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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 30/30 or 71/100 or 1/1

I hit a rough patch this evening. Trying to help a four year old with the hose while dragging the trash bins out of the back yard and at the same time keeping three dogs in the back yard I smashed my thumb so hard the nail bit into the skin and began to bleed. Standing at the kitchen sink, two pieces of ice clamped around the offended digit, I began to cry. All the frustration and anger of the past month came flowing out of me in a burst of tears, each one filled with pent up emotions. Later I will have to figure out where all this anger is coming from, but for the moment I was unconsolable. I leaned on my elbows waiting for the pain to subside, feeling like a child helpless in the throes of overwhelming emotion and hurt feelings. ( I live with a four year old, I know what that looks like!)

A perfect ending to a rough 30 day patch. Once the bleeding was under control I sat down to see if H were online. "You there?" I queried. No. He wasn't. So I dried my tears, pulled up my big girl panties, and did a little farming to settle down. I recovered quickly, I had to, A was going to be in any second and I needed to be okay for her. Once she arrived I was back to what passes for normal and then had to comfort her as she saw the bloody paper towel I had pressed around my thumb. The worst part was that I was now in no mood to go swimming and it was her turn to be momentarily devastated. I hate failing her, but there was no way I was walking down to the pool at 8pm on an evening that wasn't hot with a thumb that was. 

Once her mother was home and had things in hand I realized it was day 71 of 100 and that I hadn't weighed in (I didn't want to anyway) or measured. It will have to happen tomorrow. Just very sad and disappointed for a moment. But this too shall pass and in the morning I will be my bright cheery self again, ready to pump myself up, play the Pollyanna game, and head into the next 30 with optimism and good intentions.

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