Crazytown

Well yesterday turned into crazy town around here.  Not having purchased any of the foods I had been tempted by prior to my trip to the store, I was left with food chatter and nothing in the house I really wanted to satisfy the itch. So instead of reaching out for support, I found myself acting out in small petty ways. A small meatball here while weighing out meals. A couple of pieces of flourless raisin bread toast smothered in butter, three truffles, and then a few handfuls of chocolate chips. Not all at once, hours apart, and I never ate a real lunch or dinner because I was full from the snacking.

That may have been the one good thing, learning that my stomach no longer wanted to be bursting full, that a binge to me now is nothing like what it was back in the day. But somehow the memory of what a bad day once looked like is not consoling when I think about my bad behavior yesterday.

This morning I weighed myself, took my vitamins,  ate a Bright breakfast, and swore off news for at least a few hours. But I have a feeling that the stress of not knowing what the latest news is might be just as stressful as watching. I have my precious MMG in a couple of hours, and I know that will help. And my new buddy will be checking in too, and I know that will help.

I have lots of food prep to keep me busy today, as well as a new audio book to  listen to as I take a short walk outside. I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet of the day even as I miss the commotion of my family, and the cuddles of C.  All I wanted yesterday was a good day, and instead it fell into disarray and disappointment. Another double D. I do not want to feel this way again tomorrow.

There is a Bright Line Eating saying; 99% is hard, 100% is freedom. I am living proof of that truth. I know that just a few days of 100% make all the difference in the world. I have everything I need for today to be a 100% day.

Just because I succeed in staying bright, and losing weight, doesn't mean my life will change. It doesn't mean that once in a right sized body I will have to live a big, transformed, life. It just means I will be able to wear comfortable clothes that happen to be cute and dare I say it, flattering. It just means I will be able to better care for my family and myself, and live pain free, and take walks without limping. That's all I want, just a small, simple life.

May the powers that be find this an acceptable wish, and help me in my journey today.