This past week was challenging, not just for me but for the world, and I've been busy adjusting to our new reality. But first my Bright Line Eating review. I think that every night I had a midnight snack of Girl Scout Cookies. I didn't fight too hard, but most nights kept to a serving of five cookies; Trefoils or Thin Mints. My weight yesterday morning was back up a half a pound, so I am holding steady at 20 pounds lost. I should be happy with maintaining this loss, but as usual I am a little disappointed in myself. For not following the plan, for all of the little ways I gave up on myself during the week.
All that being said, I have not given up on myself or Bright Line Eating. Instead I see that the midnight forays into the kitchen are a result of my addiction, and the resulting lack of will power reinforces the notion that I do actually need to stop eating any flour or sugar whatsoever or I become susceptible to the machinations of my saboteur.
This next week will be my last reviewing the plan; I think 24 weeks is long enough to spend time on evaluating Bright Line Eating. Learning to live without flour, sugar, and snacking is a work in progress, and I know that there will be lows and highs because that is the way life works. And all told this is working for me and I will continue following the plan. I think I am still enjoying the benefits of the first 20 I pounds lost, and have just slid into a sense of complacency and a testing of my addiction to a certain degree. Learning that I can disagree with that inner voice, and stand up for what I know is the next right thing, is my goal for the next six months.
I am looking forward to next week, now that we have settled into our Shelter in Place routine. Yesterday I picked up my task chair from the office, and reorganized my small bedroom to fit in a workstation. I sort of feel like I will be working/sleeping in a closet, but really I don't mind. As a co-worker remarked on a conference call last week, "What, stay at home? I was born for this, not a problem!" Or something like that. She is a fellow hermit.
We have the grocery essentials in place, and I will be able to stick to my bright lines now that the anxiety level has reduced somewhat. Our Imperfect Produce order arrived Friday with canned beans & tomatoes, fruit and veggies, and I picked up lettuce at the grocery store yesterday. I had been stocking up on triscuits as they had been on sale the past couple of weeks, and I have steel cut oats for breakfast the other mornings. Speaking of which, it was really nice to have oatmeal most mornings last week, and mixing it with fruit and nuts. I am going to try measuring out half my oatmeal serving, using PB as the protein and berries for the fruit, and then scooping it up with half a serving of triscuits; crackers with PB & jam, no?
Anyway, I still have lots to listen to on Susan's vlogs, and all of my reference modules from the boot camp, so lots of support going forward on this journey. And I'm sure I will be compelled to still write about it ad nauseum as I struggle and celebrate. Hopefully more of the latter and less of the former. I think the reason I stopped writing a year or so ago was just being so sick of listening to myself whine. Hopefully I can take note from that and go back to focusing on the positive, something I really need to do in the current social climate. Something that was once second nature to me; playing the Pollyanna game.
Stay safe everyone; we can accomplish great things together.
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