Yesterday I took a hard look at how I am doing Bright Line Eating, and called myself out for customizing the pan a little too much. And all of that was valid. But I was so focused on the weight, I forgot about the reality of how quickly our bodies respond to life. I weighed myself again this morning because the scale was back in the bathroom. The forecast of rain had prompted me to bring it in from the garage on Friday so I would be sure to weigh Saturday morning, rain or shine. I could not resist the temptation to weigh, and see if yesterday's number was 'real'.
Of course it was real, in that moment.
I was so disappointed in the number I focused on the plan and my shortcomings instead of the knowledge that our weight fluctuates day by day naturally. I had fast food on Friday, and probably wasn't drinking enough water because it's cold and wet outside. All contributing factors that I may have given a nod to but without their due consideration of their place in my day to day reality.
211.4 I don't think I've seen this number since 2012 when I started my current job eight years ago; I was 210 then. I had lost about 50 pounds while eating for nutrition a few years before that while out of work and having time to prep thousands of pounds of vegetables. But going back to work at Open Heart Kitchen had exposed me to thousands of pounds of day old bakery items, and it hadn't take me long to gain back the weight. Looking back now I see how my food addiction to flour & sugar was set back in motion by the sight and smells of all of the bakery donations. That probably led to the fast food; my other part time job was driving all over the Bay Area doing project management and it was convenient to drive through for lunches. What a clusterfuck. I should be thankful I never saw 300 pounds given this situational conundrum. I probably would have if Open Heart hadn't also kept me on my feet working my ass off half the day. Language!
So back to the scale, I 'really' lost a half pound last week instead of gaining almost 2. Seriously? How can I give credence to this morning's number and discount yesterday's when I have just explained how fickle the scale is day by day? Scale Wars indeed. Mostly played out in the head, with one of the contenders being the inner Saboteur; a Lobbyist for our Addiction. But a war takes two to play, and I am not without skills. I feel my bright lines against flour and sugar while not 100% intact, still have started the healing process, and my brain was clear enough and my will strong enough to not just react but to think and analyze and decide to do the next right thing. Get back on plan.
This morning I feel that I won yesterday's battle at the scale. Instead of giving up I refocused on what I know works. Instead of eating birthday cake (C's) I reviewed how I had been eating and rededicated myself to drawing Bright Lines that are strong and steady. Bright Lines that can protect me from stupid or harmful choices. Bright Lines that are the slayers of food addiction.
------------------break to read Dragons Love Tacos with C -------------------
I am happy this morning to have seen the new number on the scale, and I am feeling strong from yesterday's come to church meeting with myself. Yesterday was the first truly clean eating day I have had in a while, and I felt good going to bed last night. Such a better way to feel about oneself than disappointed, don't you think?
The challenge? To remember all of this the next time I am discouraged by the stupid little number on the scale.
No comments:
Post a Comment