Farewell 2019; Hello 2020

I gave myself a New Year's gift and splurged on a Bright Line Eating boot camp. Money is really tight right now, but I really want this to work; I feel like I am on the right track and want the support to follow through and learn everything I can. It was a bit pricey, but they have scholarships available and that made it possible. I hesitated, but Susan's appeal to not let money stand in the way won me over and I registered.

So I'm saying goodbye to not just 2019, but also to food addiction. I'm saying goodbye to struggling with food, and saying hello to the possibility of living Happy, Thin, and Free for the rest of my life. Everything that has gone before is still a part of me, and I know there is more to being happy than being in a right sized body, but I have always thought that is where it would begin. And now I have hope of  a bright future.

I've spent a bit of time last night and again today after work watching the required videos. I have a good start since I've been using the food plan for a few months now and already have my journal and food scale. I'm ready to be a part of something for this first time since I joined the Orenda family, and I have the same positive feeling about this as I did then. I still have the dream to make Orenda my retirement career, but couldn't imagine it in this wreck of a body I've been living in. Now I can.

Today was a little stressful at work, but it never occurred to me to eat any of the cookies that were laying around. I did my work, ate my Bright Line lunch, and then headed home to spend the last night of the year with my family.

(b)  pumpkin custard
(l)  roast, squash, green beans, orange
(d)  ham, squash
(s)  handful of potatoe chips and onion dip
      Jalapeno stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon
      2 deviled eggs

There is a Bright Line against snacking, and I don't feel I really snacked. Rather I ate dinner at 5:30 and had a 4th meal at 8:30. I had thought about it, approved of the menu R had planned instead of our usual New Year's Eve fare of fried prawns and fried poppers, and thought that since I was staying up until Midnight I would just go with it. See, this is why I need the boot camp, I cannot be trusted.

Tomorrow is to be Day One, but really I need to wait and weigh on Sunday. I don't want the scale in the house, and can't imagine getting out to the garage, in the dark, on a weekday morning. I've had a good three days - this evening's snacks aside - and feel it's important for my mental health to stay to my original schedule.

So I'm already making exceptions; maybe that's just the way it has to be right now. But I will succeed, I will heal my brain,  and I will be a better person for it.