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Thursday, March 26, 2015

Some days just don't end well

Another busy day under my belt, all of a sudden there is lots to do and I am happy to have the hours fly past.

Lunch was spent finding a Bday card for my sis, and some chocolate to slip into the envelope. Then driving around talking myself out of any possible bad choice I could make. I wasn't so successful on the way home, stopping for tacos more out of a desire to delay my arrival at home than anything else. I am doing my share to keep positive around M, and knowing he has been home while I have been at work can be trying when I see the chores to be done. But whatever it takes to keep him whole and sane and here for his Fam is what we will do and gladly despite the mini rant.

Just in from mowing the back and bringing out the garbage cans and I am sweaty and beat. I wore one of my two new pair of $10 shoes from Walmart to work today and I am thrilled with how my feet feel. Thin rubber flexible flat soles, wide enough toe box, and a single strap across the top of my foot. Nice looking enough for the office. The second pair look a little like my vibrams, but no toe separation, just a really wide font to the shoe and same thin flexible rubber sole. Those will be Friday\weekend shoes looking more sporty and flashing a trim of orange stripe. Perhaps the Crocs have not been such a great idea as a transition shoe to more natural footwear. It's too early to tell, but my feet are currently happier than usual and I am hopeful.

Thoughts are flickering through my head this evening, one thing after another reminding me of Joey, of H, of my Ex J. What was I to these men in my life? Did being with me change them in any way? For better or worse? I still wonder mostly about Joey and the quality of his life; the balance between what a happy loving creative child he was and the misery he found himself in later. I still don't know what I could have done different at the time. In hindsight I would have paid closer attention to him and less to his father's problems. Wow, that sounded full of blame and bitterness. Have I been harbouring ill feelings without realizing it? Maybe. It no longer matters. Dead is dead.

Going to bed before a case of morbidity consumes my better sense. I'm glad to look forward to another busy work day tomorrow and fine weather for the weekend and getting some much needed yardwork done. I may even indulge in a little more retail therapy and purchase a new weed whacker. One that actually works!

breakfast: decaf, sausage biscuit
lunch: last of the leftover corned beef veggies with a spoonful of organic sour cream and hot sauce
Dinner: 2 tacos, salad with avocado
Snacks: Popcorn, one pot sticker

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