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Thursday, July 4, 2013

Orenda CleanBurnShape: 23/30 or 64/100 or 1/1

I woke a little groggy this morning having gone to bed later than usual, but once I had visited the loo and opened up the house to cool off I couldn't relax back into sleep mode despite my desire to do just that. Instead my mind drifted to the dream I had just had, which was very interesting - my new love interest had just been revealed to be a mutant (think man sized fire breathing lizard covered with beautiful tats) and my once-upon-a-time sister in law was there - and then once I had mulled all of that over in the luxury of an unhurried morning my thoughts drifted on to the day ahead. All of a sudden I had a picture of the CBS tracking chart I had first posted on the fridge and then neglected to actually use; it had written across the middle of it, "Here there be dragons". No, not really, what it said was an old saying of my grandmothers that has occasion to rear it's ugly head, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." How close to the mark she was!

That led me to thoughts from Gilbert's book Eat Pray Love and the idea that where we go when we leave our bodies is all the same place. The way we get there is the path we take, that we create through our choices. Here is a link, and another one I found of other quotes from the book while trying to find the one I wanted; wait, here it is - quote # 1 on this page!

Wow - rereading all of these brings such strong feelings into me and I can feel my spirit soar. This is the book that helped me the most through Joey's death. I think I read it twice and listened to it another few times, maybe even four. The author reads the audio book and all the inflections are perfect, the intent of the words crystal clear, and she is a great reader with a wonderful story. I strongly suggest listening to this book! lol.

What a great feeling to start the day. While the fourth of July went from a magical day each year as a child to one fraught with stress and drugs and rock and roll as an adult, other than the fireworks I haven't had much use for it since the year the kids and I were almost bashed into by the then drunk husband on his way home to meet us. I was driving the kids to the fireworks by myself because he hadn't made it home in time when he almost careened out of control in his car, just missing us and making the corner we were approaching from the other way. This particular holiday, the 4th of July, died a little death for me that day; I can't begin to  explain the fear, anger and ultimate disappointment that flooded me that evening. Browsing through all of the quotes in the links I found above reminds me this morning that I need to let go. I think today I will do a freedom ritual, I think today I will decide to let go of that particular past.

So what was I saying? Oh yes, what a great feeling to start the day. Positive, full of hope, feeling my inner lioness roar about love and growth and possibilities for heaven on earth in this beautiful world. I'm off to mix up my two batches of Clean and have a juicy ripe nectarine to break my fast on this last day of the current heat wave.

Wait - what was I thinking about before I was so wonderfully sidetracked - my CBS tracking chart.  My vision was of the chart and the block of writing in the middle of it that has recorded my less than stellar performance this past month, but it also showed me the last days (all 36 of them) with marks in every box. I believe I am going to make each and every one of them count as shown to me in this dream. This morning that feeling is so real it may as well have already happened. (Maybe it already has, wink wink.)

Happy Fourth of July!

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