I don't know if I would call this an epiphany, but I realized today that my recent bout of anger at the least perceived slight may be an emotional reaction that is part and parcel of the sugar detox. This insight came after repeatedly denying myself the pleasures that the kitchen at work had to offer today. Two big (and I mean bigger than normal) pink pastry boxes filled with an assortment of small tarts, donuts and muffins, three smaller brown pastry boxes filled with scones (some of them glazed) and bottles of orange juice. I did fix myself a cup of fruit from the plate that was also in the array of goodies and it was wonderful; fresh green grapes, pineapple and strawberries. And I did go to Costco at lunch (no pizza or polish dog thank you very much) to pick up a bag of raw nuts (mixed, unsalted) plus a carton of raspberries for A and us to share and a bagged salad mix to keep at work for the rest of the week. Oh, and a hot dog for C and I still didn't order one for myself.
I fought for this victory, through the day and then again off and on during the drive home. Finally stopping at the store for tortillas, jack cheese, canned refried beans and bananas. I ate a banana on the way home to satisfy the hunger and urge to eat, and now I have time to cook up some veggies to go in my burrito for dinner. I think I just needed the tortilla to have something 'bad' since I had said no to so many things over the course of the day. And I know the rest of the Fam will help eat them up so I don't overindulge - they are a processed food after all. As are the canned beans, but I want the creamy fatty tradition beans, not my healthy beans from the freezer that are full of greens. It could be worse, I could be chomping away at a loaf of sourdough spread with butter. But I am not, nor will I be in the near and foreseeable future.
My brain is in a good place today caring about what I put in my body, wheeling and dealing to come up with alternatives in order to keep from making really bad choices. It's nice, I wish I felt this way more often - must be the extra salads and the seeds I am remembering to add daily. Nutrition does matter! Please let this last, please let this last, please let this last; my prayer going up in sparks to the universe.
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Foiled again. The last few bites of leftover cheesecake and strawberry bundt cake were shared by us girls. Now the house is clean again - except for the strawberry ice cream, but frozen fruit does nothing for me and it is safe in it's cardboard container tucked away from the light of the world and my notice.
More drawing, no reading, lots of cuddling with A, and the day is finally winding down. I have chamomile tea steeping at my bedside, Kaylee waiting patiently at the foot of my bed, for a change. Normally I have to move her from being curled up exactly in the middle. The rascal. Not tonight though - maybe she is enjoying the cool air coming in the window after the heat of the day.
I'll count this a good day, most of the battles won and all that, and I'm ready to get up and do it again tomorrow. Let's hope that feeling lasts 'till morning.
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