Sometimes I get busy in the morning, and it isn't until logging on the next day that I see I missed a day of journaling. Time is like that, slipping by unnoticed as we navigate our days a minute at a time. I like the notion that time is just a human construct, without much meaning past using it for 9-5 obligations. So this is just another entry into the 'always now' of my life.
This morning's mastermind group was a great conversation, and I wanted to journal around the important ideas that were raised. It was my turn to do parts work, but instead, as I relayed what my week had been like, we had a great conversation. Below are the ideas and questions that I wrote down during the meeting, and that I will continue to journal on and think about during the coming week.
What part is afraid of letting go? I am probably 95% Bright, or more, but my night time snacking is keeping me from being 100%. Is there a part of me that is afraid of success? A part that rebels each time I have a Bright night, and makes sure I snack the next night? Last night was interesting; I had four triscuits about 11:30, telling myself that this was not such a bad thing - just a nod to the compulsion to eat so I could get back to sleep. Then I woke about 2:30, and couldn't sleep for hours, but during that time only once did the idea of eating float across my consciousness. And I immediately shut it down with a response to the voice that no, I'm not doing that. I watched a show on tv, then listened to my book for awhile, until finally dozing off around six to sleep for an hour. So it is possible to say no, I know that, what I don't know is why I can't say no every night. It has been suggested there is a part of me that is afraid of the unknown, afraid of what lies on the other side of my success, so that is a conversation I need to have with myself this coming week.
Don't kill your own light. This is what I am doing each time I break my Bright Lines at night. I am killing the light I should be embracing. This dovetails with the first question, and the subject of my parts work this week.
What if we just trust the plan? Again, about what will happen if we completely surrender to the plan. I know the plan works when I follow all four of the Bright Lines, so trusting the plan just makes sense. Once upon a time I considered myself a person of commonsense, and have been praised for having an abundance of it. Where has it gone? How can I tap into that again? I just need to be my own true self, and trust. More parts work.
Satisfaction is a daily habit, not a goal. That being said, there is nothing to be afraid of if there are no big time goals. No fear of failing, no fear of succeeding, just calm, clear, and collected while going through my daily routines and following the plan. Following the daily habits that will bring me peace. Being true to my own true self, the part of me that is waiting to be healthy and active in a right sized body.
Nothing is crazy; it's being human. G asked me, what if maintaining your initial weight loss is just part of your journey? Doing the work now while maintaining means that upon reaching goal I will be prepared to maintain then. I like that idea, that this past year has been for a purpose, and that I'm not crazy.
HONEST SHARING. This is what we do in the mastermind group; we share our experiences and learn from each other. Lying would be pointless, and we are all past that. We want to grow, and be at peace with ourselves. So they hear my frustration with myself, and I hear that I am not crazy but human. That I have not been failing for a year, but growing. That I am only two feet from the curb, and learning to trust that being in the light is a good thing.
Final notes: Structure keeps food from running the show. (stay on plan) Food takes you away from the present. (live in the now) The way we manage our food and our money is how we live our life. (to thine own self be true)
Lots to think about, and I look forward to a good week with the love and compassion of my group to fortify my thoughts of well being.
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