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Saturday, October 25, 2014

Pumpkin Pancakes - the good and the frustrating

Trader Joe's has pumpkin everything right now. Very tempting. So I picked up a box of Pumpkin Pancake mix to make a warm cozy breakfast on what was suppose to be a rainy Saturday morning. The rain arrived as promised, and I mixed up a batch of pancakes. The whole box so there would be leftovers to freeze and toast later for easy weekday breakfasts for A.

At Peertrainer I had decided to dust off my old tracking spreadsheet to guide me back to better choices. This morning for instance, the pancakes were especially delicious as I had added in a quarter cup of freshly ground pecans to make their texture more like the 'harvest grain' pancakes from IHOP. Were they the best choice I could have made?

Here is the label from the box of pancake mix. I have tried plugging in the numbers by percentage, by listed grams, by listed calories - nothing adds up to the 300 calories per serving noted for the prepared pancakes.

Can you? Keep in mind that my spreadsheet is intended to calculate grams of macronutrients by their calories (Px4, Cx4, Fx9) to get the caloric result. I haven't trusted labels in a long time. If you don't know why click HERE

Finally I read the small print and used the figures from there and ended up at least close to the 300 calories listed as a serving of pancakes. And here are the figures plugged into my spreadsheet that is set up to keep me within a certain range of macronutrient percentages to encourage nutrition. My goal notated as calories is the top row in green.

The calories on my tracking sheet are based on these percentages:
Plant Protein 10%
Unprocessed carbs 65%
Healthy Fat 25%

This is my sweet spot where I feel good, lose weight and have energy. This is years of research, trial and error, and personal experience. For me this works. 

So what is wrong with these pancakes?  33% Fat for starters, that is just the unhealthy butter, I forgot to factor in  my ground pecans. The protein is too high and with them being pumpkin pancakes I would have expected more fiber. (I'll have to be careful later about the lunch of leftover beans I have planned - it's going to push me over the top.)

THIS IS WHY WE COOK FROM SCRATCH! That being said it was EASY to mix up the ingredients and as previously noted, they were delicious, smelling and tasting like fall. Which is why we often don't cook from scratch, there are too many seductive products out there that speak to our pleasure centers. I am going back to my 'everything I needed to know I learned from Dumbledore' philosophy! 

Scroll down to number 9 on the list     Then think about making a choice that is not necessarily the one that is easy, but better than that, the choice that is right.

Once again I am reminding myself that if it comes in a box, it may be easy, but it's not the right thing to choose.

Monday, October 20, 2014

The long goodbye

There is a song I had on my mind a couple of years ago, the rendition by Brooks and Dunn of The Long Goodbye. It was the story of me and H; so sad and true and heartbreaking. I would drive and cry and grieve. It's been a year and a half since we separated, and everyday I think of him, of us, of myself in the context of 'why didn't this work?' Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to reconnect last summer - not this one, the one before - but we both felt there was much between us to resolve, and we were missing each other. So the weekend visits began. So innocent, so free, so lacking in commitment or so we pretended.

How could it be so good after being bad enough to split up. How had the rift formed? I blamed myself, I blamed him, I even blamed Joey's death. I had to channel my angst towards someone or something; it couldn't just be a cruel universe at play. And still, everyday the thoughts come and I brush them aside - or try to - depending on what kind of a day it's turning out to be.

I haven't heard from him in a while, and that's as it should be. Despite the fact that there are so many things said and unsaid still between us. I think we haven't said goodbye because neither of us can. I said it doesn't work when we are together and it doesn't work when we're apart. He said he can't imagine telling me if he found someone else.  That was about our last conversation, our last visit, the last time we made love.

Paints a picture for sure, just not a clear one. Which brings me to this afternoon. I am catching up on the new series Gotham. I didn't want to watch it without him, but I finally caved and am now up to date. I think he would love it, or rather, is loving it without me. Maybe watching it with someone he doesn't have the heart to tell me about.

But I feel an unspoken agreement between us, sort of a don't ask, don't tell scenario. Probably this is just the way my heart and mind have justified his silence. That there has to be this dark romantic back story, but again, only in my mind. Not his.

So I won't sign on to facebook to ask him if he's loving Gotham. I won't put him on the spot or start a conversation I am not prepared to finish. I can't help but wonder if it would hurt worse if he didn't answer at all or replied back with something brief, impersonal or just plain disinterested.

So our rift is filling not with the rubble of battle or a lake of tears, but instead it is slowly disappearing into the landscape as a glacier of silence rubs it raw and flattens it out.

I need to stop trying to forget. I need to make new memories. I need to find laughter and fun and some really good wine. Sigh. In a dry house. Damn.

I am not alone, the song is testament to that. But somehow that doesn't help at the moment. Neither does finding this post from two years ago....October 2012

                                                           "The Long Goodbye"

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free
But it sure is hard to do
It sure is hard to do
I know they say if you don't come back again
Then it's meant to be (so they say)
Those words don't pull me through
Cause I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me goin' through the mill
climbin' up a hill

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart
No matter how hard I try
I always make you cry
Come on, baby, it's over?-let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
But I know without a doubt
We turned it inside out
And if we walked away
It would make more sense
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we could still try
How long must we keep running on a carousel
Goin' round and round and never getting anywhere
On a wing and prayer

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart
No matter how hard I try
I always make you cry
Come on, baby, it's over?-let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Saturday, October 18, 2014

A Beautiful Fall Morning

If I felt this way every day upon waking my life would be different. This is one of those rare times when I am clear, happy, ready for anything. Nothing feels overwhelming, and it is very clear to me that everything is possible. The bird chirping outside of my window agrees.

I am listening to the last book of the Twilight series, and as silly as it is, it is not familiar and therefore entertaining. While listening I did a little work in the kitchen, then made juice to break my fast. Cucumber, kale stems, bok choy stalks, lemon, ginger, green apple, half a pear and a small handful of red grapes. Mild and refreshing.  A was up by then and we spent some time working on a halloween picture - we had a lovely discussion about ghosts and practiced making spiderwebs before she added them. What a lovely quiet morning, how I am relishing the feeling of calm, the returned desire to write and share. If not so happy about this gift I could weep for what my life may have been could I wake feeling this sense of normality every day. But I don't, and there it is.

I anticipate a productive weekend, the weather in the 70's at long last after the heat of what I suppose to have been an Indian Summer. We have pumpkins out front ready to carve, and the black and orange halloween tree just needs a new extension cord to be lit up tonight. Hmmmm....maybe this began yesterday afternoon, I seem to have accomplished more that I realised! And a good nights sleep, what a blessing last night was.

Off to enjoy my mood and my family and my world.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Universe ignores the word No

Despite my recent failings I have not regained any pounds, and while that should comfort me I am more focused on my attitude than my weight just now. Half a plate of raw veggies each day raises energy, eating healthy fats lifts depression, making good choices that will feed my soul.

Focusing on the positive today and actively working to kick start a positive energy cycle. No more dwelling on anything else - no names = no power - and filling my thoughts with good good and more good.

Cuz that's how I roll in my dreams.

Peertrainer food log: Click here