I had forgotten about the planned holiday baking the girls were doing today, so the cooking of my soup will have to wait until tomorrow. Instead for dinner I had a luscious green salad, left over meatballs, and splurged on potato for my vegetable; sneaking potatoes into the microwave was much less intrusive in our small galley kitchen and I do love me some potato.
It will be irritating to go back to work tomorrow after four days off, but I remember I am grateful for my job and the irritation slides off my shoulders; butter off of a hot knife. I'll be able to split my day and work more than usual in the morning since C is going in for treatment. This will also keep my mind off the hospital, and my little grandson being injected with the poison that is saving his life. BIG SIGH.
Tomorrow's food:
B: Oatmeal, pitted fresh cherries, cream cheese, flax, & pecans
L: Sausage, lentils, corn & peas, oranges
D: Black eyed pea\veggie soup - extra veggies instead of salad
The Christmas sugar cookies that were sitting next to me on the dining room table as I pitted cherries this evening didn't really tempt me at all. And they were so pretty, all iced and ready to pack up. They also made gingerbread cookies, fudge, mini-chocolate Bundt cakes, and R is in the kitchen now cooking up a batch of English toffee. Pretty tins are ready to be filled, and a cousin is dropping by tomorrow afternoon to exchange goodies. The ones we receive will live in the garage so they are not on the kitchen counter. While I feel I can withstand the temptation, I am worried it will use up so much will power that it might instigate night eating, so we will take precautions.
Speaking of Christmas, I am missing one shipment that I hope will arrive before Christmas. I can barely imagine the deliveries this year with so many of us ordering presents online due to Covid. And compared to past seasons of giving, we have cut back quite a bit. It's a good thing, we all agree. It's just not the same browsing online as it is meandering through a small shop in town and finding just the right thing for someone on your list.
It was a productive day, and the two tubs and a crate of miscellanea have been sorted, then purged or packed away. I'm a little melancholy this evening, some of the items were memories I could do without. One in particular, the personal inventory my late husband made while in one of his many twelve-step recovery centers, we have plans to burn in the fire pit out back. Or maybe just the fireplace if this cold snap continues. But the history it reveals of how early his drug & alcohol use began, and the continuing use through our marriage and the raising of our kids, is so very disheartening. I mean, I knew he wasn't coming home after work, obviously, but I didn't realize he had been using heroin for fourteen years before we divorced. I thought it was just beer and codeine. But no, that was just the tip of the iceberg that sank us. And really, just beer and codeine? How co-dependent was I???
Deep Breath! Blowing out hard! Feel the pain, let go of the story, embrace a new vision.
I am so grateful for my healthy daughter, for the grandkids that bring love and challenges into my life everyday, and for my SIL working his own program and being present for his family. So very grateful.
So I close on a positive note, and dream of a generation that is not plagued by addiction.
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