The Split Brain

I spent the early hours of this morning first meditating from the warmth and comfort of my bed, and then listening to a webinar about the split brain. I am such an idiot. Of course I now know that the preceding comment was generated by the left hemisphere (LH) of my brain to explain the emotions of my right hemisphere (RH), and that it has nothing to do with reality because I know that I am in fact NOT an idiot.

Here is a nice little summary page from the webinar. The webinar is on Internal Conflict and, guess what, called the "2am Syndrome". OMG, this is what I have been looking for, and the whole time it was in the bonus materials of my BLE boot camp. Part of the material I just never got around to looking at a year ago.MY BAD!!

And now C wants to go get a donut, and he hasn't had an appetite yet this morning so I am off to oblige him. "As you wish", I tell him. And if you don't know the reference, shame on you.

We are back, and I have left him cheerfully eating his blueberry muffin in front of the tv while he watches Coco Melon so that I may have a few moments to myself and finish this up.

The webinar says that most of us identify with our LH, but looking at the list I feel I relate more to my RH. In anycase, I am not yet to the part where he teaches us how to reconcile our different halves, or personalities, in order to find peace. That is the part I will get to if/when C goes down for his nap today.

It's interesting that this happens on the same morning I decide to forego my meditation bench, and just stay in bed to meditate. I practiced mindful breathing, I chanted my mantra for a bit, I let thoughts pass by and continued to breath. At one point I felt different, I felt a sort of energy bubble form and dissipate within me, and for just that moment I felt ... like I had arrived somewhere. And on the heels of that I thought it was time to get up, and began thinking about what my next course of action might be on this BLE journey. And it came to me, look at the boot camp materials and find the coaching calls by Dr. Joy.  Of course while that was my goal, instead I found this, and it just feels serendipitous that after an attempt to center myself I am led to find another piece of the puzzle that is me. 

Going to the kitchen to prepare some strawberry milk for C, I notice the remnants of his muffin on the cutting board, and wish as I always do that my daytime fortitude would continue into the night. Because during the day there is no question of taking a bit of something that is probably absolutely delicious, while at night I would even eat cardboard in the guise of a brown rice cake just to make my inner demon shut the F up.

My dream and my hope this morning is that by the end of the webinar I will have some more answers, another tool at least, to solve my 2am syndrome. From my lips to god's ears!

And my few minutes are up.