Another Bright Day, and I am heading into the evening determined to stop the midnight madness. I'm tired. Tired of the mental chatter, tired of trying so hard without making significant headway. Which is not correct, as I said I'm just tired and focusing too much on my weight as a source of achievement. I think that I am making progress with my 'parts', and that it is taking a toll on me. I know that I need to be kind to myself right now, that the work I am doing is important, but it's really hard to not feel disappointment when I am unable to stop myself from eating at night.
Memories keep rising to the surface, and I will keep writing them out as they come. I'm calling those excursions down memory lane Stories from the Crypt so I can group them together at some point. Not that I think I will be writing my memoirs, but who knows. Maybe if there is a happy ending here I will take the time, but at this point I can't imagine actually following through on such an undertaking.
Today's Food:
B: Refried beans, chorizo & egg
L: Meatball stew, apple
D: Tofu, roasted veggies, raw cauliflower & mayo
Tomorrow's Food:
B: Oatmeal, blueberries, cream cheese & pecans
L: Meatball stew, apple
D: Tofu, roasted veggies, raw cauliflower & mayo
Just keeping it simple.
It's been so cold, and I miss going out for walks. I guess that's one of the ways that I know I am struggling - no going outside. No connecting with nature. That's not good. So often in my life I come back to the stark reality that I am just lazy. And that being said, I need to go pull laundry from the dryer. BIG SIGH.
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