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Monday, December 8, 2014


I would scream except that I am so mad I can hardly breathe. When I say a trim I mean a trim. If I show you with my hands exactly where I would like my hair cut then that is where it should be cut. Not, 'Oh, let me blend it in a little here, you have so much hair' and then proceed to butcher me. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  (Too mad to find the exclamation mark on the keyboard I had to come back and add those.) I am so pissed off; I am not a boy, I am not a boy, I am not a boy. Just an ugly old woman with a man's haircut. OMG, I didn't know if I wanted to cry or punch her - maybe I do have too much testosterone. And when I said, 'Oh no, you cut it all off, I only asked for a trim' she tried to say she had cut it exactly like what I asked for. If by blend you mean several inches than I suppose it is partly my fault. Bitch.

Deep Breath. That was uncalled for - she did the best she could with a difficult customer. If at almost 60 I cannot explain what I want and get what I ask for then I deserve a bad haircut. The problem is that I have had a life time of bad haircuts. I feel exactly like I did at 12 when the neighbor cut my hair in almost exactly the same way and I did cry; she felt so bad which of course made it worse. Her and her sister added mascara to my lashes and told me how pretty and fashionable I was. While I loved the attention which was pretty much lacking elsewhere in my life it did nothing for my self esteem or boyish good looks.

God help me I am a mess. After a shower and putting away a counter full of clean dishes and trying to blow my hair into a semblance of femininity I am sinking quickly into despair and need a lifeboat. I should never have gone for a haircut today. I was too emotional this morning, had a hard day, and there is a holiday party coming up this Friday. Where I will look like a boy. Because I do not have a pretty face that can get away with a short short haircut, I am overweight and puffy around the cheeks and my eyes disappear when I smile.

It is time to dive under the covers with a movie, one that is an old friend that I can love and laugh and disappear into for a bit.

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