Investing in me

Nothing of note to write about. Onc of the office girls mentioned she wished she had my motivation. I wish they would just read Bright Line Eating. Feeding it to them piecemeal really doesn't paint the big beautiful picture you get from reading the book. Not wanting to go into lecture mode about will power and how the brain does or doesn't work, I just said I needed to get better so I could help take care of Cal. What I should have said was that I was tired of always fighting and that I was focused on healing my brain so I could live in peace.

But it's not my job to make them understand, it's my job to take care of myself, to care about myself, to spend my time and energy on investing in my health; body and mind. I feel good when I'm planning what groceries to buy for my meals. I feel good cooking and measuring out meals so that they are ready to go.  And I feel good eating them, knowing I have had just the right amount of food.

Just two more days before I weigh in again. No games about eating less to see a better number, no chatter about what I will or won't have afterwards. It doesn't matter, the answer would be the same either way. Bright Line meals are my goal right now, one day at a time. Getting up in the middle of the night and then going back to bed without a bite of anything is empowering. Driving home without stopping for fast food, even if I am hungry, is empowering. Each next right thing makes me stronger, and I remind myself everyday that it's going to be worth it.

(b)  Ezekiel bread, meatloaf
(l)  Turkey meatballs in spaghetti soup; pear and strawberries
(d)  Roasted butternut squash, carrots & onions, knockwurst

So is my motivation to find out if it really works, this Bright Line Eating? Is it to get into a right sized body no matter how? Is it just the last desperate attempt of a cranky old woman to finally rediscover her inner best self?

Does it really matter? I think not. I think it's just important that I feel I am moving forward and not stagnating in a wretched pity pool. I would rather be here grumbling about how difficult it is sometimes to maintain my bright lines than to be mindlessly eating my way to an early death.

I think I'm needed, or rather , I think my computer is need for some paw patrol.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. I'm beat.