Sadness, and a slight case of snacking

This evening my daughter's MIL passed. It was sudden, and while unexpected, still not a surprise. I have mixed feelings of sadness and relief; she had dementia and diabetes and we couldn't afford the full time care that she needed. Not that she wanted that, the cantankerous old bird (may she rest in peace). I loved her stories, and had gotten to know her a little better the past couple of years since she moved to town to be close to her son. Or rather, since we moved her to town to be taken care of more easily.

I came home from work early to stay with the kidlings while their parents were at hospital, and eventually snacked my way through what was to be my dinner. Stress eating, that's me. I bent my bright line against flour, having some organic ground corn chips - the healthier version of a frito if there is such a thing. Less salt and oil and non-GMO corn. While I wasn't crazy about them, C was and had a few cup fulls while watching his Bubble Guppies who have taken his attention away from Paw Patrol. A nice change.  I'm glad he has something he can disappear into while going through treatment. A and I on the other hand, watched Coco, which we really like.

(b)  vermont cheddar cheese, triscuits, banana
(l)  lasagna, banana
(s)  2nd cuppa decaf coffee with my oat\coconut blend creamer
(d)  4oz beef jerkey, 2oz corn chips, sip of amaretto

So of course now it's bed time and I'm hungrier than usual since I didn't have my salad or cooked veggies at dinner. I am tempted to have a bowl of broccoli salad, but I've made enough exceptions today.

I hold a picture of M's mother in my head, and know I will miss her sense of humour, and how she would kiss me goodbye after dropping off groceries or getting back from an errand. While she rarely said thank you, I knew she appreciated my efforts, and enjoyed my company too.  I don't really have any close friends right now, having isolated myself pretty completely over the past dozen years, and the tears I cry now are tribute to the friendship we had fashioned. Not knowing how to reference each other at introductions, we would just say, "our children are married!"

She was so young, in her 70's, just eight years older than I am. And as R pointed out, a reminder that we need to take care of ourselves. I'm glad I've already started, that I have a few months under my belt.

God I'm tired all of a sudden, and my pillow calls.