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Monday, May 25, 2015

Sugar Detox Redoux - Day 5/28

It's Memorial Day, but two of us don't feel well and we never spoke of plans to BBQ or recognize the day's passing. I spent the morning in my room going through a box of Joey's things; paperwork to thin out and recycle most of it - his last pair of jeans, plus a hat and a belt to drop off in the donation box later. I need to lighten the burden, and begin clearing out old knick knacks from my room. I need to make space. It almost felt like nesting this morning trying to bring some order to my small corner of chaos.

I did not partake of the coffee cake left on the counter in the kitchen this morning, though I did have a small slice last night.

A trip to the store to buy sandwiches for lunch, and veggies for dinners this week. Some of them are sauteing in red palm oil in the kitchen in one of Mommer's pans as I type, and when softened I'll add quinoa\corn pasta, zucchini, a jar of sauce and a jar of water. First to a boil, then to simmer for 20 minutes and it will be done. An easy one pan dinner with leftovers for the week. More like vegetarian spaghetti soup than anything else really since the ratio of veggies to pasta is inverted, but satisfying. I did splurge on some shaved parmesan for a topper and I am looking forward muchly to dinner.

I have been numb from emotion all day, but I feel I made progress and the room feels lighter. Damn those boys for murdering my son, for taking away R's brother. Big Sigh, on with the day, time for the pity party to wind up. There are tasks to be done for the living; that is where I live, where I am grateful to be, knowing it's only a matter of minutes before A does something to make me smile again.
The pasta was good, it's hard to ruin so simple a dish, and leftovers are in the fridge. I had a little honey in my tea earlier, not much, and no other added sugar for the day. My body is definitely going through some detox or other, my face breaking out and I have been back to being tired yesterday afternoon through all of today. Too tired to weep, to care overmuch about anything, and ready for it to be bedtime. I know the signs - anxious to escape into sleep, my emotions dull and grey. Partly because my physical pain is acting up, but mostly an emotional hangover. I don't have the energy to pretend to be perky or optimistic about much, but I know everything will look different tomorrow or maybe the next day. Rock On.

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