respect for the power of birth and everything that results from that moment. Giving birth changed me, I can't imagine how someone would not be, and pausing to give homage to that right of passage is appropriate. Motherhood is a unique experience, and I am grateful for having been blessed with children.

And the how. This morning will be easy; After breaking my fast with 20oz of water I take my first Burn with my vitamins and 1 scoop of clean in 8oz. I've been dissolving the powder in hot water, I hope that's ok - I'll need to check - and if and when I get hungry I'll have an apple.

Afternoon: We are picnicking at the park in Concannon winery, we went there last Mother's Day and it was lovely. We have veggies already prepped to take, small bright yellow, orange & red baby peppers, broccoli, cauliflower & celery - I'll just stay away from the dip. I'm picking up a basket of blackberries to take too. I'll take my 2nd Burn at 11:30 as usual, and pack (2) of my 20 oz water bottles flavoured with ginger and lemon. We are taking a bottle of chilled Prosecco and while I can't imagine not having a small glass, I also can't imagine having any at all! So I'll wait and see how I feel. Maybe just a mouthful to toast. Since I have no idea of what time we are leaving I will either drink my 2nd glass of Clean before we go or mix it up and take it with us to drink there.

Evening: Shape shake blended up with 2oz of baby organic spinach, 1C of unsweetened almond\coconut milk and a handful of frozen cranberries. Then another 20oz of water over the course of the evening. It's great to think you feel hungry when it's only thirst and you can banish that empty feeling with a glass of water. 

If you're counting that's only 80oz of water, but there will be 16oz in my mid-morning tea and another 16oz in my sleepy time tea tonight and another 8oz in my shake - which brings me up to a little over half my body weight in ounces.

Upon writing this down I realize how off track I have been. While the support on facebook is great, not everyone is at the same place in the program and it can be confusing to see recipes posted. I didn't think twice yesterday about the tofu ranch dressing on my salad or the garbanzo beans I put in it. The dressing had oil in it and I don't think I needed the added protein - but at least the beans were allowed. NO PROCESSED FOODS - and oil is highly processed. True, it wasn't much, but it isn't on the ten day cleanse. Rats. My Bad. Speaking of which I did do some dipping last night when R arrived home with leftover crunchies and ranch dip. Broccoli & Ranch - a marriage made in heaven.

All ofthis makes me realize I really need to nail down my schedule while vacationing at Mom's. I'll do that this evening to keep my hands and brain busy while waiting to weigh in.

Back at 9 with the results!

Or 8 because I was making myself crazy. Here are the numbers.

Down 3.7 lbs and five inches from the major places I measured in ten days. Considering I thought I was down 6 lbs two days ago I was a little frustrated when the Wii measured me. But it's all progress and while the results are not stellar they are better than anything I could have achieved on my own. I did eat off program today which I had NOT intended to do, but shift happens. I can't bring myself to post the next set of pictures yet - there are small noticeable differences after scrutinizing them closely; the way my shirt fits, my jawline, a smaller waistline. But it's still not a pretty picture and I just can't go there again. Yet.

So onward and downward in the next 30 day stint. I have a better understanding of the program now and will be more careful about following it. And wouldn't you know it, when pulling the pictures that R took of me off my email this evening, I saw the reminder about my 40 year high school reunion that is coming up in August. And I have an invite up to BC in June - just a month away. Motivation or pressure? Or neither? In any case I'm just going to lean on Orenda and focus on myself for a change - one day at a time just like any other addict.

And now finally at the day's end I can say how bittersweet the day was; being able to spend it with my daughter and her family I know how blessed I truly am, but I was Joey's Mom too, and it hurts he couldn't be here. 

Enough wallowing, on to day 1 of 30 tomorrow and more positive changes.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: Day 9

I have tried to stay busy all day, puttering around the house here and there, keeping my hands occupied and productive. And while I like to think I am above the pressures of performance, I can't help but think about the weigh in tomorrow and wonder what I will see. I've seen such great results from others following the plan that I worry just a little that I will fall short of my expectations (and theirs), but I'm too afraid to get on the scale to see where I am. Tomorrow will be soon enough and whatever I have achieved in these ten days will be welcome news. Because it's a definite start back on the right path, it's my new beginning.

I've been taking the green coffee bean extract (Burn) with my vitamins in the morning about 7am, then again about 11:30 - a half an hour before lunch- and again at 4:30 in the afternoon. Today was a clean day so it's two servings of Clean and one of Shape. I was suppose to have my shake in the evening but I forgot about it being a Clean day and had it this afternoon. It should be fine, I had a big salad with 'tofu ranch' dressing, pepitas and garbanzo beans for a late lunch and still have a second helping of Cleanse to drink so I know I won't be hungry this evening. I'll be more focused tomorrow, being day ten and all!

My Mom asked me today what was the 'Diet' I was on, and I could in all honesty say I wasn't. That Orenda had come up with a set of vegetarian tools to help me eat the way I wanted to, that they encourage whole foods and that their products are powerful support tools designed for nutrition that will keep me on track. And this is truly what I have found, that if I'm a little blue I'm not reaching for a snack, and if I feel hungry I reach for my water first, and knowing I am getting a belly full of great ingredients every time I drink my Cleanse or down a Burn or mix up some Shape keeps me eating clean and focused on feeling healthy.

I could see a difference in the mirror this morning before I jumped in the shower, my old form  is emerging from under the layers of neglect, and I could feel a difference in the way I moved today.  Instead of plodding along and making myself move one foot after the other as I did during the whole moving period in April, I am actually enjoying walking again, and it's getting easier to bend down when I'm standing and stand up when I'm sitting.

I'm so glad I ordered the CBS program, so glad I am feeling results so soon, and no matter the number I see tomorrow it will be exactly what I have earned, no more or less, and I will be satisfied. Because I am primed and ready to continue eating clean and honouring this body.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: Day 8

There were speckled brown and black cows grazing on the side of a golden hill, the lush green contrast of the low trees lining a riverbed provided a wonderful break in the composition, and the smooth cultured cap of a burgeoning vineyard with packed dirt pathways bleached pale by the sun that cut sharp angles through the grapevines; all this I enjoyed out my window as I drove along this morning in a box of steel on a sweep of asphalt that led the way for me to sit at a desk for a third of my day. Can you see what is wrong in this picture? I can.

I was a good girl this morning, packing my Nutri Bullet to take with me to work and stopping on the way in to buy some baby organic spinach; I was determined to make a green smoothie for lunch using my Shape powder.

This afternoon I was not such a goodie good and when stopping on the way home to pick up almond coconut milk for the weekend I also snagged a small bag of kettle all natural sea salt chips. Yum! But that must be the only lapse until my weigh in Sunday night. I do not want to disappoint myself!

And speaking of me (when am I not?), a pretty girl smiled at me this morning. Nothing invitational or welcoming nor derisive neither, just a beautiful spontaneous smile when our eyes met as we crossed paths in the parking lot of the grocery store. I am usually invisible to pretty girls, their eyes sliding over me like the sun over an ice cube, but today  this one looked at me right in the eye and I received a spark from her, and maybe gave one back in the smile that I returned. Is my health showing? Has my improved attitude sweetened my  normally sour expression? In any event it was just what I needed to have a good day at work, and I accomplished much - enough that I won't have to go in and work this weekend. I mean, I could, there is lots to do, but I cleared all the fires and straightened my desk in preparation of leaving next week. 

And speaking of THAT, have I crowed about my  upcoming vacation? I'm off to the south of California to visit Mom and Dee mouse. The only plans I have are to stay on program (I'll have just started the first 30 day segment after the Cleanse) eating lots of fun healthy plants, walk each day up and down and around the hills she lives amongst, and lay by the pool on Thursday while Mom is away with her hikers. Oh God, I need to try on my suit before packing it tomorrow, yuck. Next Summer will be fun in a new suit a few sizes smaller, but for now - 16's suck! But it will be just me and the water and the sun for that day and they won't mind my bumps and sags. I will simply pretend they are not there and that I am a bathing beauty.

Enough rambling, there are branches to finish breaking up and a green waste container to fill before dark.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: Day 7

While perusing the fridge recently my attention was attracted by the beautiful lacey carrot tops in one of the humidity controlled drawers. Normally I buy the 2# bag of carrots that have already had their greens chopped off, but we had carrots delivered in our farm box last week and those come with tops intact. I wondered about adding them to my Shape shake but didn't get around to googling their nutrition until this morning.

This afternoon I was very glad to have done the research, because I had stopped paying attention to what I was doing and I was almost caught up in an avalanche of my own making, and those tops came in super handy. Let me begin at the beginning.

Yesterday for lunch I mixed my Shape with fruit juice (which I can see now was too much sugar) instead of my usual blend of spinach, unsweetened almond milk and a serving of whole fruit which is full of fiber. At the time I didn't think much about it much except for how tasty it was. Then last night I was out of spinach & kale so just mixed up the evening Shape with the almond milk. So that was two shakes in a row without greens. Also yesterday I only had 2 Burn capsules because I forgot at lunch. In a nutshell I hadn't followed the program very well for 24 hours by the time I arrived home this afternoon.

We had planned to use the limb trimmer to remove a large branch from the fruitless pear tree out front after work today, and upon arriving home I changed into my grubbies and got busy. Once the branch was down I was listening to my book and stripping small branches off to fill up the green waste container when it hit - the first low blood sugar incident I have had in a really long time, maybe three or four years. While embarrassed about finding myself in that situation in the first place, at least I reacted well and quickly. Rushing inside I threw a shake together (carrot tops, almond milk, banana, 1/2 an orange, a scoop of TJ's green powder and a scoop of Shape), jammed a straw in and inhaled about a quarter of the cup (A big Baja Fresh cup, you probably have one in your cupboard too.)

I immediately started feeling better, and went to the cupboard to snag a handful of almonds to help stabilize things, then slowly ate them and sipped on my shake while watching A in the bath. (In the middle of me gulping my shake she arrived from playing outside covered in mud since I left her with the hose on and her father for supervision.)

Wanting to make sure I was full of nutrition I made a salad of the spring green mix, green onion, a handful of pepitas, 3 green olives, half an avocado and a little dressing. (I always toss a capful of apple cider vinegar into my lettuce before stirring in a little dressing so it goes farther and the cell walls of the lettuce start breaking down.)

Now it's an hour later, I feel fine, and have had time to reconstruct how I blew it. Bottom line I was paying more attention to what I had to do at work than taking care of myself. The first six days were so easy peasy on the CleanBurnShape program that I had let my guard down. When I ran out of spinach I didn't take time to go get more; one morning I sat playing on the computer instead of planning what would go in my lunch shake so I left the house unprepared; and worst of all I was so tired this afternoon and had such a heavy workload that I had a piece of candy out of the endless bowl at work, my first in over a week.  Now I know why I was tired, and what led up to my crash this afternoon, and how to prevent a reoccurrence. 

Back to what was working.
Make my shakes green and only use whole fruit; set my phone to remind me to take my Burn at noon; have veggies ready to munch on at a moments notice. Very simple guidelines that kept me happy, full & stable for almost a week - let's not fix what wasn't broken. I'll say it again, for the program to work I need only follow it!

One thing I managed to do right was my water. I had quartered an orange this morning and divided it between four 20oz bottles of water and those are all gone. Una mas and I'm done for the day.

I must remember that my health is a priority, that right now following this great program is of paramount importance, and that I am worth the attention it takes to do it right.

Go me.