A Mini Rebellion

I know from experience, years and years of experience, that the harder I try the behinder I get. In other words, the more effort I put into 'doing things right', the stronger the pushback from my rebel. Also, the more energy I put into wanting to do something in particular, the more my perfectionist is activated. Spending a day listening to the split brain webinar, then planning to implement a healing that would finally solve my 2am eating, well, it sparked all sorts of strong emotions and noise from my inner rabble.

That meant that yesterday was full of food chatter, amplified because the family is leaving for three days and I am full of good intentions to do a healing meditation and be bright going forward. And by good intentions I mean strong motivation to do things right, and be perfect going forward. And then the 'what the hell' effect settles in - I mean really, what better time to eat what I want than before finally setting out on my bright path once and for all. And all the time I was having these thoughts there was a little whisper coming from some small place in my mind that hopefully I could depend on my sanity taking reign once the moment arrived to implement the plan. And thank heavens for that. Because my plan was to eat something I shouldn't, something I would miss, something NMF.

I was at the store early this morning, overtly to purchase staples for making meatballs, refried beans, and stewed veggies. But covertly to sneak NMF into the house. At the store I wandered past the bakery on my way to purchase the items on my list. I casually thought that I would come back by at the end of my shopping trip to take a closer look at the offerings. It never happened. I filled my cart with cabbage, bok choy, and red kale. I grabbed bags of onion, apples, peppers and a bunch of bananas. I picked up fruit canned in water, some dark chocolate almond milk for the grandkids, and a slab of ribs to put in the instant pot. Oh, and the list of items needed to prepare a batch of meatballs; beef, pork, poblano pepper, and zucchini.

It wasn't until I was back in the car that I realized I had made it out clean, that I had come away with bags of ingredients to make only Bright Line meals. Nothing to hide, nothing to sneak, nothing to eat off plan.

My hope and my dream for this day is to eat only my Bright meals, to feel good about myself one moment at a time, and to just live just this one day the best I can. Gone are the big plans of healing my split brain, gone is the food chatter about one last splurge, and gone is the anxiety of planning.

It feels like the rebellion was short lived, and not much damage resulted from the break. I will listen to the split brain meditation once the family takes off, do the work, then make my meatballs. Simple, uncomplicated, easy.  Go Me.