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Sunday, July 14, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 3/30 or 74/100 or 1/1

What a good day yesterday was - well, up to a point. I could have done without the part where I tripped over a puggle, wrenching hip and shoulder and landing on the tripod of elbows and nose - which went 'crunch' but isn't broken; no black eyes and just a little swelling this morning.

The day began with a walk to the dog park with the pack, and once there we met a very nice man and his two min-pins. Back at home Brunch was a yummy Shape shake, followed by housekeeping and then a walk to the pool and swimming. I baked some gluten\dairy free brownies to take to Bunco (yum), and did the quick fix on the front. (I love having the pots of flowers out there, it's so cheery now.) Right up until I did the canine trip I was enjoying being on my feet all day. This happened just before friends were due to arrive to  go with us to play Bunco so I took a pain pill, chugged a beer, and put a bag of frozen strawberries on my nose and my flat ice pack under my hip. It was rather pathetic limping around all night (in Bunco you rotate tables; it's very social) but at least I wasn't suffering the aches and pains of this  morning. This is the first opportunity I have had to wish I hadn't turned down the heat on the hot tub for the summer. This morning I feel my age; this morning it feels good to sit!

Despite the fall, last night was a lot of fun. Friends came that I hadn't seen in too long, and it was good to have a girls night out. There was a minor interruption in the gayety just as we were getting ready to leave for the party; I discovered some missing silver, and my heart broke a little bit. Cycling first through disbelief and anger and ending up at disappointment I was quick to realize they are just things. That being said I'm not sure there is a way back from this; my capacity for love has been diminished just a little bit, and M will have to move mountains to regain that fraction of my heart. As if he cares -I could weep with frustration were I not so exhausted from it all. But I digress into personal forbidden territory and must leave it at that.

I don't believe I will brave the walk to the pool today, but I might drive down and see if being in the water helps my hip. Assuming I finish my taxes as I must. I hate the procrastination that seems to be my nature. Maybe that's where all my problems stem from - the anger I hold for my shortcomings manifesting as depression. Have I just held myself to a standard too high my whole life? Is that even possible? Shouldn't we always strive for the best we can be? This is the sort of conversation I would love to have over a drink with someone else interested in figuring these types of things out. I miss having such a person in my life.

Before I dip a single toe in the pity pool I will go make tea, enjoy the coolness of the morning, and organize my desk to get started on the taxes. I will not let the small inconveniences of yesterday wreck today; I love that each morning is a new beginning.

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