Loving the Rice

My love affair with bread is probably well documented. I grew up in a household that had access to a bakery all Summer, and fresh bread was always available. I loved the trips to the grocery store, and getting to pick out a treat from the pastry case, but it was the bread for sandwiches, french toast, bread and butter, and toast and jam that was the real prize. Specifically Sheepherders bread. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water, and I can almost feel how soft it is and how delicious it smells. And the Rye...Sigh. It feels like this is in my genes, this attraction to bread, and if addiction is partially hereditary as scientific studies are showing us, then I come by it honestly.

So my first reaction to Bright Line Eating was a flat no. But even knowing up front that the punch line was going to be no flour & no sugar, I was willing to try. So many of us are in the same boat, desperate for something to work, and ready to jump on the wagon no matter how crazy it may sound. And no bread sounded crazy to me, especially since there are so many options that we think of as more healthy than what was available five and ten years ago; Crazy Dave's instead of Wonder, Sprouted wheat instead of Home Pride. Whole grains and seeds everywhere. But as I mentioned, desperate and ready to try yet one more things to break free of this endless eating, or rarely feeling satisfied no matter how delicious a meal may have been, always ready to eat an hour afterwards. I just wanted it to stop. And I still do.

But it's been almost four weeks, and while the thought of bread is still seductive, I am not missing it as much as I thought I would. I have had triscuits, barley, puffed wild rice cakes, and both white and brown rice either as a side or in soup and it's all very satisfying. And I've barely grazed the ocean of possibilities rice and other whole grains present in this new world of flour addiction.

Today after work I cooked some brown rice in the instant pot, then mixed in a can of diced green chilies, a couple of big handfuls of shredded jack cheese, and chicken stock. I preheated a cast iron pan with a little avocado oil, then tossed the mixture into the pan and threw it in the oven for half an hour. So maybe it was more like stirred and placed, but the result was a crispy crust and flavorful rice that was very satisfying. I had a serving for dinner and packed up baggies of 4oz each for the freezer.  I am looking forward to having eggs over easy on top of one of those portions - yum.  I did that once when I was out of bread and there was left over fried rice in the fridge; it was so delicious I do it on purpose sometimes.

I know there is bread out there I can have, and I know from experience that the Ezekial 4:9 makes excellent grilled cheese sandwiches. But I don't trust myself to have it in the house yet. I don't want to be around the temptation. I imagine buying some with good intentions, and then caving to the temptation to grab some bread and butter in the middle of the night. So I am waiting on that - no bread yet.

Today went well, except I didn't have the will to make a salad tonight and I will regret it when I am hungry later.

(b) cooked oatmeal, PB, banana
(l) chopped salad, pink lady apple
(d) roast chicken, rice, corn on the cob, green grapes (they are really good this year)

Evenings are getting easier. I still miss honey in my last cup of tea for the day - it has been a little treat for so long - and eventually I may do that again. But not now. Sugar is sugar.  And I can be watching tv at ten or so at night and feel hungry and it's okay. I know I'm not going to die if I don't eat anything, and I keep water by my bed and hydrating makes the physical feeling dissipate. But really it's the thought that I am healing my brain that keeps me going, that it isn't about deprivation, it's about healing. It's not about being on a diet, it's about getting better.

I've written many times about the athlete that lives inside of me. I just really want to see if she is still there. If I could take up archery again after I retire from computer work it would be a dream come true.