The day is going well, and has been fairly productive. Laundry is half done, R and I both did Turkey day shopping this morning, and I had a dentist appointment earlier. I made a small dent in my room going through clothes, bagging some up to recycle and washing some winter tops that will fit soon if not right away. I packed back away the XL's, they won't fit yet, but I am wearing an XXL top and it's not too snug. I remember last year and looking at the XXXL tops because the double X's weren't fitting and practically having a melt down in the store. But I shoved my feelings down and probably ate them later - I really don't remember.
I did lose 7 pounds last year after that, eating less fast food and more whole foods. Limiting the times I would drive through for a sausage biscuit and coffee for breakfast and a Star burger for dinner felt like progress and I did see the results of those choices. But it was over a year to shave off those pounds, and it was all about will power and denying myself and no real hope in sight for long term results. Which brings me to today.
I am hungry this afternoon, and again exercising my will power. While I don't get all of the science she presented about how will power works, I do understand her bottom line that we don't have an inexhaustible supply, and that we have tools we can use to replenish what little we do have. I think she said 15 minutes before you are tapped out. Prayer and Meditation are two of the tools, and while I am good at neither I know like with any tool the more you use it the more skilled you can become. And this time there is a plan, and science, and hope. So feeling my insides gurgling, and wanting to eat something, while a little challenging are not the basis of a fight like the donut was yesterday.
I know that in an hour or so I can start prepping dinner, and soon thereafter will be eating a meal that will leave me full and satisfied. And that's a new thing, feeling satisfied. It's really nice to eat a meal and not think about food for hours at a time. I've been getting up to eat in the middle of the night for years; a way to self medicate so I can go back to sleep. Now I may think about eating as it gets on to 9 or 10 at night, but herbal tea does the trick. And I may go stand in the kitchen at 1 or 2 in the morning, but it's not often and I don't search for food - I just stand there a moment then head back to bed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Everything worked out. I started prepping my dinner salad early and then ate it very slowly. By the time I was done it was 4:30 and I heated up my dinner. Eating three meals a day is becoming easier overall, and each time I resist snacking I think it furthers my resolve to stick to that particular Bright Line. I love the idea of my immune system puttering away all night while my body is in it's natural state of fasting. And I appreciate how all of the lines work together; the synergy is beautiful; the fat burns releasing toxins and the immune system works to clear it out of the body. Win, win,.
(b) Eggs over easy on fried rice, a banana
(l) Cottage cheese & diced apples, buttered peas
(d) Turkey meatball stoup, green salad with sunflower seeds
I am ready to turn in for the evening, and my thoughts have turned towards weighing in tomorrow morning. I hate that the scale has so much power over my well being, and that I have had to talk myself out of getting on it several time this past week.. And no matter what the number is I risk being either smug or depressed. I think that perhaps if I have hit ten pounds I will put the scale in the garage for a month and see how that works. I think I can trust the process enough to do that, and it would ease the chatter the scale generates in my brain. I will consider it an act of kindness.
Tomorrow the family is going to see The Cursed Child in San Francisco, and C and I get to hang out. It will be a long day for everyone - they'll be gone over 12 hours. Hopefully C will take a good nap - he didn't today - and we will have fun. I know they will have a blast; we're all such Potter fans.
A big yawn, and it's time to pack it up.
No comments:
Post a Comment