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Sunday, February 15, 2015

Briefly dipping my toes in the pity pool

Wanting the energy but not the fast food I opted to brew the decaf tea that is in the cupboard rather than jet through Mickey D's for coffee this morning. It's such a vicious cycle -  wanting energy which would happen if I ate more plants which would give me energy as well as causing weight loss which would also give me more energy. So its easy, just eat more plants and everything will fall into place. Right

To Do List
Clean front bathroom
File this year's taxes
Clean Room
Clean back yard
Refinance house and put a new roof on the house and maybe install a new floor too

But not today, or tomorrow? Or the next day or the next? How long can one procrastinate? Indefinitely I suppose until there are no more days left. That's more than a little sad as a perspective on life - "Oh I always meant to but never got around to it." Lazy? Uninspired? A missing connection in my brain? All the while my inner true self that is trapped by the physical world screaming to just move, to not eat, to be happy. That's a lot of inner turmoil immobilized by a fat suit; no wonder I usually feel a bit crazy, or wackadoodle as I say to A about anyone acting nuts.

Baby steps? Check one thing off the list? Get help? See a therapist? Inside I know I can do anything I set my mind to doing. I am a hard worker for others, not brilliant but not stupid either, and capable of altering my behavior without a scientist. Aren't I? Got I beat myself up so much over what should be simple daily routines, it kills me. And now I find myself blathering nonsense. Ridiculous.

I just want to go back to bed and cuddle with Kaylee.

Boo-Ya! Taxes filed! Brunch dishes washed and I'm out to watch A ride her bike sans training wheels. Second load of laundry in and I'm going to check the movie listings. Or clean the bathroom.

Breakfast: Decaf tea, honey, almond milk, one perfectly ripe pear with a scoop of honey greek yogurt
Brunch: Nuked and cubed  potato scrambled with caramelized red onions and half a bag (4oz) spinach
Lunch:  half a TJ's Mac n Cheese, leftover macadamia nut & coconut bread pudding

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