Just Complaining

Sometimes I feel like writing down a list of all of the foods I didn't eat in a day. Most of the time I am committed to only eating my food, only what I have planned. But sometimes the barrage of NMF (not my food) is so continually in front of my face that it wears me down and sneaky thoughts creep in. Not as in, "I want to eat that", but more like, "Here's something else I won't be eating today."  And really it's like a slow sanding away of my will. Which is actually exactly what it is, a slow depletion of my will power with every decision made to NOT eat something. A tiny peanut butter cracker here, a piece of apple pie there, and the constant offerings to C when he has no appetite and we are just trying to get him to agree to try eating something to get calories into him. Chocolate covered pretzels, a PB& J, pizza bread, chocolate milk, a scrambled egg, pancakes, cereal. On and on and on the choices are paraded in front of him, usually to no avail. And at each offering a small part of me is noticing that here is yet another something that I won't be eating.

I know I have complained about this before, being surrounded by so much that can trigger me. My guess is that this is why I have so often snacked in the middle of the night. No will power left, tired and half awake, how am I to do battle in those circumstances. It's all just too exhausting.

I've finished work for the evening, and I'm feeling a little hungry, and like it's Friday and I should get a treat. Just a little something something to celebrate getting through the week. What I really want is a soak in the hot tub and an icy rum and coke. But the hot tub is gone, and there is no rum or coke in the house, and those days are just a memory now. "But why is the Rum gone???" Jack Sparrow.

Today's Food:

B:  Sharp cheddar cheese, triscuits, banana

L:  Meatballs, 10oz mixed veggies, yellow apple & one beautiful strawberry

D:  Tofu, 10oz broccoli & peas

Ah, tofu for dinner, this is why I am hungry, and no raw veggies. My bad.

Tomorrow's Food:

B:  Yam pudding, orange

L:  Meatballs, 10oz mixed veggies, apple

D:  10oz Chopped Salad, blue cheese, pecans

Note:  I am really enjoying the mixed veggies I made earlier in the week.

This is where I began grumbling about an odd assortment of grievances, and decided to delete it all as rambling nonsense. I'm just tired and ready for PJs and slippers and hot tea.

TGIF