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Saturday, March 23, 2013

This and That on a cold Saturday Morning

I miss the weather I grew up with; I am a California girl through and through and this climate adjustment is not sitting well with me. It is Spring, is it not? Of course my own personal weather system is shot to hell and that doesn’t help matters at all. Being fat comes with its own assortment of challenges as any weight enhanced personage knows only too well. This morning I am missing my body’s ability to control my temperature. I’m either too cold or too hot or too sweaty – I miss being ‘just right’. A concept that A is enamored with right now thanks to Goldilocks and her bears. Love it.
But not loving so much my dip back into the fast food fray. No wonder my mood has been stable, I’m walking around in a fog of denial induced by chemicals and food products and a severe lack of nutrition all week. Ugh. I have resorted to stress eating and I can literally feel it killing me. What a difference a week can make! I felt so good the days I was juicing. But my back wasn't holding up and packing is a much more imminent problem. I mean challenge.

I have two more shelves to clear off in the master, and then only the furniture will be left. As soon as H takes the mattresses we can disassemble the water bed frame and list it on Craig’s list. It’s a handsome handmade oak four poster – the first thing my ex and I purchased after buying the house. A little sanding and finish and it will be pretty as new, for someone who cares. Funny, after 30 years that is no longer me. I loved the curved head and foot boards, and especially the drawers underneath.  And I realize that I will even miss it, but there is no place for it and I don’t love it anymore. Which is my ultimate goal – Love it or Leave it.

Good Grief I am surrounded. Getting up to fix tea I realize that the motley crew is camped out on the bed behind me. There they sit glaring at me, two cats and a dog, all of a similar dark colour and size; all eyeing me suspiciously from their respective places nestled in the down throw. Will I kick them out? Are they safe? Should they run? For now I will leave them be; the house is cold after all and much evidence to the contrary I do still have a heart.

Yum. cinnamon.ginger.cardamon.cloves. Chai spices with a spoonful of sugar and a splash of almond milk. At least there is this if the morning has to be cold. And I have a massage later this morning. How spoiled am I? While my everyday pain is being handled to manageable levels by my concoction of meds, Tylenol & Ibuprofen, I do look forward to the relief I get from these twice monthly splurges. While the treatment is normally an exercise in pain, the relief lasts for days afterwards  and I can feel myself healing from the inside out.

Weather aside, I must take a moment for gratitude. Through everything life has thrown at me I still have my little house, I am back at a job that is finally settling down to something I can grow to love working with a team that I am glad to see each day, and I can once again afford (barely) the massage treatments. And thinking back to holding my granddaughter's hand in mine yesterday as we chatted through the car window, I remind myself that there is someone who loves me without measure, unless you count to the moon and back, and I take a moment to feel blessed and grateful and whole.

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