The difference a day makes

I'm struggling today, and it's all my fault. I woke up early and grumpy; I would say the wrong side of the bed if I currently had two sides to my bed. The old crazy took over and I had Raisin Bran cereal for breakfast about 6am. By ten this morning I was crashing and had a string cheese. I held out until 11:20 before making lunch despite the lingering light headed feeling.

I had forgotten how devastating and immediate this feeling is, this need to shove something in my face. It's been a while I guess. But I tried to think before reacting, and hence the string cheese. Just some fat and protein to stabilize. Even after my Bright Line lunch I am a little shaky, but I know I need to power through. Because if the past has taught me anything it is that if I don't gain control now I will be back on a roller coaster of feeling this way. And I don't want to feel this way. It sucks.

I want to feel the way I have for most of the last six month. Stable. I am appreciating this morning how bright line eating has given me freedom from the hyper or hypoglycemia, I can never remember which one it is, that has plagued me on and off for years depending on my eating habits. To have gone so many months in a row without the panic and stuffing of food into my face has been a relief. Albeit one I may have forgotten to appreciate, but I do now, and it should make it easier to rezoom.

My cooking pattern was interrupted by Covid-19, and while I was planning bright line meals daily, I haven't been keeping days of food pre cooked, weighed and measured and ready to eat. So there was nothing automatic about breakfast. Instead I stood there deciding what to eat. Automaticity removes the need for will power. Well, most of it I think. But there I was on manual drive and it did me no favors.

Today I will get a box of triscuits out of the garage, and be better prepared for breakfast tomorrow. I did cook up a batch of veggies yesterday for lunches and dinners, so today I just need to prep some proteins.

I had such a pattern of shopping 2-3 times a week and cooking enough for several days. But mostly I'm not doing the shopping, and it's harder to ask for what I need. I'm better at rambling through the store, seeing what's on sale, and what sparks meal ideas. Time to look up some recipes and plan ahead.

I thought I had adjusted to this 'new normal' but obviously I haven't. But I will.

Speaking of shopping, I stood in the 'Senior Line' at Costco yesterday to buy, of course, Toilet Paper. We haven't found any the last couple of trips out to the regular grocery store so I thought it in our best interest to try Costco. They are so organized and helpful, and I left with what we needed, so I am grateful.

Grateful and apparently rambling. Time to get some fresh air.