This morning I did crawl back into bed, and with the magic we all take for granted, summoned a movie on Netflix. A beautiful but dismal movie with Ralph Fiennes, The Dig, that suited my quiet, inquisitive, nature. At eight I was up to make breakfast, but there was a little man sitting at the table ahead of me while his parents bustled about in the kitchen making him pancakes. As chance would have it, we were both wearing our Christmas pajamas, and after we both spent a minute admiring them I was invited to sit. A quick trip to the kitchen, and we ate a quiet breakfast together. Sort of. The ever present iPad was entertaining him as he ate, while I enjoyed just being there. Really being there. The crunch of my buttered toast, the juicy flavourful sausages, and the bite of the blood orange that graced my plate. Enjoying such a rich and delicious breakfast, I was able to admire C's pancake without envy.
The sky is a field of grey, plowed into rivulets that let through the silver light from the sun, so bright that I cannot do more than glance out my window in admiration before turning back to my screen.
I am grateful this morning for three Bright nights in a row. Thankful that I was able to continue my nightly conversations that are keeping me in bed and out of the kitchen. And hopeful that this new habit will see me on my way down the path of Bright Line Eating that has been stalled for the past year. Focusing on small daily habits is helping, embracing the idea that there really is only now, and spending time each day finding articles that help focus my inner-directives are all activities that are playing a part in this new attitude and work.
Because it is work, in it's own quiet way. Not a parade of grand intentions, but instead a gentle going forth armed with creative tools that have been formed by so many others who have traveled this road before me. Some of them before I was born, but only now coming to my attention in a way meaningful to my own personal journey. What is it they say, when you are ready to learn, a teacher will appear? Something like that.
A small spark of joy ignites within me that after years of struggle, maybe I am finally ready.
What a wonderful thought.
Today's Food:
b) buttered toast, sausages, blood orange
l) meatballs I made yesterday, 'spaghetti' sauce I also made, apple
d) chopped salad w\ red kale, cauliflower, carrots & onions, chick peas, & bleu cheese
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