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Thursday, January 15, 2015

A Day Missed

Yesterday was rather ordinary I guess, though there were some small awful moments in little increments leading up to a nap after work, too many carbs, and a fit-full sleep. I don't feel rested today, am angry with myself about stupid little things, and wishing I could just let go already.

Trying to get through a day feeling normal is hard work, and it shouldn't be so difficult. Sometimes it makes me really angry, but if I let that feeling grow I am more likely to just throw in the towel and head for my addiction of choice - food.

I have dreams & good thoughts, why don't these translate into action? Why am I so stuck inside myself? For some reason I thought I would grow out of this, but apparently that is not going to happen. I am so deathly tired of trying to analyze and fix and fight.

I just want to be happy, why is that so hard? Maybe that is the ultimate question - not why am I here, but, since I have to be here why can't I at least be happy about it?

And how come my keyboard is so filthy?

I may change the name of this blog to 'Perfecting the art of Whining'.

Later: I seem to have calmed down a little. I think it's the pain driving my craziness right now so I am more determined than ever to up my intake of anti-inflammatory foods and start back on the ibuprofen. I made a pot of ginger tea and have had a couple of large mugs this evening. I'll also keep up the omega 3 intake from flax and chia seeds so it can keep working on my brain. I will get through this rough patch without giving up.

I will get lighter, I will have less pain, I will be happier.

Breakfast: Decaf and a biscuit
Lunch:  cruciferous salad,  chick peas, peppers, cauliflower, pepitas and olive oil dressing
Snack:  green juice with chia seeds, raw carrot
Dinner:  potato soup with goat cheese
Snack: mixed nuts

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