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Friday, January 30, 2015

TGIF? Not really

Kaylee and I were early up to greet the quiet grey morning, more like beach than valley weather but that's okay. A cup of TJ's dark roast decaf, a shower, and a quick blow dry and I was ready for the day.  Playing bananagrams as game of solitaire I waited for Mom to rise, and kept an eye on the pooch who was sniffing her way around the house, woofing at dogs passing by the front window, and running back to check on me intermittently.  I know it's Friday, but without a full work week under my belt it is just another day, not a big sigh of relief padded with expectations of the looming weekend.

Toasted muffins for breakfast and a quick update here before tackling the project list.
     Plant a pot of narcissus
     Hang a new family picture in the hallway
     Glue a couple of christmas decorations
     Install a shelf organizer in her bathroom vanity

And I have to admit the Peanut Butter on my muffin was not of a healthy variety, but I knew if I skipped it I would be eating again in an hour. More later.

Kaylee is curled up on the day bed gnawing away on her new little alligator chewie, outside it is raining, and in the kitchen I have some mirepoix slowly sauteing on the stove for bean soup later. We have groceries to make a stir fry on Sunday, with tofu to be marinated in Podder's marinade (equal parts catsup, soy sauce, honey and sherry with some crushed garlic thrown in) and seared until caramelized. Not Superbowl fare, but it will be delicious. Tomorrow we have lunch plans in Ventura with Dee, and I know I won't have the back to chop veggies tomorrow after the driving so Sunday it is.

We lunched at Rubio's; I skipped the veggie burrito (700-900 calories) and opted for the balsamic salad with grilled veggies (240 calories) and added a side of black beans. It was a little too lite and I know I will be hungry before it's time for soup this evening but I am sure I can find something for a snack. But back to lunch. We ate out on the patio it was so nice, and unfortunately I had a clear view of myself reflected in the dark windows of the restaurant. There was so much of me, and it didn't feel fair sitting there eating like a rabbit and looking like a cow. I mean, I know I'm big, but I didn't think I was THAT big. But I am. And I have been very sad all afternoon, lost somewhere inside this fat suit and listening to all the contrary comments contributed by my mother every time I open my mouth. It's not me, it's her, I will remain calm and not take offense. But good grief charlie brown, can I not get a break? Well, I can, and her name is Kaylee, and I would be lost without her this particular trip. It's more than just the weight, I am in a funk and just want to curl up and disappear until it passes.

Time for Jeopardy and Wheel.

Breakfast: Decaff,  whole grain english muffin with PB and J
Lunch:  green salad, fajita veggies, avocado, black beans
Snack: 1/2 large pink lady apple
Dinner:  Homemade veggie bean soup

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