A Bright night. Thank heavens. Well, thank me I guess. Because I did the work. I was hungry at bedtime and wanted to eat. I lay in bed wondering if anyone else in the house was up or if the kitchen was clear. And I stopped. I nipped the idea in the bud. I remembered to pause, and do some deep breathing, and think to myself, "what if I don't give up?" I thought of how good I would feel this morning, and imagined texting my new Bright Line buddy to let her know I had a Bright night.
I woke again around midnight and couldn't go back to sleep. On the way back from the loo I went straight to bed, no detours into the kitchen, and again succeeded in not getting a snack. I visualized my rebel, and imagined her calm and quiet, and let her know I needed to stay in bed and breathe. And we did. Eventually I watched a little Colbert, and listened to a bit of my audio book after that as I was falling asleep.
It felt good to write down a lower number on my daily weight sheet, and to highlight a yellow square in my 100 day chart. These are things I started and wish to finish, I want to know I committed to something and followed through without giving up. Watching myself complete a commitment gets me a step closer to trusting myself. Susan explained that we know ourselves the same way we know others; by watching. One can hardly have self respect if you watch yourself fail over and over.
Another interesting bit I just remembered is that those of us who come from years of trying and failing tend to 'see' ourselves as failures. Seeing myself as a food addict instead of a failure is a step up. Knowing myself to be a food addict in recovery, well that's a whole new ballgame.
God, it's easy to be grandiose on the heels of a Bright night. I will tame it down and just be grateful for the night, and pray I have another at the close of this new Bright day.
Amen
Today's Food:
B: Polenta, chorizo sausages, roasted veggies, egg over easy.
L: Meatballs, cabbage & onions, Apple
D: Veggie Bean soup, green salad w/ cauliflower and bleu cheese dressing
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