How have three days gone by since I sat to complain? At least that is what it feels like, that once again I am just here to complain about my failures, so my incentive to write anything is low. Very low. The idea of listing my broken lines is exhausting, and suffice it to day my days are still Bright while my nights are not.
I stepped on the scale to weigh myself this morning, fearing the worst and hoping to see a number that would scare me back on the straight and Narrow. Lo Battery. That's what I got instead of a number. Was it a sign to stop weighing? Confirmation that I am focusing on the wrong thing?
I posted in my Bright Line Facebook house that I am in need of support, that I am tired of maintaining my weight loss and need some encouragement. I expect that when I sign on later there will be a few 'you got this' comments that will mean practically nothing to me - no one really speaks truth to power there, it's all rainbows and lemon drops so to say. Well, not lemon drops, but you get the drift.
I spent some time this morning portioning out roasted butternut squash and onions; I'll pair them up with some black eyed peas that are bubbling away on the stove and have another couple of meals to store away in the fridge. It kills me that I spend the time to eat right just to screw it all away by eating extra in the middle of the night. All the tools I have get pushed aside one I wake and find myself in the kitchen. It's really exhausting, mentally and physically, and sends me right back to the old sick and tired of being sick and tired infinity loop.
I'm trying to figure out when this happened, this downward spiral, and what instigated it. I have added anti-oxidants and vitamin D to my daily regimen in an effort to counter. I guess what I really need to add are the old tried and trues of flax and spinach. I will try to find the gumption to make that happen soon.
I will.
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