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Thursday, December 4, 2014

Extra Credit

A and I have been doing some extra credit in her weekly homework packet.  And I try to keep up on what flashcards she needs and making them available to her, though lord knows we aren't using them here at home as we should.  But her daycare giver, lets call her P, had suggested she have them available so there they are and hopefully they come in handy. I'll have to make a point of going through them with her on weekends when we are not all so burnt out.

So those things and reading and our library trips are my contribution towards her education, her imagination, and most importantly her self esteem. Because the best thing you can do for a child is to give them your undivided attention. Really look them in the eye and connect; a flashing of your first two fingers between your eyes and theirs is also very cool these days - a combination of Avatar's "I see you" and a way to make sure they know you are theirs and visa versa. Was it the critters in Ice Age that started that? Anyway, she loves it right now so we overuse it a bit. But it's still cute and funny and more to the point a way to seal the deal when making a connection.

Backing up a bit, my dream this morning was crazy and to the point of yesterday's rant. I had gained access to a set of dog tags that were absolutely vital to 'solving a case' and I had to keep them safe. I was running from my ex-hubby's old girlfriend, at the time a known manipulator as most addicts are, and I couldn't keep away from her. She was California Ninja Girl and I was scrambling fat old nobody. In the end I tried flushing them and she just laughed knowing she had won, and I woke up. There are feelings of frustration and inadequacy and a nod to how incapable I am of fantastic feats right now peppered all through the dream. There were of course lots more details but that is the jist of it. The universe is just screaming at me right now. Get your act together, you can be worthy, you can be so much more. Just screaming.

After a week of abstaining I drove through for decaf and a biscuit this morning. I did finish up yesterday's juice for lunch and plan on drinking lots of water and tea this evening. I know I'm writing a lot of nonsense etcetera lately, but I need to stay on top of myself, keep my head out of the water, and bolster up my good intentions so that they lead somewhere other than hell.

So how does this all tie together? Well, I do more than I give myself credit for, even in dreams, and I need to hang my star on those good deeds and not dwell on past failures. As do we all, I know I know, nothing special or unique here, but some of us need reminding more often. Crazy to see what I think of as normal just heading around the corner in front of me and not being able to quite grasp the trailing edge of it's sleeve and hang on. One day I will, this is my journey towards that end.

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