Search This Blog

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Happy Hearts Day

I am truly happy this morning, getting so many hugs from A, beautiful flowers and chocolate from my own sweetie R, and breakfast with the girls. My only regret is that M is missing these moments with them. I wish there was a way to help him realize how precious these days are while A is still young and loving and willing to give so much of herself to us all. But we all have our own paths to walk.  And I can't help but wonder how A would have impacted Joey. Just wonder, not wish, I don't go there.

I remember clearly the Valentines day before he died, the small bags of chocolate hearts I gave to each of the kids, and then two days later how I found what was left of his and kept them for years. There is in fact one still left, nestled in with a bowl of rocks on my wardrobe. Small items that he touched, that prove he was here, that he loved and was loved in return - they break my heart but I can't seem to let them go. There are no rules, no control group, no timeline for grief.

I do love the world, and know that eventually I will love being alive as much as ever I did before D-day; it's just a work in progress - maybe for as long as I live. But better that than never having known him, never having watched him play with his big sister and listened to his giggles, never having felt his strong little arms around my neck. I can still treasure those forever. And more importantly, I can still treasure my daughter and the family she has created, because she makes me possible right now.

No more crying, time to get on with another day. And I have a hot date tonight with A, going down to the Railroad Cafe for an early amazing dinner while her 'rents have a quiet dinner out by themselves.

Breakfast: whole grain toast with butter, pb and apricot jam
2nd Breakfast: Egg over easy on tater tots, 1 slice of bacon, 1 perfectly ripe pear
Lunch:  Greek yogurt with blackberries
Dinner:  prime rib, loaded potatoe, veggie soup
Dessert: half a cherry cobbler

No comments: