Starting weight 232.6 Today I was 201.4 for a total of 31.2 pounds lost, and my expectations are that when I weigh in December 1st I will have finally broken through the 200 pound 'barrier'. So yes, I am still considering the 'number' while not exactly still fixating on it. It's a work in progress to divorce oneself from anything (or anyone) and I am gradually moving away from assigning importance to the number on the scale. So it's going to the garage for a month, and when the time comes I will consider whether or not it's coming back inside.
Instead, I have a pile of clothes to return because I bought them too big not realizing I was now a smaller size. And I am enjoying how much easier it is to turn over in bed, and that I can walk longer (usually) with the grands before it becomes painful, and I no longer hate the face that looks back at me from the mirror.
Just a quick note for now, back later to commit food.
Okay, back sooner than anticipated because I am hungry. My body was telling me that it is 3:30pm and time to prep my dinner salad. So I did, but it's only 2:30 because of Daylight Savings. And now I have an hour to kill before I should even think about eating dinner. I like that I have acclimated to eating dinner about 4pm each day, and I never think about eating again until about Midnight. And even then I am not hungry, just mental, and doing better at having longer stretches without indulging in the middle of night. So my normal fasting is between 4pm and about 6:30am when I make my coffee, and breakfast isn't until about an hour after that. So basically I eat each day at approximately 7:30, 11:30, and 4. It's not always the same because I don't use an alarm to wake up. I pretend I am semi-retired and if I want to turn over in the morning and go back to sleep, I do.
Anyway, I have heard that many do better compressing their meal times in similar fashion, and this feels normal to me. I've never been a 'leisurely dine at 8' sort of a girl, and my schedule gives me a nice fasting window (assuming I don't snack in the middle of the night) of about 15 hours.
So now I am in need of distraction and the weather is not conducive to outside chores. While it should be a beautiful Fall day outside, the temperature is 78 and it is slightly smoky from the fires. Rain gutters be dammed! I would rather listen to football or catch part of the Harry Potter marathon. And the weather is going to stay warm all week, and then drop into the 60's. At which point I will have wished I had done the gutters when it was in the 80's. What's the saying? "Can't win for losing?" Then the guilt does a flyby because I know millions would love to have my problems. Maybe that is the part I need to work on with my IFS work, the part of me that feels guilty at the drop of a hat because I am not as good of a person as I feel I should be.
My brain goes to one of my crazy places at that thought, because I really do feel 'put upon' that I need to do any chores at all. Maybe in a former life I could count on the gardener or housekeeper to take care of the rain gutters. I imagine a beautiful house with grand patios and gardens full of wild flowers to wander about in with friends. I guess I really have spent much of my life in books, so maybe it comes from there, but it feels like I have lived that life before, and I become resentful at having to do things for myself even if it's 'for my own good'.
Well that was a strange little tangent. I think I will go mix up some salad dressing so it can be chilling in the fridge along with my salad. And now I'm smiling because R just wandered past my window with her arms full of Halloween skeletons to put away for another year. I think there were about a dozen at last count, ranging in size from a spider to a dog - my favorite might be the parrot but they are all wonderful. Now how does that image reconcile to living a grand life on an estate? Well, easily if you've seen Martha Stewart decorate her ranch. Now that woman is living the life.
I have a feeling it's going to be an early night, so I'll commit my food now in case I don't make it back.
Tomorrow's food:
B: Potatoes, ham & cheese, banana\green grapes
L: Chopped salad, garbanzos, celery, green onion, apple
D: Meatball, corn & green beans, green salad
Note: killing a few more minutes to chat about breakfast. Having left over potatoes in the fridge makes for an easy breakfast, and these were part of a pot roast so they are full of flavour. Chopped up and mixed with an ounce each of ham and cheese, it's warm and creamy and delicious after a quick pop into the microwave. Another perfect breakfast for a cold morning.
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