I am not good with change, with new things, with stepping outside of my comfort zone. The new laptop arrived today, and while I am glad, I am also frustrated and irritated. I don't want google or microsoft to handle everything for me, and I don't want to trust them with anything. I understand those are the new standards and protocols for operating in this new day and age. But I am not comfortable with this at all. Just the fact I had to submit my email and birthday to even set up the laptop had me two seconds away from just returning it.
Because I did the same thing several years ago. My desktop computer died, and I purchased a laptop. I even paid someone to move all of my files over because back then it was the easiest way. Two days trying to do things and I gave up, reset back to factory settings to erase all of my info, and took it back. I just hated the way the programs glommed on to everything.
So today I took a deep breath, and said no to as many things as possible during the set up phase, and I'm in it for the long haul. My IT department hooked up my remote setting easy peasy, and I'm using the free drop box to move files from the old laptop. I know eventually I can customize the settings so I'm not asked at every turn to sync everything and save my passwords - so annoying. Please just allow me some privacy! Being a dinosaur is not easy sometimes.
I am blaming all of this on my stress eating, and snacking earlier this evening. I mean, really, left over bacon, eggs and potatoes just there for the taking. So I took. No much, but at the same time too much. And it was all food I can eat, but not as a snack. So one broken line today.
The good news of the day is that I took my car in to the repair shop. The Insurance adjuster had called to let me know the value of my car was more than anticipated and it's not totaled after all. Yay! So I am without a car this week, but hey, with shelter in place and all that, it's perfect timing.
Time to turn off Bubble Guppies, kick the kids out, and find a new audio book to listen to. As I haven't been commuting, it took a while to get through the book. But given the choice, I'll choose not commuting anytime. I can listen to my books while gardening and doing food prep for meals. And cleaning. Always the cleaning.
Monday, March 30, 2020
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Chili Verde
I used the instant pot to make Chile Verde for dinner today. It was the kind of cool day that makes one think of comfort food and it was nice to fill the house up with wonderful smells.
Being mindful of my determination to regain my Bright Lines today, I was careful about how I proceeded. Once the instant pot finished a natural release, I opened it and using a slotted spoon pulled out each chunk of pork roast and shredded it into glass containers. Then I left the pot on Saute to reduce the juices and veggies. This way I can measure out the components and know I have a balanced meal.
I weighed out my salad, sprinkled on an ounce of cheese, and added 3oz of the meat. Using the slotted spoon again I added 6oz of veggies from the pot (onions, peppers, tomatoes, and chilies to the top of the meat in my salad bowl. Stirring a spoonful of sour cream into the veggies made a delicious dressing after adding a few splashes of hot sauce. Next time I will skip the cheese as it was overwhelmed by everything else.
M used the meat to make Nachos and it sounds like R is making a burrito. But there will be left overs for next week. I'll use the sauce to make a sort of chili verde pozole I think. But I will be careful to weigh and measure to make sure there are the right proportions of protein (pork) and vegetables (hominy) in each serving.
It's been challenging today to stick to my bright lines, having eaten too many calories yesterday and having had both sugar and flour. But I am keeping my thoughts positive, remembering how quickly I adapted before, and wanting to enjoy continued results. That sounded oddly formal, but you get the drift. Back on plan, back to feeling better, back to feeling lighter. Those are good feelings, and we all need those in our lives.
M and A went and picked up R and C from Hospital early this afternoon. Thank heavens they're home. Upon arrival, everything went in the wash, including them, and things have finally settled down. I nope all of the precautions taken both at the hospital and at home keep us safe; it's nerve wracking to say the least. His numbers are still low and they will wait to continue Chemo until they rebound some more. I think he was up to 250 today, so half way there.
Time to check the news to see if Trump is still waffling.
Being mindful of my determination to regain my Bright Lines today, I was careful about how I proceeded. Once the instant pot finished a natural release, I opened it and using a slotted spoon pulled out each chunk of pork roast and shredded it into glass containers. Then I left the pot on Saute to reduce the juices and veggies. This way I can measure out the components and know I have a balanced meal.
I weighed out my salad, sprinkled on an ounce of cheese, and added 3oz of the meat. Using the slotted spoon again I added 6oz of veggies from the pot (onions, peppers, tomatoes, and chilies to the top of the meat in my salad bowl. Stirring a spoonful of sour cream into the veggies made a delicious dressing after adding a few splashes of hot sauce. Next time I will skip the cheese as it was overwhelmed by everything else.
M used the meat to make Nachos and it sounds like R is making a burrito. But there will be left overs for next week. I'll use the sauce to make a sort of chili verde pozole I think. But I will be careful to weigh and measure to make sure there are the right proportions of protein (pork) and vegetables (hominy) in each serving.
It's been challenging today to stick to my bright lines, having eaten too many calories yesterday and having had both sugar and flour. But I am keeping my thoughts positive, remembering how quickly I adapted before, and wanting to enjoy continued results. That sounded oddly formal, but you get the drift. Back on plan, back to feeling better, back to feeling lighter. Those are good feelings, and we all need those in our lives.
M and A went and picked up R and C from Hospital early this afternoon. Thank heavens they're home. Upon arrival, everything went in the wash, including them, and things have finally settled down. I nope all of the precautions taken both at the hospital and at home keep us safe; it's nerve wracking to say the least. His numbers are still low and they will wait to continue Chemo until they rebound some more. I think he was up to 250 today, so half way there.
Time to check the news to see if Trump is still waffling.
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Bright Line Eating; week 24 in review - my final opinion
10-6-19 232.6 Started listening to Bright Line Eating and immediately cut flour and sugar
3-28-20 211.4 Completed 24 weeks of BLE,. But flour and sugar are creeping back into my life
Total weight loss 21.2 pounds.
Findings: I feel better when I abstain completely from flour and sugar. The pizza and candy from last night instigated inflammation in my hands this morning so badly that I could barely make a fist with my right hand and impairing normal function. As in not being able to brush my hair.
I also feel better when I don't snack in the middle of the night; mornings when I wake up remembering a midnight foray into the kitchen and eating cookies in bed leave me feeling...more than disappointed, dirty or infected may be better adjectives.
My ideas of eating clean have shifted. I still know that eating for nutrition has great value, but now it is more about what not to eat, and how miraculous our bodies really are when it comes to processing 'food' and the direct result seen in every aspect of our well being or lack thereof. So it all goes back to what I heard all the time in my high school days, we really are what we eat.
At the time there was no weight (no pun intended but enjoyed) behind the sound bite, but now I see clearly the truism that was being touted about. For someone who once thought of herself as smart, I really wasn't. Introverted in many ways as I grew from childhood to a young adult, I missed seeing important connections. Not just about food, but about life in general. And I think that one of the biggest perks of eliminating flour and sugar at this late stage of my life is a better brain. Being able to think more clearly, have more confidence, be a better person.
I am excited about the next six months, and being at least another 20 pounds lighter come the next Holiday season. I am happy about setting an example for the family, showing them that eating without flour and sugar has not meant deprivation but rather delicious meals and increased energy. I sleep better when eating on plan, and wake up easier. I have given up coffee with the exception of an occasional cup of decaf or half cup of regular if it's the weekend and the kids haven't finished their half carafe that is brewed each morning.
And I've only touched on the plan, I haven't been consistent with the other important components - specifically a daily meditation and regularly committing to what I will eat the next day. What I have been doing is making sure there are choices available; meals prepared, weighed, and packed ready to consume. Currently in the fridge are containers of oatmeal, roasted veggies, proteins ready to cook, and a plastic bin of chopped veggies ready to add to salads. The food scale lives on the kitchen counter and at a moments notice I can have a Bright Line meal ready - breakfast, lunch, or dinner. But I have fallen into the habit of deciding what to eat in the morning instead of the night before. Sometimes I choose what to eat at mealtime without planning ahead at all. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, but it isn't complying with the heart of the plan - committing the night before and stimulating the automaticity portion of re-wiring the brain.
Susan likes to say there are no rules, no BLE police, that we each find our own way within the science and guidelines she has presented. The important part is drawing bright lines against flour, sugar, snacks, and quantities. The rest is up to us, being aware of what works and where we need to draw other bright lines. What feels addictive to one person is no big deal to another. I am personally thankful for Triscuits. So thankful that I decided to forego them for a week to see if I could, and it was no big deal. I think they are just 'easy' compared to cooking a grain so while commuting to work they are an easy 'go to' breakfast grain.
My biggest challenge was no snacking. The first few months were great, because I did snack a bit here and there because it was the holidays and there was always my saboteur lurking on my shoulder and encouraging me to celebrate with family by eating our traditional holiday appetizers. And I continued to lose weight. I think a part of me recognized that maybe for me I could snack a little and 'get away with it'. Well that was a big lie!
For years I have known about the two mystical beings that sit on my shoulders, thinking of them as an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, or sometimes one as Anne (the athlete) and the other as Vail (somehow damaged). Now I know it's my brain, battling for and against addiction. And I have a new visual of those mystical beings - as wolves. You know the story, it's everywhere - 'the wolf you feed becomes strong and wins' or something like that.
While 'feeding' my good wolf sounds counter productive in this instance, it isn't. Nourishment comes in many forms, and treating myself well, being kind and respectful towards myself, these are nourishment, these are feeding the good wolf. And when I treat myself well I do feel my good wolf becoming stronger, so to say. The arguments that once plagued me are fewer now. Sometimes because I just don't care, but mostly because I just do the next right thing.
This all sounds very positive given how I have struggled the past month to simply maintain my 20 pound loss. But I think as part of a learning experience this past month as been very eye opening. I know for sure now that I am better if I don't eat flour or sugar. That it is easier to do this if I don't snack at all. And of course I have been reminded very strongly that one cookie is not enough, and that a thousand wouldn't satisfy me. Not Oreo's, not girl scout cookies. Not freshly baked chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven. Just the thought makes me a little ill right now, that I was sliding, sliding, sliding down a slippery slope. But I will not go quietly! I will fight, and I will win.
Because of the science. Because knowledge is power, and now that I know I can't not know.
So the first thing I did this morning after weighing myself was have a real cup of coffee, with oat cream and turbinado sugar, and a slice of cold leftover pizza. Favorite Breakfast Ever. Better than pancakes with lemon drizzle, better than buttered toast and sausage, just my all time favorite, probably forged over a quarter century of working in the pizza industry and having left over pizza in the house constantly. So still celebrating with food. It may take years to rid myself of that, but as long as what I am celebrating in the meanwhile is losing weight, I can live with that.
Bright Lines back in place starting now, so that I can start regaining my self respect, and continue on my journey to a right sized body. And to a life worth living, because I was barely surviving before. I very rarely look back in this blog as it's painful to see the years of struggle. I know there are many good things here, and I do value those memories, but in each one there is a shadow lurking that kept me from being truly happy. Now that shadow has a name, addiction, and I look forward to a future without it. One day at a time, one bright line at a time.
May my successes always be more than my failures. May I show good actions instead of good intentions. And above all my gratitude this morning for always getting back up, for believing at my core that I can be better, and do better. For believing I am worthy.
PS Word just in that all of C's lab work came back negative for viruses (COVID-19 included). Looks like his body was just worn out trying to battle an ear and mucus infection. Hopefully they come home today. Thank Heavens.
3-28-20 211.4 Completed 24 weeks of BLE,. But flour and sugar are creeping back into my life
Total weight loss 21.2 pounds.
Findings: I feel better when I abstain completely from flour and sugar. The pizza and candy from last night instigated inflammation in my hands this morning so badly that I could barely make a fist with my right hand and impairing normal function. As in not being able to brush my hair.
I also feel better when I don't snack in the middle of the night; mornings when I wake up remembering a midnight foray into the kitchen and eating cookies in bed leave me feeling...more than disappointed, dirty or infected may be better adjectives.
My ideas of eating clean have shifted. I still know that eating for nutrition has great value, but now it is more about what not to eat, and how miraculous our bodies really are when it comes to processing 'food' and the direct result seen in every aspect of our well being or lack thereof. So it all goes back to what I heard all the time in my high school days, we really are what we eat.
At the time there was no weight (no pun intended but enjoyed) behind the sound bite, but now I see clearly the truism that was being touted about. For someone who once thought of herself as smart, I really wasn't. Introverted in many ways as I grew from childhood to a young adult, I missed seeing important connections. Not just about food, but about life in general. And I think that one of the biggest perks of eliminating flour and sugar at this late stage of my life is a better brain. Being able to think more clearly, have more confidence, be a better person.
I am excited about the next six months, and being at least another 20 pounds lighter come the next Holiday season. I am happy about setting an example for the family, showing them that eating without flour and sugar has not meant deprivation but rather delicious meals and increased energy. I sleep better when eating on plan, and wake up easier. I have given up coffee with the exception of an occasional cup of decaf or half cup of regular if it's the weekend and the kids haven't finished their half carafe that is brewed each morning.
And I've only touched on the plan, I haven't been consistent with the other important components - specifically a daily meditation and regularly committing to what I will eat the next day. What I have been doing is making sure there are choices available; meals prepared, weighed, and packed ready to consume. Currently in the fridge are containers of oatmeal, roasted veggies, proteins ready to cook, and a plastic bin of chopped veggies ready to add to salads. The food scale lives on the kitchen counter and at a moments notice I can have a Bright Line meal ready - breakfast, lunch, or dinner. But I have fallen into the habit of deciding what to eat in the morning instead of the night before. Sometimes I choose what to eat at mealtime without planning ahead at all. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, but it isn't complying with the heart of the plan - committing the night before and stimulating the automaticity portion of re-wiring the brain.
Susan likes to say there are no rules, no BLE police, that we each find our own way within the science and guidelines she has presented. The important part is drawing bright lines against flour, sugar, snacks, and quantities. The rest is up to us, being aware of what works and where we need to draw other bright lines. What feels addictive to one person is no big deal to another. I am personally thankful for Triscuits. So thankful that I decided to forego them for a week to see if I could, and it was no big deal. I think they are just 'easy' compared to cooking a grain so while commuting to work they are an easy 'go to' breakfast grain.
My biggest challenge was no snacking. The first few months were great, because I did snack a bit here and there because it was the holidays and there was always my saboteur lurking on my shoulder and encouraging me to celebrate with family by eating our traditional holiday appetizers. And I continued to lose weight. I think a part of me recognized that maybe for me I could snack a little and 'get away with it'. Well that was a big lie!
For years I have known about the two mystical beings that sit on my shoulders, thinking of them as an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, or sometimes one as Anne (the athlete) and the other as Vail (somehow damaged). Now I know it's my brain, battling for and against addiction. And I have a new visual of those mystical beings - as wolves. You know the story, it's everywhere - 'the wolf you feed becomes strong and wins' or something like that.
While 'feeding' my good wolf sounds counter productive in this instance, it isn't. Nourishment comes in many forms, and treating myself well, being kind and respectful towards myself, these are nourishment, these are feeding the good wolf. And when I treat myself well I do feel my good wolf becoming stronger, so to say. The arguments that once plagued me are fewer now. Sometimes because I just don't care, but mostly because I just do the next right thing.
This all sounds very positive given how I have struggled the past month to simply maintain my 20 pound loss. But I think as part of a learning experience this past month as been very eye opening. I know for sure now that I am better if I don't eat flour or sugar. That it is easier to do this if I don't snack at all. And of course I have been reminded very strongly that one cookie is not enough, and that a thousand wouldn't satisfy me. Not Oreo's, not girl scout cookies. Not freshly baked chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven. Just the thought makes me a little ill right now, that I was sliding, sliding, sliding down a slippery slope. But I will not go quietly! I will fight, and I will win.
Because of the science. Because knowledge is power, and now that I know I can't not know.
So the first thing I did this morning after weighing myself was have a real cup of coffee, with oat cream and turbinado sugar, and a slice of cold leftover pizza. Favorite Breakfast Ever. Better than pancakes with lemon drizzle, better than buttered toast and sausage, just my all time favorite, probably forged over a quarter century of working in the pizza industry and having left over pizza in the house constantly. So still celebrating with food. It may take years to rid myself of that, but as long as what I am celebrating in the meanwhile is losing weight, I can live with that.
Bright Lines back in place starting now, so that I can start regaining my self respect, and continue on my journey to a right sized body. And to a life worth living, because I was barely surviving before. I very rarely look back in this blog as it's painful to see the years of struggle. I know there are many good things here, and I do value those memories, but in each one there is a shadow lurking that kept me from being truly happy. Now that shadow has a name, addiction, and I look forward to a future without it. One day at a time, one bright line at a time.
May my successes always be more than my failures. May I show good actions instead of good intentions. And above all my gratitude this morning for always getting back up, for believing at my core that I can be better, and do better. For believing I am worthy.
PS Word just in that all of C's lab work came back negative for viruses (COVID-19 included). Looks like his body was just worn out trying to battle an ear and mucus infection. Hopefully they come home today. Thank Heavens.
Friday, March 27, 2020
Can you say Neutropenic
We learned the word Neutropenia in the process of C being diagnosed with leukemia, and it has stayed with us over the course of his treatment this past year.
ANC: Absolute Neutrophil Count: The real number of white blood cells that are neutrophils. The normal range for the ANC = 1.5 to 8.0 (1,500 to 8,000/mm3).
To keep it simple, when they test his blood his ANC count has to be at least 500 for him to be strong enough to endure his chemo treatments - the big ones, not the daily dose he gets. A healthy child runs around 1500, and when they tested C at the hospital this evening it was 8. Basically no immune system at work. At all. Which is why he was having trouble breathing, and sounded like he had croup when he coughed. And why despite the misgivings...no, despite the terror of going to hospital with the danger of Covid-19 lurking god knows where... they took him in. And they were right, he needs to stay for observation and to control the expected fever. Hopefully the tests come back negative for virus and he will be released tomorrow to come home and be treated here. If not it will be days before we see them. This is assuming there is no corona virus involved, that could be weeks.
Poor M had to wait for hours in the car as the hospital was adamant about only one family member going in with C. He still isn't home as they wait to see if he can at least drop off the overnight bag for R. My daughter is strong when she must be there for her family, advocating for C and making sure he gets the care he needs. But she is also human and I send her prayers of love and light tonight to sustain her as she endures the rigors of a hospital stay.
A and I have done the evening chores, had dinner, and had a final check in from the hospital. It is quiet here now that she is off the phone with friends and getting ready for bed. And I am not ready for quiet this evening, my head still abuzz with worry. My anxiety has lessened over the past hour as we received updates, and I am working on a cup of tea that touts it calms the mind. That would be nice.
Dinner was not good. I arrived home to them leaving, with pizza boxes on the stove and the imperfect produce order to put away. Tired from a day at the office I had pizza for dinner. One piece each of cheese and pepperoni. And a bread stick. And a handful of MnM's. No excuses, just the facts. And no, I am not looking forward to weighing in tomorrow.
It will be the end of my six month trial of Mostly following Bright Line Eating, and while it won't be the amazing finish I hoped for in the beginning, at least I am not ending in failure no matter what number I see in the morning. On Tuesday I saw 210.6, unseen for years, and I will remember that as I rezoom tomorrow and eat on plan.
And come to think of it, when I stopped for orange juice for C on the way home it never occurred to me to get a snack for the ride. Often there is a 'conversation' that usually includes words like fruit and zero sugar jerky, but today - nothing. This is progress, no? Yes! A definite yes. And on that note I call it an evening.
Love & Light to C and everyone struggling tonight.
ANC: Absolute Neutrophil Count: The real number of white blood cells that are neutrophils. The normal range for the ANC = 1.5 to 8.0 (1,500 to 8,000/mm3).
To keep it simple, when they test his blood his ANC count has to be at least 500 for him to be strong enough to endure his chemo treatments - the big ones, not the daily dose he gets. A healthy child runs around 1500, and when they tested C at the hospital this evening it was 8. Basically no immune system at work. At all. Which is why he was having trouble breathing, and sounded like he had croup when he coughed. And why despite the misgivings...no, despite the terror of going to hospital with the danger of Covid-19 lurking god knows where... they took him in. And they were right, he needs to stay for observation and to control the expected fever. Hopefully the tests come back negative for virus and he will be released tomorrow to come home and be treated here. If not it will be days before we see them. This is assuming there is no corona virus involved, that could be weeks.
Poor M had to wait for hours in the car as the hospital was adamant about only one family member going in with C. He still isn't home as they wait to see if he can at least drop off the overnight bag for R. My daughter is strong when she must be there for her family, advocating for C and making sure he gets the care he needs. But she is also human and I send her prayers of love and light tonight to sustain her as she endures the rigors of a hospital stay.
A and I have done the evening chores, had dinner, and had a final check in from the hospital. It is quiet here now that she is off the phone with friends and getting ready for bed. And I am not ready for quiet this evening, my head still abuzz with worry. My anxiety has lessened over the past hour as we received updates, and I am working on a cup of tea that touts it calms the mind. That would be nice.
Dinner was not good. I arrived home to them leaving, with pizza boxes on the stove and the imperfect produce order to put away. Tired from a day at the office I had pizza for dinner. One piece each of cheese and pepperoni. And a bread stick. And a handful of MnM's. No excuses, just the facts. And no, I am not looking forward to weighing in tomorrow.
It will be the end of my six month trial of Mostly following Bright Line Eating, and while it won't be the amazing finish I hoped for in the beginning, at least I am not ending in failure no matter what number I see in the morning. On Tuesday I saw 210.6, unseen for years, and I will remember that as I rezoom tomorrow and eat on plan.
And come to think of it, when I stopped for orange juice for C on the way home it never occurred to me to get a snack for the ride. Often there is a 'conversation' that usually includes words like fruit and zero sugar jerky, but today - nothing. This is progress, no? Yes! A definite yes. And on that note I call it an evening.
Love & Light to C and everyone struggling tonight.
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Love in the time of Covid 19
Today I took an early lunch and spent my hour divided between showering and eating; I can't do that at the office! And it was lovely not having to face the chill of the morning or the lethargy of the evening to get clean. Such a very small perk in the face of global disaster.
I listened to the news a bit today, and did a little googling to see how we (the world) is doing in the face of Covid 19. I think my take away is that this is an awful way to shine a light on the fact that Americans are stuck with a liar instead of a leader in a time of crisis. I have an enduring belief in the hard work and brains of most people, and I know that one way or another humans will survive this. If we weren't already focused on replacing trump in the coming election, this certainly would have rallied the troops for such action. At least one could hope.
Naturally my biggest concern is my little family, and how stressed the kids are about taking C into hospital for his monthly treatment - an infusion of chemo into his spinal fluid that is considered essential for his recovery. We are always entrusting his medical team with his life, but this adds an element of risk and trust that is stressing everyone to the max.
Love each other every day. Take the time to play and laugh. Be grateful for what we have instead of worrying about what we can't get. One day at a time. And pray for common sense to spread faster than the virus.
It's been a Bright Line day; taking care of myself has never been more important.
I listened to the news a bit today, and did a little googling to see how we (the world) is doing in the face of Covid 19. I think my take away is that this is an awful way to shine a light on the fact that Americans are stuck with a liar instead of a leader in a time of crisis. I have an enduring belief in the hard work and brains of most people, and I know that one way or another humans will survive this. If we weren't already focused on replacing trump in the coming election, this certainly would have rallied the troops for such action. At least one could hope.
Naturally my biggest concern is my little family, and how stressed the kids are about taking C into hospital for his monthly treatment - an infusion of chemo into his spinal fluid that is considered essential for his recovery. We are always entrusting his medical team with his life, but this adds an element of risk and trust that is stressing everyone to the max.
Love each other every day. Take the time to play and laugh. Be grateful for what we have instead of worrying about what we can't get. One day at a time. And pray for common sense to spread faster than the virus.
It's been a Bright Line day; taking care of myself has never been more important.
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
Food and Fun
Serendipity can be a good friend, and often plays a roll in developing a new favorite dish when cooking. Yesterday I was using chicken sausages for my protein, and was craving chowmein veggies. I sauteed onion, bok choy, and celery together in a little sesame oil for my veggies, and at the last tossed in the mushrooms I had sauteed the day before. weighing this mixture out into four servings I proceeded to add the chicken sausages. But they were each about half an ounce light, and since I know better than to skimp on measurements I added half an ounce of sliced lite pepperoni to each of my four glass containers to bring the protein up to weight.
Today at lunch I discovered I had something wonderful. I forgotten how much I love cooked celery (al dente please) and combined with the everything else it was simply delicious. So good in fact that I had it again for dinner tonight after my salad.
While it was nice to get out of the house and work in the office today, it was very quiet and I missed the hubbub of the house. I am tired this evening, and ready to call it a day two hours earlier than polite company would call for I think. I do need to wait for my pan of veggies to finish roasting anyway. In about half an hour I will have a tray of roasted carrots, onions, and potatoes to divvy up into containers. We are trying to make sure we use up all of the fresh produce first; knowing we have another delivery next Thursday almost compels one towards due diligence and not wasting anything. And saving the frozen veggies in case fresh becomes hard to find, there's that too.
After work today I was able to find a tub of toys and puzzles in the newly organized garage to bring in to the house. The kids have done two puzzles in the past week and a half, and now there is a new 1000 piece Snoopy puzzle we hadn't even opened because it looked too challenging at the time. Now it is a godsend for those going a little stir crazy.
Finally, something I am good at; staying home!
We watched Onward yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised. Finding family friendly options while browsing for movies to watch has been a challenge; you know that sweet spot where children and adults are both entertained.
Time to sign off and make tea, rest my back, and cuddle some grandchildren. Which all sounds rather contradictory, but each in it's own time makes it work.
Today at lunch I discovered I had something wonderful. I forgotten how much I love cooked celery (al dente please) and combined with the everything else it was simply delicious. So good in fact that I had it again for dinner tonight after my salad.
While it was nice to get out of the house and work in the office today, it was very quiet and I missed the hubbub of the house. I am tired this evening, and ready to call it a day two hours earlier than polite company would call for I think. I do need to wait for my pan of veggies to finish roasting anyway. In about half an hour I will have a tray of roasted carrots, onions, and potatoes to divvy up into containers. We are trying to make sure we use up all of the fresh produce first; knowing we have another delivery next Thursday almost compels one towards due diligence and not wasting anything. And saving the frozen veggies in case fresh becomes hard to find, there's that too.
After work today I was able to find a tub of toys and puzzles in the newly organized garage to bring in to the house. The kids have done two puzzles in the past week and a half, and now there is a new 1000 piece Snoopy puzzle we hadn't even opened because it looked too challenging at the time. Now it is a godsend for those going a little stir crazy.
Finally, something I am good at; staying home!
We watched Onward yesterday, and I was pleasantly surprised. Finding family friendly options while browsing for movies to watch has been a challenge; you know that sweet spot where children and adults are both entertained.
Time to sign off and make tea, rest my back, and cuddle some grandchildren. Which all sounds rather contradictory, but each in it's own time makes it work.
Monday, March 23, 2020
Cheeseburger Salad
I know I have said this before, and probably will again, but throwing a cheeseburger into a salad instead of a bun is wonderful. The flavours pop instead of melding into the bread, and you don't feel stuffed afterwards. Or at least I don't. I had a mix of veggies ready to go for salads this week, and I prepped my dinner salad as usual. But then I chopped up a juicy cheeseburger fresh off the grill and tossed it on top with chopped tomatoe and pickle. My dressing was mustard & mayo which I tossed in well and then drizzled a little No Sugar Added Catsup over the top.
Delicious. I reheated some peas leftover from dinner last night and my Bright Line meal was done.
Working from home went well today, but this afternoon there were fresh baked cookies in the house, and I had one with a cuppa tea for my afternoon break. Just one, but I know I will pay for it with cravings later tonight when the house is quiet and I know there are more waiting in a baggie on the kitchen sink. It seems silly at my age to ask them to hide the cookies, and that has my ire up, but it is what it is. Or rather, I am what I am. There may come a day when I am the only one bringing food into the house and can control what's available to eat, but I can feel my future self wishing for these days when I was surrounded by family and cookies.
C is next to me on the bed watching Bubble Guppies, and I wouldn't trade this for the cleanest kitchen in the world. And by clean I mean empty of flour and sugar. But speaking of clean kitchens, I guess everyone is adapting to having family home. And cooking more, and eating in. So more dishes that have to be done and more picking up after ourselves etc etc. I wonder how this will change us.
Yesterday the kids took a walk and came home excited about drawing chalk messages and pictures on the driveway by the sidewalk; A and R colored in the sun from Tangled, a peace sign and some positive messages. Anyone walking by was in for a treat today, and I hope the idea continues to spread. I should have taken a picture! Maybe it will still be there tomorrow; it's been windy but hasn't rained again yet.
I'm not looking forward to actually getting up and going to the office tomorrow, but it's my turn and we need to do it.
Time to go edit the Imperfect Produce order for Thursday.
Delicious. I reheated some peas leftover from dinner last night and my Bright Line meal was done.
Working from home went well today, but this afternoon there were fresh baked cookies in the house, and I had one with a cuppa tea for my afternoon break. Just one, but I know I will pay for it with cravings later tonight when the house is quiet and I know there are more waiting in a baggie on the kitchen sink. It seems silly at my age to ask them to hide the cookies, and that has my ire up, but it is what it is. Or rather, I am what I am. There may come a day when I am the only one bringing food into the house and can control what's available to eat, but I can feel my future self wishing for these days when I was surrounded by family and cookies.
C is next to me on the bed watching Bubble Guppies, and I wouldn't trade this for the cleanest kitchen in the world. And by clean I mean empty of flour and sugar. But speaking of clean kitchens, I guess everyone is adapting to having family home. And cooking more, and eating in. So more dishes that have to be done and more picking up after ourselves etc etc. I wonder how this will change us.
Yesterday the kids took a walk and came home excited about drawing chalk messages and pictures on the driveway by the sidewalk; A and R colored in the sun from Tangled, a peace sign and some positive messages. Anyone walking by was in for a treat today, and I hope the idea continues to spread. I should have taken a picture! Maybe it will still be there tomorrow; it's been windy but hasn't rained again yet.
I'm not looking forward to actually getting up and going to the office tomorrow, but it's my turn and we need to do it.
Time to go edit the Imperfect Produce order for Thursday.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
The Hair
Hair cuts are not essential, and the appointment I had to chop this off was cancelled, so here's the pic.
No Highlights, just grey and brown. The goal is to have enough to donate and still be able to put it up in a ponytail for swimming this summer - assuming we get to go to the pool. Usually it's braided over my shoulder for convenience's sake, but this day was straightened by an office mate to 'just see' what it would be like.
I admit it looks beautiful here, but really it's just a PITA because I can't do much with it. My back starts to ache if I keep my hands over my head for too long, and there's too much to keep in a bun on top of my head anymore.
But I thought it would be fun to keep this as a record since it may never be this long again.
Bright Line Eating; week 23 in review
This past week was challenging, not just for me but for the world, and I've been busy adjusting to our new reality. But first my Bright Line Eating review. I think that every night I had a midnight snack of Girl Scout Cookies. I didn't fight too hard, but most nights kept to a serving of five cookies; Trefoils or Thin Mints. My weight yesterday morning was back up a half a pound, so I am holding steady at 20 pounds lost. I should be happy with maintaining this loss, but as usual I am a little disappointed in myself. For not following the plan, for all of the little ways I gave up on myself during the week.
All that being said, I have not given up on myself or Bright Line Eating. Instead I see that the midnight forays into the kitchen are a result of my addiction, and the resulting lack of will power reinforces the notion that I do actually need to stop eating any flour or sugar whatsoever or I become susceptible to the machinations of my saboteur.
This next week will be my last reviewing the plan; I think 24 weeks is long enough to spend time on evaluating Bright Line Eating. Learning to live without flour, sugar, and snacking is a work in progress, and I know that there will be lows and highs because that is the way life works. And all told this is working for me and I will continue following the plan. I think I am still enjoying the benefits of the first 20 I pounds lost, and have just slid into a sense of complacency and a testing of my addiction to a certain degree. Learning that I can disagree with that inner voice, and stand up for what I know is the next right thing, is my goal for the next six months.
I am looking forward to next week, now that we have settled into our Shelter in Place routine. Yesterday I picked up my task chair from the office, and reorganized my small bedroom to fit in a workstation. I sort of feel like I will be working/sleeping in a closet, but really I don't mind. As a co-worker remarked on a conference call last week, "What, stay at home? I was born for this, not a problem!" Or something like that. She is a fellow hermit.
We have the grocery essentials in place, and I will be able to stick to my bright lines now that the anxiety level has reduced somewhat. Our Imperfect Produce order arrived Friday with canned beans & tomatoes, fruit and veggies, and I picked up lettuce at the grocery store yesterday. I had been stocking up on triscuits as they had been on sale the past couple of weeks, and I have steel cut oats for breakfast the other mornings. Speaking of which, it was really nice to have oatmeal most mornings last week, and mixing it with fruit and nuts. I am going to try measuring out half my oatmeal serving, using PB as the protein and berries for the fruit, and then scooping it up with half a serving of triscuits; crackers with PB & jam, no?
Anyway, I still have lots to listen to on Susan's vlogs, and all of my reference modules from the boot camp, so lots of support going forward on this journey. And I'm sure I will be compelled to still write about it ad nauseum as I struggle and celebrate. Hopefully more of the latter and less of the former. I think the reason I stopped writing a year or so ago was just being so sick of listening to myself whine. Hopefully I can take note from that and go back to focusing on the positive, something I really need to do in the current social climate. Something that was once second nature to me; playing the Pollyanna game.
Stay safe everyone; we can accomplish great things together.
All that being said, I have not given up on myself or Bright Line Eating. Instead I see that the midnight forays into the kitchen are a result of my addiction, and the resulting lack of will power reinforces the notion that I do actually need to stop eating any flour or sugar whatsoever or I become susceptible to the machinations of my saboteur.
This next week will be my last reviewing the plan; I think 24 weeks is long enough to spend time on evaluating Bright Line Eating. Learning to live without flour, sugar, and snacking is a work in progress, and I know that there will be lows and highs because that is the way life works. And all told this is working for me and I will continue following the plan. I think I am still enjoying the benefits of the first 20 I pounds lost, and have just slid into a sense of complacency and a testing of my addiction to a certain degree. Learning that I can disagree with that inner voice, and stand up for what I know is the next right thing, is my goal for the next six months.
I am looking forward to next week, now that we have settled into our Shelter in Place routine. Yesterday I picked up my task chair from the office, and reorganized my small bedroom to fit in a workstation. I sort of feel like I will be working/sleeping in a closet, but really I don't mind. As a co-worker remarked on a conference call last week, "What, stay at home? I was born for this, not a problem!" Or something like that. She is a fellow hermit.
We have the grocery essentials in place, and I will be able to stick to my bright lines now that the anxiety level has reduced somewhat. Our Imperfect Produce order arrived Friday with canned beans & tomatoes, fruit and veggies, and I picked up lettuce at the grocery store yesterday. I had been stocking up on triscuits as they had been on sale the past couple of weeks, and I have steel cut oats for breakfast the other mornings. Speaking of which, it was really nice to have oatmeal most mornings last week, and mixing it with fruit and nuts. I am going to try measuring out half my oatmeal serving, using PB as the protein and berries for the fruit, and then scooping it up with half a serving of triscuits; crackers with PB & jam, no?
Anyway, I still have lots to listen to on Susan's vlogs, and all of my reference modules from the boot camp, so lots of support going forward on this journey. And I'm sure I will be compelled to still write about it ad nauseum as I struggle and celebrate. Hopefully more of the latter and less of the former. I think the reason I stopped writing a year or so ago was just being so sick of listening to myself whine. Hopefully I can take note from that and go back to focusing on the positive, something I really need to do in the current social climate. Something that was once second nature to me; playing the Pollyanna game.
Stay safe everyone; we can accomplish great things together.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
St Paddy's Day Dinner
YUM!! All that is crazy in the world today and my take away is that dinner was wonderful. Food Addict. R had picked up a corned beef from Trader Joe's and found a recipe online to use the Instant Pot to cook it. Our first, but definitely not our last. It was perfect. Tender meat, creamy potatoes, flavour infused into every carrot, onion & potatoe. I had 14oz of cooked veggies instead of a salad and I am full and happy.
I had prepped more veggies than would fit in the pot, so after we pulled everything out we used the liquid to cook the remaining veg. which means left overs! Hopefully our imperfect produce order will arrive with the pork chops she ordered so there is a protein to go with them later this week.
Working from home today was challenging as expected. I need to set up my 'workstation' better so that I am not straining my back. The being home wasn't too bad, C spent some time with me watching Paw Patrol and leaning up against me while I worked. He is still tired from his Monday procedure and emotional from being on steroids this week we we are all a little more patient and accommodating.
I can't help but wonder what the coming week will bring with such an increased load on the internet; it will be a test of the providers that is certain. And IT departments everywhere are working overtime to get all their client's employees set up to work remotely.
Sheltering at home isn't bad if you have resources; I pray everyone has the food and medicine they need, that as many as possible stay safe.
Time for a game.
I had prepped more veggies than would fit in the pot, so after we pulled everything out we used the liquid to cook the remaining veg. which means left overs! Hopefully our imperfect produce order will arrive with the pork chops she ordered so there is a protein to go with them later this week.
Working from home today was challenging as expected. I need to set up my 'workstation' better so that I am not straining my back. The being home wasn't too bad, C spent some time with me watching Paw Patrol and leaning up against me while I worked. He is still tired from his Monday procedure and emotional from being on steroids this week we we are all a little more patient and accommodating.
I can't help but wonder what the coming week will bring with such an increased load on the internet; it will be a test of the providers that is certain. And IT departments everywhere are working overtime to get all their client's employees set up to work remotely.
Sheltering at home isn't bad if you have resources; I pray everyone has the food and medicine they need, that as many as possible stay safe.
Time for a game.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Scale Wars; and the winner is....
Yesterday I took a hard look at how I am doing Bright Line Eating, and called myself out for customizing the pan a little too much. And all of that was valid. But I was so focused on the weight, I forgot about the reality of how quickly our bodies respond to life. I weighed myself again this morning because the scale was back in the bathroom. The forecast of rain had prompted me to bring it in from the garage on Friday so I would be sure to weigh Saturday morning, rain or shine. I could not resist the temptation to weigh, and see if yesterday's number was 'real'.
Of course it was real, in that moment.
I was so disappointed in the number I focused on the plan and my shortcomings instead of the knowledge that our weight fluctuates day by day naturally. I had fast food on Friday, and probably wasn't drinking enough water because it's cold and wet outside. All contributing factors that I may have given a nod to but without their due consideration of their place in my day to day reality.
211.4 I don't think I've seen this number since 2012 when I started my current job eight years ago; I was 210 then. I had lost about 50 pounds while eating for nutrition a few years before that while out of work and having time to prep thousands of pounds of vegetables. But going back to work at Open Heart Kitchen had exposed me to thousands of pounds of day old bakery items, and it hadn't take me long to gain back the weight. Looking back now I see how my food addiction to flour & sugar was set back in motion by the sight and smells of all of the bakery donations. That probably led to the fast food; my other part time job was driving all over the Bay Area doing project management and it was convenient to drive through for lunches. What a clusterfuck. I should be thankful I never saw 300 pounds given this situational conundrum. I probably would have if Open Heart hadn't also kept me on my feet working my ass off half the day. Language!
So back to the scale, I 'really' lost a half pound last week instead of gaining almost 2. Seriously? How can I give credence to this morning's number and discount yesterday's when I have just explained how fickle the scale is day by day? Scale Wars indeed. Mostly played out in the head, with one of the contenders being the inner Saboteur; a Lobbyist for our Addiction. But a war takes two to play, and I am not without skills. I feel my bright lines against flour and sugar while not 100% intact, still have started the healing process, and my brain was clear enough and my will strong enough to not just react but to think and analyze and decide to do the next right thing. Get back on plan.
This morning I feel that I won yesterday's battle at the scale. Instead of giving up I refocused on what I know works. Instead of eating birthday cake (C's) I reviewed how I had been eating and rededicated myself to drawing Bright Lines that are strong and steady. Bright Lines that can protect me from stupid or harmful choices. Bright Lines that are the slayers of food addiction.
------------------break to read Dragons Love Tacos with C -------------------
I am happy this morning to have seen the new number on the scale, and I am feeling strong from yesterday's come to church meeting with myself. Yesterday was the first truly clean eating day I have had in a while, and I felt good going to bed last night. Such a better way to feel about oneself than disappointed, don't you think?
The challenge? To remember all of this the next time I am discouraged by the stupid little number on the scale.
Of course it was real, in that moment.
I was so disappointed in the number I focused on the plan and my shortcomings instead of the knowledge that our weight fluctuates day by day naturally. I had fast food on Friday, and probably wasn't drinking enough water because it's cold and wet outside. All contributing factors that I may have given a nod to but without their due consideration of their place in my day to day reality.
211.4 I don't think I've seen this number since 2012 when I started my current job eight years ago; I was 210 then. I had lost about 50 pounds while eating for nutrition a few years before that while out of work and having time to prep thousands of pounds of vegetables. But going back to work at Open Heart Kitchen had exposed me to thousands of pounds of day old bakery items, and it hadn't take me long to gain back the weight. Looking back now I see how my food addiction to flour & sugar was set back in motion by the sight and smells of all of the bakery donations. That probably led to the fast food; my other part time job was driving all over the Bay Area doing project management and it was convenient to drive through for lunches. What a clusterfuck. I should be thankful I never saw 300 pounds given this situational conundrum. I probably would have if Open Heart hadn't also kept me on my feet working my ass off half the day. Language!
So back to the scale, I 'really' lost a half pound last week instead of gaining almost 2. Seriously? How can I give credence to this morning's number and discount yesterday's when I have just explained how fickle the scale is day by day? Scale Wars indeed. Mostly played out in the head, with one of the contenders being the inner Saboteur; a Lobbyist for our Addiction. But a war takes two to play, and I am not without skills. I feel my bright lines against flour and sugar while not 100% intact, still have started the healing process, and my brain was clear enough and my will strong enough to not just react but to think and analyze and decide to do the next right thing. Get back on plan.
This morning I feel that I won yesterday's battle at the scale. Instead of giving up I refocused on what I know works. Instead of eating birthday cake (C's) I reviewed how I had been eating and rededicated myself to drawing Bright Lines that are strong and steady. Bright Lines that can protect me from stupid or harmful choices. Bright Lines that are the slayers of food addiction.
------------------break to read Dragons Love Tacos with C -------------------
I am happy this morning to have seen the new number on the scale, and I am feeling strong from yesterday's come to church meeting with myself. Yesterday was the first truly clean eating day I have had in a while, and I felt good going to bed last night. Such a better way to feel about oneself than disappointed, don't you think?
The challenge? To remember all of this the next time I am discouraged by the stupid little number on the scale.
Saturday, March 14, 2020
Bright Line Eating;week 22 in review
Up almost two pounds this morning. I'm disappointed in myself, but also completely aware that it was all me. Not sticking to the plan, letting my saboteur insinuate herself into my daily life in small ways that have added up to me straying from my Bright Lines. I think on Susan having mentioned many many times over that it took her years to figure it out, and that we have lots of work to do, that this is not an easy thing, but a worthwhile thing. I still believe her, and in myself, and the cupcake I had last night was for now the last straw. I am re-motivated this morning to get back on plan, to go back to weighing everything like I did the first few months, and to not skip salads.
If you don't follow the plan, it doesn't work. Go figure.
Which brings me to the 'meat' balls I made while I was off work Thursday. I spent so much time and energy on making something that was in my mind a healthy protein option. But I didn't take the time to actually calculate the protein. And I used oats in the mix - there is no grain at lunch or dinner- and lots of veggies which is great, but no way to tell what the proportions actually are for cooked veggies and protein. And the plan is designed to make sure we get the energy our bodies need at the right times so our brain and digestion and feedback systems are working together correctly. So not a good decision to have made that at all. I guess I'll just keep them in the freezer for back up? I don't think I can throw away good food.
Why I started veering off towards 'nutrition' and taking less seriously my Bright Line Eating I don't know. Maybe a little arrogance at having lost 20 pounds coupled with my saboteur making me think I know best? Or better? Not an uncommon phenomenon, but frustrating to be only human and not perfect. Of course if that were the case I wouldn't be here complaining and trying to figure things out in the first place.
Ultimately the week in review is about me just not following the plan. I almost wrote 'enough'. Not following the plan enough. See, I still think I can cheat the system and still lose weight. Which did work for awhile, but I think now that I do need to pay closer attention if I want to continue seeing results. I rarely measure my fat, and just use it to cook as needed, so that is a big 'cheat' even though I never promised myself a bright line for quantities. And of course skipping salads because I'm too tired by the end of the day. I'm sure that was a contributing factor in last weeks fail.
What I did promise were bright lines for Flour, Sugar, and Snacking. And that was working for me, albeit slower than others in the boot camp. But I think that breaking those lines for holidays and my birthday, while not seemingly so at the time, were chinks in my armour; places the saboteur could sneak in and wreak havoc. As did boot camp it'self. I don't do well under pressure, and I rebelled from the beginning, so I'm glad it's over. But I'm also glad that I still have access to all of the modules and videos for reference and reminders - I did learn from them, and enjoyed listening to Susan explain things.
Next week will be my sixth month, and my last Bright Line review of the week. I'm sure BLE will still factor into my writing for a long time, but I think I will go back to logging my food in my paper journal. Another fail on my part, I had slipped away from journaling the night before since I was recording my food here the next day. Even though I knew the night before what I would be eating the next day, that isn't the same as writing it down and committing to it.
Life is always a work in progress, right? And I do feel like I am making progress, and have learned from this latest batch of mistakes. So onward and downward with more Bright Line Eating!
If you don't follow the plan, it doesn't work. Go figure.
Which brings me to the 'meat' balls I made while I was off work Thursday. I spent so much time and energy on making something that was in my mind a healthy protein option. But I didn't take the time to actually calculate the protein. And I used oats in the mix - there is no grain at lunch or dinner- and lots of veggies which is great, but no way to tell what the proportions actually are for cooked veggies and protein. And the plan is designed to make sure we get the energy our bodies need at the right times so our brain and digestion and feedback systems are working together correctly. So not a good decision to have made that at all. I guess I'll just keep them in the freezer for back up? I don't think I can throw away good food.
Why I started veering off towards 'nutrition' and taking less seriously my Bright Line Eating I don't know. Maybe a little arrogance at having lost 20 pounds coupled with my saboteur making me think I know best? Or better? Not an uncommon phenomenon, but frustrating to be only human and not perfect. Of course if that were the case I wouldn't be here complaining and trying to figure things out in the first place.
Ultimately the week in review is about me just not following the plan. I almost wrote 'enough'. Not following the plan enough. See, I still think I can cheat the system and still lose weight. Which did work for awhile, but I think now that I do need to pay closer attention if I want to continue seeing results. I rarely measure my fat, and just use it to cook as needed, so that is a big 'cheat' even though I never promised myself a bright line for quantities. And of course skipping salads because I'm too tired by the end of the day. I'm sure that was a contributing factor in last weeks fail.
What I did promise were bright lines for Flour, Sugar, and Snacking. And that was working for me, albeit slower than others in the boot camp. But I think that breaking those lines for holidays and my birthday, while not seemingly so at the time, were chinks in my armour; places the saboteur could sneak in and wreak havoc. As did boot camp it'self. I don't do well under pressure, and I rebelled from the beginning, so I'm glad it's over. But I'm also glad that I still have access to all of the modules and videos for reference and reminders - I did learn from them, and enjoyed listening to Susan explain things.
Next week will be my sixth month, and my last Bright Line review of the week. I'm sure BLE will still factor into my writing for a long time, but I think I will go back to logging my food in my paper journal. Another fail on my part, I had slipped away from journaling the night before since I was recording my food here the next day. Even though I knew the night before what I would be eating the next day, that isn't the same as writing it down and committing to it.
Life is always a work in progress, right? And I do feel like I am making progress, and have learned from this latest batch of mistakes. So onward and downward with more Bright Line Eating!
Friday, March 13, 2020
Cake
TGIF
It's been a rough evening so far. C is hungry but we can't find anything he will eat. Finally a push-pop caught his fancy and he sat taking little cat licks off the top for a few minutes until it was too drippy and he passed it off. The orzo in the cupboard also caught his eye so I cooked up a batch while he was preoccupied with the ice cream, but of course now that the pasta is tender and coated with butter and sprinkled with Parmesan his interest has waned.
At least he is no longer needing to be held in front of the refrigerator; he is so heavy! Thank heavens his mother does most of the holding, being the preferred human around here.
A is off school for an extended Easter break due to the Corona Virus, and many of our vendors at work have sent notices out that services may be interrupted but they will do the best they can. Strange days, and scary when you have an immune compromised child in the house. So it's good A will be home instead of mixing it up with friends at school.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) veggieball, corn, pear
(d) burger bowl, fries
(s) bites of cheddar cheese, bite of frankfurter, a couple snap peas
It's hard to snack when we have little bowls of everything laying around to temp C. And I finally had fast food on the way home tonight.On a positive note I stopped at Home Depot and picked up tomatoes, red peppers, sage, strawberries, jalapenos and a big bag of miracle grow to get the garden started. It is suppose to rain tomorrow, but I am hoping for a break to do some gardening.
Tomorrow C will be three, and A has baked a cake; she has three layers cooling to frost tomorrow. And C is finally eating something - a cupcake made with left over batter. Not exactly food, but needed calories. I hear he had fries at lunch, so that is something.
I'm not feeling smaller tonight, instead I am bloated from the fast food, and my mood is slipping. I have to get back off this roller coaster, and don't know why I am still struggling so much. But it has been a hard week, and I'm tired, and my confidence of earlier this week has vanished into the aroma of cake wafting through the house.
Heaven help me.
It's been a rough evening so far. C is hungry but we can't find anything he will eat. Finally a push-pop caught his fancy and he sat taking little cat licks off the top for a few minutes until it was too drippy and he passed it off. The orzo in the cupboard also caught his eye so I cooked up a batch while he was preoccupied with the ice cream, but of course now that the pasta is tender and coated with butter and sprinkled with Parmesan his interest has waned.
At least he is no longer needing to be held in front of the refrigerator; he is so heavy! Thank heavens his mother does most of the holding, being the preferred human around here.
A is off school for an extended Easter break due to the Corona Virus, and many of our vendors at work have sent notices out that services may be interrupted but they will do the best they can. Strange days, and scary when you have an immune compromised child in the house. So it's good A will be home instead of mixing it up with friends at school.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) veggieball, corn, pear
(d) burger bowl, fries
(s) bites of cheddar cheese, bite of frankfurter, a couple snap peas
It's hard to snack when we have little bowls of everything laying around to temp C. And I finally had fast food on the way home tonight.On a positive note I stopped at Home Depot and picked up tomatoes, red peppers, sage, strawberries, jalapenos and a big bag of miracle grow to get the garden started. It is suppose to rain tomorrow, but I am hoping for a break to do some gardening.
Tomorrow C will be three, and A has baked a cake; she has three layers cooling to frost tomorrow. And C is finally eating something - a cupcake made with left over batter. Not exactly food, but needed calories. I hear he had fries at lunch, so that is something.
I'm not feeling smaller tonight, instead I am bloated from the fast food, and my mood is slipping. I have to get back off this roller coaster, and don't know why I am still struggling so much. But it has been a hard week, and I'm tired, and my confidence of earlier this week has vanished into the aroma of cake wafting through the house.
Heaven help me.
Thursday, March 12, 2020
A Day off from work
I accomplished much today as witnessed by my poor sore feet. That it is still just a dent compared to what I wanted to accomplish is a little disheartening; I could spend a month of days home from work before I felt everything was done I think. But I am hoping that I can do more each day after work now that the light is lasting longer again as we head into Spring. Today was absolutely gorgeous, and I even swept and hosed off the long driveway; that's me being happy, a physical task, the breeze on my face, a book in my ear. I'm glad I took the day to putter at my own speed.
Partly I was able to ease up because C's birthday party is cancelled. Between the rain and the Corona virus it just wasn't going to happen. The 'rents are now faced with deciding if A will be going to school, or staying home. I say err on the side of caution and keep her home. But that is for her parents to decide.
(b) breakfast sausage,toast, red grapes
(l) vegetarian meatballs, more grapes
(d) schwarma chicken, steamed broccoli
I was too tired to make a salad and too full to make another serving of cooked vegetables. This happens too often, I know that, and I will try to do better at prepping salads ahead of time so they are ready to go most nights. But I've been saying that for a while and it's just not happening. Hmmmmm.
-------------- break for state capitals flash card review---------------
Yaaaawwwwnnnnn.
I have meatballs for lunch tomorrow, and there is left over chicken for dinner again. I'm glad I don't have a problem with eating the same thing two days in a row, it does make life easier sometimes, but I do need to make a second batch of meals this weekend. And I need to pick up a birthday present for C tomorrow. I hate that I wait until the last minute so often, but I'm hoping to find a new water can for him, and a small broom. He did love helping me outside today and should have the right size tools to use.
Ginger lemon tea tonight, and one more day until I weigh-in. I could be doing better, I know this from listening to the BLE calls and the amount of weight others are losing by strictly following the weight loss plan. But I guess it's like everything else in my life; I'm just doing the best I can right now.
Partly I was able to ease up because C's birthday party is cancelled. Between the rain and the Corona virus it just wasn't going to happen. The 'rents are now faced with deciding if A will be going to school, or staying home. I say err on the side of caution and keep her home. But that is for her parents to decide.
(b) breakfast sausage,toast, red grapes
(l) vegetarian meatballs, more grapes
(d) schwarma chicken, steamed broccoli
I was too tired to make a salad and too full to make another serving of cooked vegetables. This happens too often, I know that, and I will try to do better at prepping salads ahead of time so they are ready to go most nights. But I've been saying that for a while and it's just not happening. Hmmmmm.
-------------- break for state capitals flash card review---------------
Yaaaawwwwnnnnn.
I have meatballs for lunch tomorrow, and there is left over chicken for dinner again. I'm glad I don't have a problem with eating the same thing two days in a row, it does make life easier sometimes, but I do need to make a second batch of meals this weekend. And I need to pick up a birthday present for C tomorrow. I hate that I wait until the last minute so often, but I'm hoping to find a new water can for him, and a small broom. He did love helping me outside today and should have the right size tools to use.
Ginger lemon tea tonight, and one more day until I weigh-in. I could be doing better, I know this from listening to the BLE calls and the amount of weight others are losing by strictly following the weight loss plan. But I guess it's like everything else in my life; I'm just doing the best I can right now.
Wednesday, March 11, 2020
A little Peace
Finally a drive home without torment. I even worked late, leaving at 6:30 instead of 4:00, and never thought about stopping to eat on the way home. So nice. But I do need to cook tomorrow. Despite being busy at work I am taking the day off to shop, cook, and clean just to get a better handle on things. Call it a mental health day.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) pork steak, peas, green grapes
(d) baked beans, chicken thigh, coleslaw
A friend is using the Noom app to lose weight, and seeing the colour groups they use I thought it might be to encourage eating the more nutritionally dense foods. But no, it's just another way to count calories, like WW. This is what I found online.
"Noom is an app designed to help people lose weight, get fit, and stay healthy. It uses a unique traffic light system to rank foods based on how many calories they contain."
For someone not addicted to flour & sugar, and who loves to use their phone, this could be a valuable tool. I've spent more years than I care to remember counting calories and keeping spreadsheets and it never worked. I would lose a few pounds and then...nothing. I was so convinced it was the right approach (calories in vs calories out) that I was the living definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I know counting calories doesn't work for me, and I hate using my phone for anything but audio books, texting and pictures. So not a viable option for me.
Susan's vlog today was about the hourglass shape of Bright Line Eating. How before BLE you probably experienced the freedom of eating what you wanted when you liked. The top of the hourglass. And after that the food plan must feel restrictive, and it does sometimes. I can feel myself being squeezed through the small funnel in the middle. But she assures us that sticking to it, and letting recovery from food addiction take it's natural course, will result in life opening back up again. And I believe her. I can visualize a life that is not wrecked by cravings and uncontrollable urges to eat horrible food.
So I'm in the middle of the hourglass. Having left the wide open prairies of eating with wild abandon behind me, I am now traveling through the sometimes traumatic neck. But I can see how life will open up again, and I'll be able to fill my life with wild abandon again. Just not around food this time, around bigger and better things. Like cute jeans, and road trips, and swimming.
Today it's all clear again, and I'm glad of the peace.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) pork steak, peas, green grapes
(d) baked beans, chicken thigh, coleslaw
A friend is using the Noom app to lose weight, and seeing the colour groups they use I thought it might be to encourage eating the more nutritionally dense foods. But no, it's just another way to count calories, like WW. This is what I found online.
"Noom is an app designed to help people lose weight, get fit, and stay healthy. It uses a unique traffic light system to rank foods based on how many calories they contain."
For someone not addicted to flour & sugar, and who loves to use their phone, this could be a valuable tool. I've spent more years than I care to remember counting calories and keeping spreadsheets and it never worked. I would lose a few pounds and then...nothing. I was so convinced it was the right approach (calories in vs calories out) that I was the living definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So I know counting calories doesn't work for me, and I hate using my phone for anything but audio books, texting and pictures. So not a viable option for me.
Susan's vlog today was about the hourglass shape of Bright Line Eating. How before BLE you probably experienced the freedom of eating what you wanted when you liked. The top of the hourglass. And after that the food plan must feel restrictive, and it does sometimes. I can feel myself being squeezed through the small funnel in the middle. But she assures us that sticking to it, and letting recovery from food addiction take it's natural course, will result in life opening back up again. And I believe her. I can visualize a life that is not wrecked by cravings and uncontrollable urges to eat horrible food.
So I'm in the middle of the hourglass. Having left the wide open prairies of eating with wild abandon behind me, I am now traveling through the sometimes traumatic neck. But I can see how life will open up again, and I'll be able to fill my life with wild abandon again. Just not around food this time, around bigger and better things. Like cute jeans, and road trips, and swimming.
Today it's all clear again, and I'm glad of the peace.
Tuesday, March 10, 2020
One More Day
Again the desire rose hot in me for a sourdough burger as I approached the exit for JITB while driving home after work. Today the conversation went something like this. 'I should just drive through and get a burger so I can stop thinking about it; I can feel the crunch of the sourdough and the juiciness of the burger'. 'Well you know, they never toast the bread enough, and it was a little disappointing the last time you had one.' 'Yeah, but everything else will be good, and I could get some curly fries.' 'Stop it, there is food at home and you'll feel terrible afterwards if you eat the burger.' Then I was past the exit and on my way home. Why am I having these old conversations again? I've been passing up fast food for months with rarely a struggle and now I'm back in the ring fighting for my sanity.
I miss the relative calm of the first few months on Bright Line Eating, but even thinking that makes me realize that I am still in a better place then I was before starting BLE. Before it was a 50/50 chance when I entered one of my battles, but now I can't remember the last time I drove through for a fast food meal. So maybe my saboteur is still trying to turn my head, and I just have to accept that there will be times I do have pull out my sword and go to war. But going into battle knowing you can win, as opposed to feeling desperate and hopeless, is a much better place to be. So tonight I am grateful to be winning, even if I still have to suffer through the fighting.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) left over pork, roasted asperagus, orange
(d) left over baked beans, green salad, yellow mango
Waste not Want not has been so ingrained in my psyche after a quarter century of food service that it's really hard to waste food. So when A cut open a yellow mango and didn't like it, I enjoyed it with my dinner. It was small, rich, and delicious and I don't regret it at all. My Bad? I don't think so.
It was just another day, another chance to make good choices, and the really big difference on the drive home is that I now truly believe that each good decision makes a world of difference.
I miss the relative calm of the first few months on Bright Line Eating, but even thinking that makes me realize that I am still in a better place then I was before starting BLE. Before it was a 50/50 chance when I entered one of my battles, but now I can't remember the last time I drove through for a fast food meal. So maybe my saboteur is still trying to turn my head, and I just have to accept that there will be times I do have pull out my sword and go to war. But going into battle knowing you can win, as opposed to feeling desperate and hopeless, is a much better place to be. So tonight I am grateful to be winning, even if I still have to suffer through the fighting.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) left over pork, roasted asperagus, orange
(d) left over baked beans, green salad, yellow mango
Waste not Want not has been so ingrained in my psyche after a quarter century of food service that it's really hard to waste food. So when A cut open a yellow mango and didn't like it, I enjoyed it with my dinner. It was small, rich, and delicious and I don't regret it at all. My Bad? I don't think so.
It was just another day, another chance to make good choices, and the really big difference on the drive home is that I now truly believe that each good decision makes a world of difference.
Monday, March 9, 2020
Analyzing the Anger
Yesterday was moodiness, and today came the anger. Anger at myself for waking up late and not packing lunch, at the world because I couldn't drive through JITB for a sourdough burger. I mean it really pissed me off - and it wasn't that I couldn't have the fast food, but that I had to say no at all. I mean really, how fair is that? This must be part of the grieving process Susan was talking about, and having to say goodbye to things that are not good for me. And earlier in the day I was mad at having to wear reading glasses; they were in the purse I had left at home this morning and I misread the directions on the frozen cauliflower I picked up at sprouts to have with my soup Bottom line I couldn't cook what I had purchased to have with my soup at lunch and I was mad. Again. Just angry on and off all day. So silly to waste my energy but there it was.
I don't often feel like I am 'dieting' on Bright Line Eating. But today it seemed like the dieting mentality was slapping me upside the face at every turn. And of course the reality is that even-going well planned days don't rock the boat. So on those days I don't notice I am trying to lose weight, and the time just flows by. But anger is a hot emotion, and stands out from the other days to let you know something is wrong. And I don't want anything to be wrong. I want my days peaceful and productive.
--------------Family Movie Break: Jumanji II----------------
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) Italian wedding ball soup, orange segments & blackberries
(d) Pork steak, roasted winter veggies, green salad w\ lots of carrots & snap peas
My anger from the day has dissipated, the movie having made me laugh while cuddling with my precious granddaughter, and I have tea brewing to help me wind down from the day. Once I finish up here I'll work a Sudoku puzzle and then call it a day once my tea is gone. I guess I really am a creature of habit, and keeping things simple also keeps me calm. I am not good with drama, and need to spend this week tying up the loose ends I find laying about.
I'm glad there are leftovers to cover lunch and dinner tomorrow. I was in such a groove of cooking and prepping meals I'm not sure why it sort of fell apart, but I feel that losing that sense of security has been part of my struggle the past few days. Or really since returning home from my visit south. I sort of lost my rhythm and the blues snuck in. See what I did there? Ha.
Enough already, time to call it.
I don't often feel like I am 'dieting' on Bright Line Eating. But today it seemed like the dieting mentality was slapping me upside the face at every turn. And of course the reality is that even-going well planned days don't rock the boat. So on those days I don't notice I am trying to lose weight, and the time just flows by. But anger is a hot emotion, and stands out from the other days to let you know something is wrong. And I don't want anything to be wrong. I want my days peaceful and productive.
--------------Family Movie Break: Jumanji II----------------
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) Italian wedding ball soup, orange segments & blackberries
(d) Pork steak, roasted winter veggies, green salad w\ lots of carrots & snap peas
My anger from the day has dissipated, the movie having made me laugh while cuddling with my precious granddaughter, and I have tea brewing to help me wind down from the day. Once I finish up here I'll work a Sudoku puzzle and then call it a day once my tea is gone. I guess I really am a creature of habit, and keeping things simple also keeps me calm. I am not good with drama, and need to spend this week tying up the loose ends I find laying about.
I'm glad there are leftovers to cover lunch and dinner tomorrow. I was in such a groove of cooking and prepping meals I'm not sure why it sort of fell apart, but I feel that losing that sense of security has been part of my struggle the past few days. Or really since returning home from my visit south. I sort of lost my rhythm and the blues snuck in. See what I did there? Ha.
Enough already, time to call it.
Sunday, March 8, 2020
A Hard Day
I am not sure why it was a hard day, but it was. I could barely make myself do anything, I broke several Bright Lines, and haven't even tried to snap out of this insufferable funk I have been in all day. Perhaps I am coming down from the real caffeinated coffee yesterday; I didn't even have my decaf today having decided once again to switch to decaf tea on my way back to strictly herbal. I would just really love to know exactly what was going on in my body today to explain it all.
At this point, I'm just glad the day is over and I haven't eaten a cheesecake. I know that tomorrow will be different and that hopefully this mood was just a fluke. I just wanted to check out and disappear today, and laid down to nap a couple of time this afternoon trying to escape with limited success. I'm grateful that it's almost bedtime, my chamomile tea is cooling, and soon I can lay down in the dark and set the sleep timer on my audio book.
(b) eggs over easy on sprouted toast, half a large banana
(l) roasted veggies, sausage, cheese & triscuits
(d) nuked potatoe w\ butter & sour cream, part of a piece of chicken, 2 pieces popcorn chicken
The family brought in KFC, who sells donuts now by the way, and I was able to stay away from the biscuits. But as stated above I did a couple of bites of breaded chicken. Not good, definitely not worth it, but at the moment I wanted the grease and salt and crunch. Let me rephrase that. I didn't want it, my hand and mouth did - I felt like I was being driven and I haven't felt that in a long time. Just disgusting that I wasn't able to just go to my room and lock the door as I have done dozens of times over the past several month to get away from 'not my food.' Sometimes you lose, I guess that's all.
I think maybe I was just overwhelmed. Yesterday I backed into a car that was parked in our driveway because my focus was on making sure C wasn't behind me and was looking towards him instead of behind me. Nothing horrific but there is damage and I need to file a claim. Digging in my purse for my insurance card I came across my car registration with requires smog this year and is due in a couple of weeks. I am not happy with the washer\dryer set I just purchased and need to arrange replacements before 3/17. Nor am I happy with the microwave - same deal; 30 days to return is up the same day. I should have taken care of at least one of those tasks, but no, instead I worked on A's laundry, did a load of dishes, and moped.
So too many things to take care of on a day I woke up groggy and irritated. If my bed wasn't up against a wall I would say I had gotten out on the wrong side.
Enough, time for tea. Tomorrow will be different.
At this point, I'm just glad the day is over and I haven't eaten a cheesecake. I know that tomorrow will be different and that hopefully this mood was just a fluke. I just wanted to check out and disappear today, and laid down to nap a couple of time this afternoon trying to escape with limited success. I'm grateful that it's almost bedtime, my chamomile tea is cooling, and soon I can lay down in the dark and set the sleep timer on my audio book.
(b) eggs over easy on sprouted toast, half a large banana
(l) roasted veggies, sausage, cheese & triscuits
(d) nuked potatoe w\ butter & sour cream, part of a piece of chicken, 2 pieces popcorn chicken
The family brought in KFC, who sells donuts now by the way, and I was able to stay away from the biscuits. But as stated above I did a couple of bites of breaded chicken. Not good, definitely not worth it, but at the moment I wanted the grease and salt and crunch. Let me rephrase that. I didn't want it, my hand and mouth did - I felt like I was being driven and I haven't felt that in a long time. Just disgusting that I wasn't able to just go to my room and lock the door as I have done dozens of times over the past several month to get away from 'not my food.' Sometimes you lose, I guess that's all.
I think maybe I was just overwhelmed. Yesterday I backed into a car that was parked in our driveway because my focus was on making sure C wasn't behind me and was looking towards him instead of behind me. Nothing horrific but there is damage and I need to file a claim. Digging in my purse for my insurance card I came across my car registration with requires smog this year and is due in a couple of weeks. I am not happy with the washer\dryer set I just purchased and need to arrange replacements before 3/17. Nor am I happy with the microwave - same deal; 30 days to return is up the same day. I should have taken care of at least one of those tasks, but no, instead I worked on A's laundry, did a load of dishes, and moped.
So too many things to take care of on a day I woke up groggy and irritated. If my bed wasn't up against a wall I would say I had gotten out on the wrong side.
Enough, time for tea. Tomorrow will be different.
Saturday, March 7, 2020
Bright Line Eating; week 21 in review
Two different scales over the course of three weeks and I am still exactly 211.8. How is that even possible. Offered rhetorically so no question mark. I was a little irritated at first, but really it just slid off my metaphysical shoulder and I was ready to move on before I hit the back door into the house. (I'm still keeping the scale in the garage.) Bright Line Eating is working, and there is no stopping now.
I didn't feel particularly challenged this week, but going back through my journal I do see that I didn't weigh every meal, had birthday cake, and of course the cookies while at my Mom's. So it was definitely a maintenance week, and if I want to continue to lose weight I do need to pay closer attention to the details. I ate less meat and more beans, so that's a good thing. And I did see my knee caps Wednesday, and noticed my biceps are looking much better as I was braiding my hair in front of the bathroom mirror. Looking in the mirror is a big change in and of it'self - that's not something I normally do in an attempt to deny what I have let myself become.
And really I feel smaller today. And I felt smaller yesterday - the girls took a picture of my hair as a keepsake as I'm intending to have it cut tomorrow and I noticed in the picture that the view from behind wasn't as horrible as I expected. I saw a definite difference in my body shape and was encouraged by the sight. If I can figure out how to get the picture from my phone to the computer I may even upload it. later.
Which all amounts to me thinking of the week as another success, even if I didn't see a change on the scale. I know from lots of reading that hitting a small plateau at 20 pounds is perfectly normal, and I have a very positive attitude about the coming week and being sure I am prepared each day with meals I have weighed and eating fewer meals that fall into the maintenance category. Because while I am not pressing myself for quick results, I do want to continue to lose weight - after all I have about 60 pounds to go! At the very least.
(b) eggs over easy on sprouted grain toast, half a large banana
(l) roasted veggies with a mix of tofu & hamburger (leftovers), small pear
(d) baked beans, roasted veggies, green salad
I took left over baked beans out of the fridge last night so I wouldn't have to cook today. R and I are working on cleaning out A's room - she is 11 after all and I guess that is all the explanation that is required here.
So my lunch break is over, laundry is ongoing as are the weekly chores. I love being home puttering and catching up on tv shows and being on my own timetable. Saturdays rock.
Friday, March 6, 2020
From Grouch to Grateful
I was very disappointed at work today, no praise or encouraging words at my review, and my mood was glum. But I am part of a great team, and each in their own way made me feel better and enabled me to focus on the positive and put aside my resentment towards my boss. I know we're doing a great job even if it's beyond him to show recognition.
I didn't eat my feelings either. I had my lunch, I didn't walk with the girls down to the frozen yogurt store (really I should have gone for the fresh air but didn't trust my hips to walk so far) and then after work I didn't drive through for a Friday post review treat. I drove home planning on the way exactly what I was going to have for dinner. And it's a tribute to the BLE plan and my experience that I can roll with the changes because I arrived home to the family prepping hamburgers for dinner. Easy peasy to swap out the beans in my salad for a cheeseburger, and switch out the veggies for red onion, pickles and tomatoes.
So I'm over my snit, my stomach full of dinner and my head full of the latest boot camp module about insanity. And it was a very valid point she was making; insanity isn't just doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. It's also finding something that works and then stopping to try something different. I can see why she would insert that topic towards the end of boot camp. I am sure that for some the boot camp is their first experience with BLE, and her encouragement to keep on truckin' probably needed to be heard by someone. But I'm into what, my sixth month? And I'm good with sticking to what's working.
(b) sprouted toast, breakfast sausage,
(l) bean soup, knockwurst, orange
(d) cheeseburger salad
C wants to go 'uppity uppity' again so I am off to bounce a small child. It's really a good workout for me. I sit back far enough from the edge of the bed so my calves are on the edge. He holds my hands and stands on my feet, then I start bouncing him up and down. He loves to go high and I have to pay very close attention that he has his balance and is paying attention so he doesn't slip. Of course sometimes he does and we both cry, "baby falling!" as I help him in a controlled fall to the ground.
It is fun, this being a grandmother thing, and I am so grateful for every day that I am stronger and better able to play. Life is good.
I didn't eat my feelings either. I had my lunch, I didn't walk with the girls down to the frozen yogurt store (really I should have gone for the fresh air but didn't trust my hips to walk so far) and then after work I didn't drive through for a Friday post review treat. I drove home planning on the way exactly what I was going to have for dinner. And it's a tribute to the BLE plan and my experience that I can roll with the changes because I arrived home to the family prepping hamburgers for dinner. Easy peasy to swap out the beans in my salad for a cheeseburger, and switch out the veggies for red onion, pickles and tomatoes.
So I'm over my snit, my stomach full of dinner and my head full of the latest boot camp module about insanity. And it was a very valid point she was making; insanity isn't just doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. It's also finding something that works and then stopping to try something different. I can see why she would insert that topic towards the end of boot camp. I am sure that for some the boot camp is their first experience with BLE, and her encouragement to keep on truckin' probably needed to be heard by someone. But I'm into what, my sixth month? And I'm good with sticking to what's working.
(b) sprouted toast, breakfast sausage,
(l) bean soup, knockwurst, orange
(d) cheeseburger salad
C wants to go 'uppity uppity' again so I am off to bounce a small child. It's really a good workout for me. I sit back far enough from the edge of the bed so my calves are on the edge. He holds my hands and stands on my feet, then I start bouncing him up and down. He loves to go high and I have to pay very close attention that he has his balance and is paying attention so he doesn't slip. Of course sometimes he does and we both cry, "baby falling!" as I help him in a controlled fall to the ground.
It is fun, this being a grandmother thing, and I am so grateful for every day that I am stronger and better able to play. Life is good.
Thursday, March 5, 2020
Of Cacao and Cabbage
I picked a vlog by Susan P. Thompson this evening about eating Raw Cacao. I have in the past added in the occasional square of dark chocolate as a treat in the evening, but after listening to this I may not be as ready to do so in the future. Interesting listening and I'm posting this as a reminder to my future self.
I wondered this evening while chomping away at my cabbage salad as to how much cabbage had to be in a green salad before it can be called coleslaw. After a quick google I decided it wasn't a very interesting question.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, grapes
(l) smoked gouda chicken sausage, green beans with onions & bacon, blackberries
(d) Coleslaw, lentils
I never went back for my roasted veggies at dinner, but the lentils were cooked in tomatoes, onions and chilies so I guess that counts. I think I have one bowl of bean soup to take to work for lunch tomorrow, and then if I can't muster the energy to cook dinner I can have lentils again. I do have roasted veggies packed up in the fridge.
Tomorrow is Friday, and as always I am so very glad. Mostly. I need to go back to Lowes and look at different washers and dryers; I am just not happy with the ones I purchased and I am not looking forward to exchanging them. But I cannot bear listening to the sounds this machine makes; life is too short to be irritated at some point in every day.
The office girls surprised me with a white hyacinth bulb today; I hadn't let them know it was my birthday but they found out. It wasn't a secret, Mondays are always crazy busy, and that was the day my sciatica had flared up and I left early. It was nice to be thought of, and I am so thankful things are running smoothly again.
Time to do a quick clean up in the kitchen then take my tea to bed. One more day until I weigh again. Always a little anxiety about that, but I will say it was exciting to notice that I could see my knees a s I was sitting in the dentist's chair yesterday. My knees have been round for so long it was like saying hello to some old friends! So I am hoping to see a loss, but will at least have something else to gauge some success if I don't.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
I wondered this evening while chomping away at my cabbage salad as to how much cabbage had to be in a green salad before it can be called coleslaw. After a quick google I decided it wasn't a very interesting question.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, grapes
(l) smoked gouda chicken sausage, green beans with onions & bacon, blackberries
(d) Coleslaw, lentils
I never went back for my roasted veggies at dinner, but the lentils were cooked in tomatoes, onions and chilies so I guess that counts. I think I have one bowl of bean soup to take to work for lunch tomorrow, and then if I can't muster the energy to cook dinner I can have lentils again. I do have roasted veggies packed up in the fridge.
Tomorrow is Friday, and as always I am so very glad. Mostly. I need to go back to Lowes and look at different washers and dryers; I am just not happy with the ones I purchased and I am not looking forward to exchanging them. But I cannot bear listening to the sounds this machine makes; life is too short to be irritated at some point in every day.
The office girls surprised me with a white hyacinth bulb today; I hadn't let them know it was my birthday but they found out. It wasn't a secret, Mondays are always crazy busy, and that was the day my sciatica had flared up and I left early. It was nice to be thought of, and I am so thankful things are running smoothly again.
Time to do a quick clean up in the kitchen then take my tea to bed. One more day until I weigh again. Always a little anxiety about that, but I will say it was exciting to notice that I could see my knees a s I was sitting in the dentist's chair yesterday. My knees have been round for so long it was like saying hello to some old friends! So I am hoping to see a loss, but will at least have something else to gauge some success if I don't.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
Stuffed and thinking about it
Being forgetful can be a problem sometimes, or at the very least challenging. Today a bank who is wooing us for business brought by lunch for the on-site team at work; currently there are four of us in the office regularly. He was very thoughtful and had us order in to the local deli so he could pick it up and deliver it to us. Awesome, right? But the soup today was Chicken Noodle, so no, and I opted for a salad with Bleu Cheese. It was delicious. Too much fat for sure in the big crumbles of cheese, but lots of fresh red peppers, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, carrots and mushrooms.
I had it all planned out, that was my dinner salad, and I would double up on my cooked veggies at dinner. BUT...a lot can happen between good intentions and results. Forgetting I had eaten a salad at lunch until I was half way through my dinner salad isn't really a big deal; a vegetable is a vegetable after all. And lord knows I've been slighting myself on salads in recent weeks.
But that's not what I was getting to at all, that whole rant is just a side bar because the reason I am so stuffed is because of the tofu. This is the first time I have cooked tofu for dinner since starting BLE, and while I was surprised by how much 6oz is, I figured it would be 'light'. No. Not light at all. This was extra firm tofu that is stretching out my tummy to an almost uncomfortable degree. I also had a starch in my roasted veggies (sweet potatoe) so another filling portion that is contributing I am sure.
At least now I know what to eat if I want to be sure I am full. Of course, that is the nature of my food addiction - to eat until I am so full I can pass out, or feel sedated, or disappear - whatever. So maybe I need to be wary of this, and cut back to 4oz next time as with other proteins. It will be interesting biologically to see how fast this feeling dissipates.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) Garden Salad, bleu cheese
(d) Tofu, salad, roasted veg (sweet potatoe, onions, carrots)
While I was picking up the aforementioned tofu at the store I found myself falling back into an old bad habit of critiquing the contents of other's grocery carts. I mean really, who am I to judge. But it is interesting to see the mix of food that people buy, and what it says about them. I will say that it seems like I see more whole foods that when I started playing this little game back in 2010 or so when I was eating for nutrition.
I also picked up blackberries, green grapes and bananas. I think my banana a day habit has really helped with reducing my charlie horses - I can't remember the last time a calf seized up on me. Amazing what a little nutrition can do! But I didn't see any meat I wanted to buy, and I will be out of protein again tomorrow. Maybe it's time to review my options and check out some online recipes for Bright Lines meal ideas. Or maybe just cave and make my favorite meatballs.
That's an idea, I'll google vegetarian meatballs and see what I get! I guess it's the combination of the warming weather and once again becoming conscious of how awful animal farming is that is driving me more and more often of late. This past week I cut back to one vegetarian meal a day, and I have a feeling that will be the trend for the summer. Hopefully I will be back to vegetarian by Summer.
I can see it now, a summer of swimming, salads, and maybe even a bit of a tan. Whoo hoo.
I had it all planned out, that was my dinner salad, and I would double up on my cooked veggies at dinner. BUT...a lot can happen between good intentions and results. Forgetting I had eaten a salad at lunch until I was half way through my dinner salad isn't really a big deal; a vegetable is a vegetable after all. And lord knows I've been slighting myself on salads in recent weeks.
But that's not what I was getting to at all, that whole rant is just a side bar because the reason I am so stuffed is because of the tofu. This is the first time I have cooked tofu for dinner since starting BLE, and while I was surprised by how much 6oz is, I figured it would be 'light'. No. Not light at all. This was extra firm tofu that is stretching out my tummy to an almost uncomfortable degree. I also had a starch in my roasted veggies (sweet potatoe) so another filling portion that is contributing I am sure.
At least now I know what to eat if I want to be sure I am full. Of course, that is the nature of my food addiction - to eat until I am so full I can pass out, or feel sedated, or disappear - whatever. So maybe I need to be wary of this, and cut back to 4oz next time as with other proteins. It will be interesting biologically to see how fast this feeling dissipates.
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) Garden Salad, bleu cheese
(d) Tofu, salad, roasted veg (sweet potatoe, onions, carrots)
While I was picking up the aforementioned tofu at the store I found myself falling back into an old bad habit of critiquing the contents of other's grocery carts. I mean really, who am I to judge. But it is interesting to see the mix of food that people buy, and what it says about them. I will say that it seems like I see more whole foods that when I started playing this little game back in 2010 or so when I was eating for nutrition.
I also picked up blackberries, green grapes and bananas. I think my banana a day habit has really helped with reducing my charlie horses - I can't remember the last time a calf seized up on me. Amazing what a little nutrition can do! But I didn't see any meat I wanted to buy, and I will be out of protein again tomorrow. Maybe it's time to review my options and check out some online recipes for Bright Lines meal ideas. Or maybe just cave and make my favorite meatballs.
That's an idea, I'll google vegetarian meatballs and see what I get! I guess it's the combination of the warming weather and once again becoming conscious of how awful animal farming is that is driving me more and more often of late. This past week I cut back to one vegetarian meal a day, and I have a feeling that will be the trend for the summer. Hopefully I will be back to vegetarian by Summer.
I can see it now, a summer of swimming, salads, and maybe even a bit of a tan. Whoo hoo.
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
Birthday Cake
Yesterday was my Birthday, and I am officially part of the Medicare crowd. I can hardly wait for my first paycheque to admire the difference. It won't be much, but it will be enough to make a difference in our day to day lives.
A made a beautiful pineapple upside down cake and we all decided it was delicious. I had come home early from work, what I think of as my sciatica pain having driven me out of my office chair for the day, and she was baking when I arrived home. The rest of the day was Bright Line meals as usual, and it was a lovely ordinary day in all other aspects as well.
I listened to Susan's latest blogs yesterday, one of them an interview with a young man who is doing well on BLE. His story is scary, and I thank the heavens that as big as I had become, for me BLE wasn't a do or die solution as it is for him. And while I admire his dedication to strictly following the plan, I am still not motivated to do likewise. i.e., I didn't measure the salad dressing I made this evening. It just isn't going to happen. Not yet anyway. Maybe never. But it is definitely something I can pay attention to when and if my weight loss stalls.
In the meantime my sometimes maintenance, sometimes weight loss approach is working well enough. I'm more interested in a calm steady loss than riding the ups and downs of trying too hard and giving up. I guess it's good to know myself?
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) roasted onions, green beans & bacon with smoked gouda chicken sausage
(d) bean soup, cabbage salad
I'm hoping for something good to watch on tv tonght, but I have a feeling I will be disappointed. I'm just not finding much interesting lately, and I don't know if it's my demographic or experience that is causing the disconnect. No new stories and all that.
Time for tea and to rest my back.
A made a beautiful pineapple upside down cake and we all decided it was delicious. I had come home early from work, what I think of as my sciatica pain having driven me out of my office chair for the day, and she was baking when I arrived home. The rest of the day was Bright Line meals as usual, and it was a lovely ordinary day in all other aspects as well.
I listened to Susan's latest blogs yesterday, one of them an interview with a young man who is doing well on BLE. His story is scary, and I thank the heavens that as big as I had become, for me BLE wasn't a do or die solution as it is for him. And while I admire his dedication to strictly following the plan, I am still not motivated to do likewise. i.e., I didn't measure the salad dressing I made this evening. It just isn't going to happen. Not yet anyway. Maybe never. But it is definitely something I can pay attention to when and if my weight loss stalls.
In the meantime my sometimes maintenance, sometimes weight loss approach is working well enough. I'm more interested in a calm steady loss than riding the ups and downs of trying too hard and giving up. I guess it's good to know myself?
(b) breakfast sausage, triscuits, banana
(l) roasted onions, green beans & bacon with smoked gouda chicken sausage
(d) bean soup, cabbage salad
I'm hoping for something good to watch on tv tonght, but I have a feeling I will be disappointed. I'm just not finding much interesting lately, and I don't know if it's my demographic or experience that is causing the disconnect. No new stories and all that.
Time for tea and to rest my back.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
Bean Soup and a Migraine
Our imperfect produce order last week included some chicken and smoked Gouda cheese sausages, and I roasted them this morning with onions and green beans. Four meals done. Right now I have dried great northern beans coming up to pressure in the instant pot with a bunch of diced yellow onions, two bay leaves and a quart of organic chicken stock. When done, I'll prep veggies while the instant pot is on 'natural release', and then the veggies will go in with the beans and come up to pressure for another 7 minutes. Easy peasy and at least four more meals ready to go for the week. I don't know the ratio, but google seems to think my cup of dried beans will be four servings. I haven't scoured the fridge for veggies yet, but I know I have zucchini and cauliflower to use up, and a butternut squash. There's a trifecta of nutrition for you; onions, beans and squash.
I couldn't sleep last night and finished up the ice cream from the freezer. My bad, but not totally unexpected after my waxing so positive yesterday; typical backlash behavior for me. Anyway, I lay in bed feeling physically ill, and this morning at 8am I was greeted by an occular migraine. Generally speaking this will put me in bed this afternoon so I tried to get my cooking done early today.
I am back on track this morning, and anxious to feel the calm and well being of being back on plan with Bright Lines intact. (Birthday tomorrow,...just sayin'.)
(b) cooked grains, grapes
(l) left over pork chop, green beans & onions cooked with bacon
(d) bean soup, cabbage salad
I'm thinking that it's a good thing I sleep alone, but 'wind' hasn't really been an issue since cutting out flour and sugar. Interesting, hadn't thought about it before.
C is sitting with me watching PJ Masks and munching on raw sweet potatoe and drinking ice water. lol, we should all be so healthy! He was so good yesterday and last night while his parent were gone. His sister was also beyond reproach; so loving and playful with him - best big sister ever indeed.
Everyone but C is a little tired today, and as soon as he settles down for a nap I think the rest of us will too. I will have enough meals ready so no grocery store this weekend. But I do have a bit of a mess to clean up in the kitchen after my earlier foray into cooking. I fantasize about having live in help to cook, clean, and do laundry, but it doesn't really look like that's going to happen. Not in this lifetime anyway.
We've had a hint of Spring lately, and this cold cold day is a reminder that winter still has us in it's grip. I am looking forward to cuddling up with a cozy blanket for a nap and feasting on rich bean soup for dinner. But first C has decided we are playing a game of finding Dory.
And as soon as I think what a perfect day, I miss Joey, and feel guilty. But I won't dwell on that. I have a grandson waiting on me. I am blessed.
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