The Luck of the Toss

Today was a struggle. Instigated I am sure by the grief of a coworker on the anniversary of her brother's death, my tears and aching throat were reluctant company on the drive to work this morning knowing I would have to not only face her but offer support and emphathy. I LOVE showing up with swollen eyes, but the privacy of my office and an early start gave me the space and peace I needed to pull it together, and she was okay too - well, mostly we were okay.

Lunchtime was a nice distraction. I'm running point for renting a beach house in Morro Bay for a cousin's wedding and it was fun hearing the excitement in my Mother's voice. From the deck we can walk out on the sand to the ocean, and we are all anticipating the trip with gladness galore. Of course, the last time we stayed down there it was for my Aunt's funeral, and like this trip it was on my daughter's birthday, and I find myself thinking about our family and how it has changed. Joey & Jerry both gone, H not by my side (another kettle of fish, that) and A a much loved and welcome addition.  So much love goes and comes in a lifetime, it's a little overwhelming sometimes. I suppose that is what living in the moment is all about; soak up the love while you can. Learn when it's time to let it go.

Big sigh, but no desire to wax poetic about missing H this evening.

One last note; A just beat me by over 100 points at Yahtzee.  "Grama, how come you aren't lucky enough to get a Yahtzee?" She had rolled two during the game, "You're killing me!" I complained. Then I had to explain what I meant so her feelings weren't hurt. I love these learning moments, when we can practice patience, fairness, good gamesmanship and the art of legible numbers. I'm so proud of her, "Good game, Grama!" she tosses out after learning our scores.

I am hoping her luck follows her, it's a handy friend to have at your side. I hate to think that I haven't been lucky; I know I am in the fortunate half of the world and ever so grateful for that and all of the wonderful things that have come my way. But still, a Yahtzee now and then would be nice in the game of life. And I am sad tonight and missing Joey.