My plan for natural movement today is to get out of the house and go somewhere my eyes can feast. I spent a lot of time yesterday on chores and only left the house to make trips to the garage and back. I need more outside time and am determined to get it. Weird that I should have to force myself to do something I love, and miss, and crave. But that is the nature of what I can only describe as mild depression. I have lived my whole life this way, battling between my inclinations of hermit and nature walker. I hate to bring up H, but him bringing archery into my life was incredible; most archery tournaments are in State Parks and I relished all the green and fresh air and beautiful vistas. Why this isn't enough motivation on it's own to regain my health and fitness so I can once again participate I can only ascribe once again to the blanket that covers me most days to dampen any sort of ambition that may lurk inside my thick skull.
Where to go; water, ocean, delta, mountain - they are all within driving distance and thanks to Mom's christmas check gas money is not the deterrent it might normally be. Maybe I should take my bow to the archery range and just fling some arrows. Maybe. We'll see.
ARGHHHH. First McD's for Decaf to stave off the burgeoning headache, then to Walmart for some more big clothes. Not that I intend for them to fit for long, but I need more comfortable choices so I am not frozen in the morning and feel like I can just get dressed like a normal person and go out into the world. THEN on the way home the wrong song came on and I realized I was bordering on Mania (shopping spree, positive attitude, energy) and that a visit to the bottom would soon follow. I have a love hate relationship with feeling alone. Is it because there is no 'mirror' to gauge myself by? That's so ridiculous. I need to keep moving today and not dwell or let regrets pile up and especially I don't need to send a pity party text! That's even worse than drinking and dialing and I won't do it. I'm not willing to know that door is nailed shut nor do I wish to open it. Blathering aside, I need to DO something so that I will quit thinking. Move move move move move....and a deep breath.
I was able to focus my energy on cleaning out the fridge to make room for fresh veggies, go out for groceries with A, make a batch of fresh juice, and potato soup. I divided the juice into four jars and added a tablespoon of Chia seeds to each one for later consumption. The recipe for the soup is below because it is wonderful. If you like artichokes. Because that is what sun chokes taste like to me.