Bright Line Eating; week 11 in review

Writing helps me think. Years ago when I began this blog it was because I felt disconnected. While I wasn't alone in my grief,  it was almost impossible to share how devastated I was over Joey's death. Feelings are everything, so why it is so hard to share them openly and honestly is the great human mystery. So I turned to writing, and did it here to tap into the energy of the world. We all run on the same elemental properties, and my religion is believing that we are all connected through the creation of our universe. That is how prayer works, how communing with nature works, and how we can both center and ground ourselves in this big wide world.

So today I turn here again to write out my feelings, and find some solace through the act of sharing. As with most things it's best to start at the beginning, and this rainy morning that is creeping through the backyard in my slippers to weigh myself in the cold garage. Lights on, sweater off, on the scale, and I'm up half a pound. Grrr...  My brain says, it's okay - fluctuations are expected, there are a million reasons why this is natural. But my heart is pissed. Determined to not derail my progress I brush it off and start the day. Coffee, dishes, grocery list, and off to the store.

The store, where I see a little boy helping his dad carry a basket and my heart breaks all over again. I make it to the car before the crying starts, and on the drive home pull myself together because I cannot walk into the house with red eyes.

Back home I have sausages, celery, onions, spaghetti sauce in the instant pot. Peppers, onions & mushrooms are in the oven. And then everyone but R is off to Church where the children want to give C a present. R and I are alone and I lose it. I love my daughter so much, and forget sometimes that she too hurts, that she too misses not only Joey but her father who passed the year she was married. I lean into her strength; we talk, we cry, we look to the future, and I am on my way to being better.

Whew, so few words to express all of the crazy emotions of the morning. And so much to do. So quickly back to BLE. Overall it was a good week, Bright Lines stayed mostly intact. Last night I sampled some Christmas cookies - more about that later-but feeling stronger and trimmer all the time despite what the scale reported. I'm still glad i'm on this journey to heal my brain, still grateful to be on track to help fulfill Susan B. Thompson's mission to have a million people regain a right sized body and live in it Happy, Thin and Free.