Up almost two pounds this morning. I'm disappointed in myself, but also completely aware that it was all me. Not sticking to the plan, letting my saboteur insinuate herself into my daily life in small ways that have added up to me straying from my Bright Lines. I think on Susan having mentioned many many times over that it took her years to figure it out, and that we have lots of work to do, that this is not an easy thing, but a worthwhile thing. I still believe her, and in myself, and the cupcake I had last night was for now the last straw. I am re-motivated this morning to get back on plan, to go back to weighing everything like I did the first few months, and to not skip salads.
If you don't follow the plan, it doesn't work. Go figure.
Which brings me to the 'meat' balls I made while I was off work Thursday. I spent so much time and energy on making something that was in my mind a healthy protein option. But I didn't take the time to actually calculate the protein. And I used oats in the mix - there is no grain at lunch or dinner- and lots of veggies which is great, but no way to tell what the proportions actually are for cooked veggies and protein. And the plan is designed to make sure we get the energy our bodies need at the right times so our brain and digestion and feedback systems are working together correctly. So not a good decision to have made that at all. I guess I'll just keep them in the freezer for back up? I don't think I can throw away good food.
Why I started veering off towards 'nutrition' and taking less seriously my Bright Line Eating I don't know. Maybe a little arrogance at having lost 20 pounds coupled with my saboteur making me think I know best? Or better? Not an uncommon phenomenon, but frustrating to be only human and not perfect. Of course if that were the case I wouldn't be here complaining and trying to figure things out in the first place.
Ultimately the week in review is about me just not following the plan. I almost wrote 'enough'. Not following the plan enough. See, I still think I can cheat the system and still lose weight. Which did work for awhile, but I think now that I do need to pay closer attention if I want to continue seeing results. I rarely measure my fat, and just use it to cook as needed, so that is a big 'cheat' even though I never promised myself a bright line for quantities. And of course skipping salads because I'm too tired by the end of the day. I'm sure that was a contributing factor in last weeks fail.
What I did promise were bright lines for Flour, Sugar, and Snacking. And that was working for me, albeit slower than others in the boot camp. But I think that breaking those lines for holidays and my birthday, while not seemingly so at the time, were chinks in my armour; places the saboteur could sneak in and wreak havoc. As did boot camp it'self. I don't do well under pressure, and I rebelled from the beginning, so I'm glad it's over. But I'm also glad that I still have access to all of the modules and videos for reference and reminders - I did learn from them, and enjoyed listening to Susan explain things.
Next week will be my sixth month, and my last Bright Line review of the week. I'm sure BLE will still factor into my writing for a long time, but I think I will go back to logging my food in my paper journal. Another fail on my part, I had slipped away from journaling the night before since I was recording my food here the next day. Even though I knew the night before what I would be eating the next day, that isn't the same as writing it down and committing to it.
Life is always a work in progress, right? And I do feel like I am making progress, and have learned from this latest batch of mistakes. So onward and downward with more Bright Line Eating!
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