It's a mixed bag of feelings today. But first last night - everything was perfect from the crisp air outside alive with electricity to the cozy warmth of our home decorated for Christmas. I went to bed content, and even though I didn't sleep well or dream as I had hoped. I was ready to get up this morning once I heard A in the living room going through her stocking; she has enough energy and excitement to suck all of us into the vortex.
A beautiful breakfast, I think everyone was mostly happy with their presents, and we are now all clean and playing and cooking. The roast beast is in the oven, the potatoes have been through their first baking and are stuffed and ready for their second, and the carrots and salad have yet to be considered. I accidentally brought home a huge roast (a story for another day) and we have hours to prepare the sides.
The freshly baked gingerbread is cooling to use later in the trifle, a chocolate silk pie is hiding somewhere, and the pudding is still an idea whose time has not come.
A is busy on the Wii, R is puttering in the kitchen, and I have just come in from a day that is both blustery and crisp but luckily not wet. I have to say I have seen enough rain for a bit.
There have been a few hard moments wishing for things I shouldn't; not making a call that I wanted to with all my heart but knew I shouldn't; missing what might have, could have, should have been and maybe is in a parallel universe.
There is a saying that everything that happens to you, happens for you. While the concept is a nice one, I can't seem to embrace it yet. Maybe it just needs more time to ferment. But I will say that I am enjoying my blessings today; the love in the house, the bit of security and bounty we enjoy. And as long as there are people filled with love and hope there will be dreams, and mine are not over yet. Maybe this will be the year I invite the world back in, or at least begin looking for my place in it again. I love being A's Grama, and having family close to hand, and working with beautiful and interesting people. but there is a part of me peeking out looking for more.
What did I say, a day of mixed feelings indeed!Oh, and it has not been a day without green juice! R picked up a couple of different blends to try and we have each had a glass. Go us! We are both on track to be healthier albeit in our different ways, and with sugar as a common enemy we should do fine. And more than fine - fun and nutritious!
There must be something I should be doing - time to go see.
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