A Bright Night

 A Bright Night. About Midnight I said to myself, "I know you want to eat, but this body is going back to bed." And I did. Another time I just turned right instead of left coming out of the bathroom. And then sat on my bed watching a Hallmark movie until I felt chilled and tired enough to try to sleep, then tucked myself in bed without having had a snack. I am so pleased this morning! And I was able to pull out my yellow highlighter and mark the 17th as a totally Bright Day. This page from my journal is a hot mess, and it's so clearly a record of a woman in trouble. But then I looked back at the previous 100 days and all of a sudden this didn't look so bad. This one looks about 30% Bright, with lots of broken days around the beginning of doing parts work in Bright Line Freedom. The last set of 100 days is almost all bright days and broken nights. Memory is a funny thing, I would have sworn I was doing better. I think that is part of using an accountability tool, to check one's reality!

I'm awesome. There are only four more days in this 2nd set of 100 days since I decided to keep track of my bright days. I printed off five grids like the one above, and my hope at the time was to be in a bright body by the time they were all filled out. Surprisingly I still feel that way. Like it's so possible, and I'll be able to look back and see my progress as each set of 100 days is prettier than the last.

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Just back from the office. I did think about stopping on the way home to start Christmas shopping, but talked myself out of it in a hot sec. We are back in 'purple' after all, and I should shop online. My Tulsi tea is brewing, and I am focusing on having another Bright night. Today has gone well, and there were many signs I feel better already. A morning walk with C - it was just a gorgeous Fall day out - then I grilled the steak I had marinated overnight and prepped four meals with stir fry veggies. I even listened to music on the way to work this evening, a sure sign of better mental health. And I didn't feel like everything was an effort today - I think my tooth infection really was draining my energy. The Dr. said that they can tell by the amount of bone loss that this has been festering for years - just a slow drain on my immune system. So strange.

Today's Food:

B:  2oz Oatmeal, 2oz triscuits, 1 oz sharp cheese & 1oz pecans, banana

L:  Tofu & roasted veggies, apple

D: Steak, stir fry veggies, broccoli salad

I wish it weren't so late, I'm in the mood for some green chili cheese rice for breakfast. I'll make a batch tomorrow while C is napping so I can have it Friday and through the weekend. I used the last of the oatmeal this morning, so it's cheese & crackers for breakfast. Still my favorite easy go to meal. 

Tomorrow's Food:

B: Cheese & Triscuits, banana

L:  Garbanzo bean salad with lots of celery, onion & cauliflower

D: Steak, stir fry veggies, green salad with sesame oil dressing

I am thinking of bed, and of making sure my last waking thoughts are a reminder that I am in control of my Motor Cortex. That I can just go back to bed after powdering my nose in the middle of the night,  and then that I can just wake to having had another Bright Night. I do like this idea. I do.